Hi, Justin! Amazing chapter. I was expecting a lot, and yet, somehow you managed to blow me away anyway! The physical prowess induced by the dark entity somewhat reminded me of Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke, and that is fantastic considering how breathtaking the plot of that movie was. Can’t wait to see how this develops! Sorry for the last minute entry, but better late than never! Here’s my thing:
Gone
- Why you would like to see the story develop in that direction as opposed to any of the other options?
The floating deer would certainly make for an amazing scene, but I believe that such an image would call for immediate action (be it fight or flight), and that would put the main characters in a situation where they would be forced to immediately face the entity. I’m sure they will face it eventually, but I believe that encounter would be much more impactful if the entity is given another layer of complexity.
- What you think the consequences of that choice should be for the characters and their world, and why it should benefit, or hinder, their progress.
With my previous answer in mind, here’s why I chose “gone”:
Imagine the deer is gone, but both Aiden and Lauren notice a deer-like figure in the distance, perhaps even with a hint of florescent red in its eyes. Lauren would, of course, try to follow it (given that it was seriously injured and it should be easy to catch). Aiden would immediately relate the weirdness of the situation with his supernatural encounter. Aiden would try to stop Lauren (without revealing his secret), but Lauren would not be okay with letting a practically dead dear escape and go back to the village empty handed, so he runs after the deer, and Aiden is forced to follow him.
This is where the characterization of the entity could get more robust. Imagine that, at first, they are chasing the deer, but as soon as they get a bit deeper into the forest, they lose track of the animal and start feeling chased themselves. Great opportunity for cosmic horror-like storytelling here: being chased by an undetermined evil, by shapes and whispers, by the pulsating darkness of the forest. They can’t see what it is, but there is something there, and it’s dangerous, and it’s terrifying. They should manage to escape back to safety somehow, but that feeling of profound dread would later relate back to the entity that attacked Aiden, allowing for it to be characterized not only as a strange being, but as a being of insurmountable power, one that defies human understanding.
Whatever happens next would be tremendously more impactful, as they would not be fighting a dark creature, but a dark god.
- One idea of your own that you think would make the story better
Whatever it is they are going to fight, it should be something that can NOT be “defeated”. It may be quelled, it may be tricked, it may be escaped from, but not defeated. An insurmountable enemy will always make the odds much higher, and the victories, however small they may be, much more relevant.