You say this is an early attempt a fiction- but blimey there is so much to love in this piece! I love the frantic sense of movement you captured and the building sense of threat behind, along with building disaster in terms of exhaustion.
Your question about creating an end which has more of a sense of finality about it- perhapse give your readers a glimpse of the monster stalking up behind his prey... or the very first sight of the madness taking hold and the character just realising it as you draw to a close.
Thanks for a fun read! E x
Nice ideas. Thanks for these.
Looking forward to reading more of your fiction! E x