That sounds like an exact description of my life. Haha I'm insanely self destructive and impulsive. I walk into situations knowing in my gut it's not a good one... But I give the world a chance to prove to me I'm wrong, I give them the benefit of the doubt and get screwed every time. And it's a repetitive cycle that I just never learn from and it drives me mad. It seems it's impossible to eliminate the poison in my life because it's everywhere. The entire world is poisonous. Every person I come in contact with, theyre wolves and I'm a lamb, the world is so dark. I can only be rid of the poison if I stay inside. I've done a pretty decent job so far. LOL I always tell myself, just because the rest of the world is shit, doesn't mean you have to be. But I'm slowly learning it's a dog eat dog world and I remain a lamb.
Yea I see a lot of my younger self in you actually the thing is not to become evil but to retreat and become a gerillia and fight their evil and create spaces for oneself and other to find refuge. Yes they are shit most people out there but there is a whole planet and tribes of non humans that need our help and protection from the tribe of man. you will evolve trust me I am almost 30 years your senior you are just beginning have more faith in yourself.
Haha that's so neat, honestly. I'm very glad to have found you here(: I think one of mybiggest mistakes was rushing into lessons I wasn't ready for, and in all the wrong ways. I can only hope and work to become a stronger and more passion driven person like you, or even like I was before all the bullshit. There are always side streets to lead you back to the right path, I've just gotta find my way through the labyrinth (:
You are a lot stronger than you think you can do this :)