Where does your sense of worth and value come from?..
Does it come from your bank account? Does it come from your occupation title? The number of degrees that are on the wall? The amount of books that you've read, or the number of countries that you've visited in your life? Is it the number of friends that you have which determines if you are valuable or invaluable?
Is it other people who get to decide if we should feel a sense of worth and value?
If we choose to derive our sense of personal worth and value from those sources, then we might not ever be happy and fully satisfied. When we derive our sense of worth and value from those places it puts ourselves at risk, because those things can always change over time; we might lose friends, lose our job, spend all of our money, etc. And then what are we to think of ourselves?
Another place where we can easily tie up our sense of worth and value is in connection to our own personal views.
Whenever our sense of worth and value is tied up in our views and opinions, then it can be very easy to feel insecure whenever someone doesn't agree with what we think and say. And when we are confronted with people who disagree with us, it can be easy to let that make us feel invaluable, stupid, and worthless etc.
When we tell someone else our thoughts and opinions, if others don't agree with them, it can be difficult to separate our sense of value from our own opinions at the time; the views that others are disagreeing with. And it can feel like a direct attack and that the person is rejecting you when they are rejecting only your opinion. In other words, we can still choose to love people or be friendly with someone, despite them holding views that we passionately disagree with. And just because someone might not agree with one particular opinion that we hold, might not mean that they are disregarding and rejecting us entirely.
Of course though, we don't have to like or treat others kindly that we disagree with, and it's a way of living that is obviously very difficult to achieve for many, but I think it's a high standard that's worth trying to make the effort to achieve. And maybe by trying to practice it with others, in not rejecting them when we hear one thing we might not like, it will in-turn help us to not feel rejected when we are confronted by other people who disagree with our own views.
How do you feel when other people disagree with you?...
Do you feel stupid? Insulted? That you are being rejected and not being respected? There are many opportunities for us to come across people in our lives who aren't going to agree with every view that we have and if we are going to feel worthless every time they disagree with us, then that's going to easily set us up for many struggles.
Our confidence plays a big part in our life experiences and if it's rooted in something that can easily change, or is solely dependent upon the approval of others, then that can greatly limit our enjoyment in life. We can look to others to confirm that we are valuable or we can confirm it for ourselves. We can struggle for the rest of our lives trying to meet the world's standards of what other people think should make us worthy or valuable, or we can get rooted in something much deeper.
If we are always on the hamster wheel, struggling and trying to achieve approval from everyone else in the world other than our own selves, before we feel confident and valuable, then that limits our freedom. Shouldn't freedom entail being free from the pressure to try and impress other people?
Learning to love our self and value our self can help us to enjoy our lives and it strengthens us to be able to take on the difficulties that we will face from day to day throughout our entire journey on this earth.
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@doitvoluntarily Great post ! NO, I do really mean that. This post at this time happens to be one of life's ironies. Hello, my name is JT Streetman, I am 56 and since about the age of 10 I have been sleeping an average of 4 hours a night. So if you do the math I have been awake a lot longer than most 56 year olds. That extra 4 hours a day has always been spent reading and thinking. My point in saying this, is to let you know I am not a stupid person, lol well, imho anyway !
Today was a very strange day for me. I finally was able to get back on the net and steemit 2 days ago and have been trying to focus on steemit all day, but the thought entered my mind that I seem to be pretty much worthless. That thought is a 180 degree change of paradigm from my normal valuation of myself. Hence the reason I say this post at this time is so ironic, (Thank You btw) You see, I used to have a life, a wife and 4 kids and all that goes with that, then suddenly all that and everything I have worked for all my life just .. disappeared. In a very short time I was homeless and trying in ernest to get back on my feet. Then I found out what it's like to be either over qualified, to old or due to working under the table for the last 15 yrs, having no relevant work history. Being unemployed for a period of time starts to get to you. Regardless of my feelings of my self worth, and keeping my best foot forward etc. at times I do get depressed but always change that thinking as soon as it comes to mind.
Today was different in the fact that I couldn't, wouldn't let it go. After several depressing hours I finally just concluded that I would just blame this on what people call a "Mid life crises" and let it go at that and try to focus on steemit. Less than an hour later I somehow, stumbled on this post !
I actually read the entire post twice just to let your words sink in. I think it's working, Thank You. I just keep repeating what Robin told Matt in "Good Will Hunting", "It's NOT your fault, It's NOT your fault".
I guess I'm trying to say thank you for putting your thoughts down here on steemit. It certainly reminded me of who I really am, regardless of my present situation.
You know, that's one of the things I really love about steemit, no matter what you need to lay down, there always seems to be a place on steemit to "Lay it down". In you helping me, in turn, I hope by writing this that I can help others who might read this.
Yes friends, You know who you are, your value. Don't EVER let anyone determine your sense of self value, nor bank account, position in life atm, education etc., etc.
I am so glad to be following you, especially now. Thanks again my unknown friend. What a GOOD shot in the dark !
Read More, Reason More ... JTS
Now you need to post some more mind dumps of your own on your blog and reply to one of my comments or posts to let me know when you do. Life is an adventure. It has it's ups, and downs. The downs can really suck, but hang in there what is on the other side of those is often quite amazing.
Thanks man, appreciate it ! I will let you know. Really glad your there man... I mean that ! TTYS /bow
I derive my sense of value and worth from within ! How I feel , and how happy I am about the way things are in my life , no matter what other people may think ! To me the value of health , friendships and family is worth more then anything money can buy . we are only accountable to ourselves . Live free and be happy , life's to short !! Steem on my friend a definite up vote and resteem !!👍👍👍
How are you, ma'am? I missed communicating with you. Steemit is boring without you.
Love this post!! Self esteem is the biggest driver of sales in the universe. Self esteem, everyone has issues with this, to some degree. Thank you @doitvoluntarily!!
Awesome post and sage advice buddy. :)
always apprec your comments!
Man If I could upvote you twice I would.. I've spent all day writing today and your post really take my thoughts full circle. Thank you for the inspiration....
@doitvoluntarily this is an awesome post. Thanks for sharing
The majority of people appear to be under the impression that they are what other people think they should be. They strive to attain the goals they are told will make them have worth and value. Until they understand the true meaning of self worth, and who it is they have to appease, they will forever attempt to feed the voracious appetite of their ego.
If humans were able to be as good a human as a tree, is a tree, possibly they might then fulfill the Creators intent.
Great post, Upvoted, followed and resteemed...............billytwohearts
Well said @billytwohearts...
Could it be that others have told you you are worthless? And who are they to know just what worthless really is? God is our only judge and He listens to our hearts. Turn your negative thoughts about yourself around. You have to self talk in order to be happy with yourself. You wouldn't be alive if you are worthless as God doesn't make mistakes and He doesn't make garbage. You have a purpose to fulfill and you mean a lot to other people. Even if you are unaware of this, people look up you for an example. You are part of the larger puzzle and only you fit in they place! Give the world the good big or small, that which you can. Make a difference!
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Cheer up! You have a purpose on this planet, even if you haven't found it yet. Some people don't do anything "meaningful" until they are WAAAY past their prime.
Great post ! Most people do not even realize what is truly important in Life.
and so.they remain on that hamster wheel....
They do not recognize what is truly important in life ,it is sad.
I maybe be worthless but I'm still expensive!
A little bit disturbing that many of these questions would even be asked.
Why would you even imagine that your sense of self worth comes from any one other than yourself?
If you don't or can't love you, how could you expect anyone else to.
Time to take a few of the Big Boy pills, and get over your funk.
Very nice @doitvoluntarily
Wonderful wonderful advice, you sir are very intelligent and a very good human being, I loved this post it has so much insight, thank you!🌷
Great article, and some good points.
Seems to me more and more people struggle with the paradox that they they have value and see themselves as "good people" but goodness turns out to not carry them very far through a 60-70 hour workweek... a dynamic perhaps more evident in the US than other parts of the world...
Really well written and thought out article. We spend our lives in a cycle of trying to make others happy while trying to feel good about ourselves. In trying to win approval a person may act in a way that goes against their true self, trapping themselves in a mental cage of misery. We determine value from others. Our parents, peers, co-workers, etc. all influence what we think of ourselves. There is a need to please others over taking care of ourselves which is sometimes wrong thinking. If you aren't happy with yourself then you can't live a happy life.
A lot of this stems from the root thought of that "there is something wrong with me" belief. It's a struggle for a lot of people to have a better understanding of self and to love our self.
The lack of education of our thoughts and emotions has been taking a toll on our society.
Very great write up.
This is beautiful. I learned this the hard way. I did a lot of shadow work and learned that our sense of worth is based in childhood. We develop those parts of us that are acceptable to our parents since this is what gets us attention and (hopefully) love...which on a very primal level means surival. We surpress other parts of us that are unacceptable to them. Then we run on these programs for the rest of our lives. We learn these in our first 7 years of life when the brain is still not fully evolved (we still cannot always distinguish between reality and fantasy and are very vulnerable to input). Then for the rest of our lives our self worth is based on this programming until we wake up and become conscious and do serious hard shadow work and bring those parts of us into the present - reintegration. You can tell how much work you have by how much stuff triggers you in daily life and if you have coping mechanism in place like alcohol, smoking, over achieving and having the same dysfunctional relationship patterns (trying to heal childhood trauma). There are many great videos on this where people can help themselves. I really like Teal Swans videos on integration work. It took me about 2 years to wake up after the last traumatic relationship experience then 1. Learn how to say no, set boundaries, 2. Learn self love 3. Become immune to manipulation attempts like guilt etc 4. Learn about the different personality disorders out there and how they might have affected your formative years....adults around you. The one thing that nobody tells you though is that when you get to the point of solid self love...you have to find yourself all over again because you might actually be a completely different person than who you thought you were your whole life. I became a mermaid at 40. Hahahaha <3
Thx for turning on a light!
"And maybe by trying to practice it with others, in not rejecting them when we hear one thing we might not like, it will in-turn help us to not feel rejected when we are confronted by other people who disagree with our own views."
You're right. I have been having some trouble lately dealing with a lot of bullshit, and it really helps to try to understand where the bullshit is coming from, and why, in dealing with it in a positive and forward-looking way. Thanks for sharing <3
I could not agree more with this. This is precisely the reason I have been sad deep down for a major part of my life. For a long time, I derived my sense of self-worth from the many elements and viewpoints of people I was surrounded by and not from how I felt about myself. It takes a lottt of courage to bring yourself to love yourself but once you start nurturing those feelings, you can slowly nourish your self-esteem and self-confidence too. It is not easy especially when you are surrounded by undesirable elements but it is doable. Your post is one of those feel-good posts that has inspired me to keep loving myself.