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THESE ARE THE RULES MAKE SURE YOU READ BEFORE PARTICIPATING.
PART ONE IS HERE
For Those Who Follow. Part 2.
"Are you stupid? How could I forget..."
It was years ago now, but I still shutter whenever I think about it.
I had come out alone one night. It's allowed.. but definitely not encouraged, and there are consequences. You're always supposed to have at least one other member of the tribe with you when you come out to the woods, doesn't matter when.
But I loved the woods at night. Coming out by myself every now and then was always worth not eating for a night or the extra workload I'd have for the next week.
But that night.. that night was the only time I'd ever wished I had just stayed in.
There's a spot about a quarter field in... a few of us know about it, Lauren included. But it's my spot... nobody else loves it the way I do.
The only practical way to get there is through a small cave; dark, damp, and steep... you have to have a certain degree of agility to navigate it properly.
But once you do, and you come out on the other side... no matter how many times I visit, it still leaves me breathless.
A calm, serene field on the edge of a cliffside. A single tree, with branches strong enough to support your weight and wide enough to lay into. A small waterfall flows into a natural spring that never seems to go cold, no matter what time of year it is... the whole place is completely walled off from the rest of the forrest, it's own private space.
A world within a World. A dream you can have while awake.
And the moon... the moon is so big, so bright, so clear. No other spot does it Justice the way this one does.
But I haven't been there in a while... not since that night.
I had climbed up into the tree, enjoying the calmness of it all, the way I had what seemed like a million times before.
And then I saw it. It was... floating, on the water, still enough to not cause a single ripple on its surface.
I hadn't seen anything like it before, or since.
It was... black. Pitch black. And smooth. If the sky hadn't been so clear, I would have been blind to it.
And the way it moved... constantly shifting and morphing into itself, contracting and expanding while seamlessly maintaining its shape.
A living illusion.
It wasn't big, really... probably the size of a well fed squirrel. But the way it made me feel... I could have been face to face with an angry full grown grizzly bear, and it wouldn't have managed to make me as nervous as this thing did.
I was captivated by it. Mesmerized... but also, curious.
I watched it... for a long time. It just stayed in place, seemingly oblivious to my existence.
I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to see it up close.
I moved, slowly, the way I always did while stalking prey.
Down the tree, through the grass, light on my feet.
Inhale, exhale.
It had to have been aware of me. The grass wasn't very tall and the moon was bright enough for me to see it, so there's no way it didn't see me.
Any other animal would have run as soon as I had gotten out of the tree, if not before. But this thing.. this thing just stayed there.
I was so close to it, maybe 6 arms away if I'm being generous. It seemed to have no definable features, no eyes, no mouth, no nose... I didn't hear or see signs of breathing. Nothing.
It's like it wasn't even real, I started to question if it was alive.
And then, just like that, it was on my arm.
It all happened so fast, I didn't even get a chance to panic. I didn't even see it move, didn't even feel it make contact, but there it was, latched onto my arm and... squeezing, not clawing, not biting, but constricting, like a snake in the process of stealing the life from its prey.
I should have been terrified, I should have slammed this thing into the nearest rock or into the tree, but I just... stood there. Watched it. Panic never came, I was completely calm, like it was completely natural.
I watched it as it conformed around my arm, still shifting and moving in seemingly impossible ways. What appeared to be a single, red eye, faintly began to glow from its body... intensifying, brightening, until my entire field of vision was nothing but a deep, blinding red.
The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed... the chief and Lauren looking over me.
"He's awake!" I faintly heard Lauren say "He's finally awake!"
"Thank the stars..." the chief muttered under his breath.
"We'll deal with this later" he said. "For now.. for now, he still needs rest."
I was sick for weeks. That was the worst part of it all. It wasn't the confusion I felt, or the questions I had... but the sickness. That was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I was sure I was gonna die more times than I'd like to remember.
But, after what seemed like forever, I got better.
I wasn't allowed outside of the camp for a while after that... it probably would have been longer... but things were... different. And they never went back to being the same.
I was an okay marksman before it all happened, now I could shoot down a fly in motion if I felt like it. I was faster, more agile, more focused. Clearer. I couldn't explain it, I didn't know why. It didn't happen all at once, but I just seemed to... learn faster, faster than I ever did before, faster than everybody else.
Before I knew it, I was the best hunter in the tribe. Everybody noticed, they asked questions... I told them some of what happened, that my memory was hazy... but they didn't know the extent of it, not even Lauren. They could never understand what it felt like... how much it had changed me.
Or maybe I was scared of what would happen if they did.
It had been long enough.
I had to go back.
I had to find it again.
If only I...
"...Aiden?"
Lauren was right in front of me with a puzzled look on his face.
"You okay, man? You spaced out there for a little while..."
"Yeah.. yeah man, I'm fine, just thinking, is all..."
"Come back into the tribe with me, Aiden. Come out to the woods tomorrow, when it's daylight."
I looked over my shoulder, back into the woods. It was like it was calling me, compelling me to walk right into its gaping jaw, ready to swallow me whole.
"...Okay, tomorrow. Let's go back." I said to Lauren.
"Oh.. oh, good" he said with more relief than I think he wanted to let on.
"Now, lets get this deer strung up and back home. Man I can't wait to sink my teeth into..."
He froze.
"Hey... Aiden. The deer..."
I looked over at where it was...
The Deer Was:
Floating.
Gone.
TO ENTER, MAKE SURE YOU:
(NOT necessary, but you will get updated about each new chapter quicker)Follow me @iamjustincscott.
Re-steem the Chapter. (NOT necessary, but I will be paying attention to who does this and I will take it into consideration when picking winners)
Comment below explaining:
- What your choice is.
- Why you would like to see the story develop in that direction as opposed to any of the other options.
- What you think the consequences of that choice should be for the characters and their world, and why it should benefit, or hinder, their progress.
- One idea of your own that you think would make the story better.
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I think I'm with "gone" for the deer, but I'm not sure why. I think part of it for me is that the description of the parasitic creature(?) is maybe too non-descript. I know that's sort of the point, but I feel like I need some kind of visual satisfaction of this woo-element before having to accept that next piece of magical realism. Plus, I think the missing carcass might pull them further into the deep-dark-wood where something is afoot. Isn't there always in the forest after dark?
I doubt it was intended, and I can't pinpoint it, but I thought of Carlos Castaneda for a moment when reading this one. Nice job!
Not at all, but thats certainly a compliment! And yes, a slight degree of obscurity is sort of the point. Seeing as this story is 1st person, we can't know much more than our protagonist ; )
But thank you for your response : )
Another very nice chapter. I really like where you are going with this and I think it is even better that you give us the ability to interact with not only you but the story and building of the story and characters.
What your choice is. & Why you would like to see the story develop in that direction as opposed to any of the other options.
My pick is "Floating." The reason this is my choice is because I like the fantasy aspect and I look forward to that. I loved "Wheel of Time" and the sort. Whats better than using some type of magic or special powers. In this situation I think you can build on this character and how he is experiencing some powers, "learning faster" for example. This seems to flow with the story you are building better than "disappearing."
One idea of your own that you think would make the story better.
Keep up the good work. I think you are on the right track. Maybe he will stay out in the woods as I had hoped in the last chapter.
I really like the way this is going-- I see what you did; I thought he'd stayed in the forest but it was a flashback to another time. By the description, I like that little secret place with the spring too.
It's hard for me to resist any anti-gravity or levitation, so I'd say the 'floating' deer sounds more complicated but utterly intriguing as a direction for the story. Great job writing these chapters, I'm enjoying them.
Thank you Paul, so glad to hear you're enjoying them and excited to keep them coming : )
Upvoted and resteemed;)
Yay, glad to hear it and hope you're enjoying : )
This was an interesting twist - and of course the floating deer is just too damn irresistible not to pick. I am wondering if the strange black creature is somehow connected. Anyway sorry for the non- entry comment. That's all from me this week. Looking forward to reading the next chapter <3
Great work! Upvoted and following.
Hi, Justin! Amazing chapter. I was expecting a lot, and yet, somehow you managed to blow me away anyway! The physical prowess induced by the dark entity somewhat reminded me of Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke, and that is fantastic considering how breathtaking the plot of that movie was. Can’t wait to see how this develops! Sorry for the last minute entry, but better late than never! Here’s my thing:
Gone
The floating deer would certainly make for an amazing scene, but I believe that such an image would call for immediate action (be it fight or flight), and that would put the main characters in a situation where they would be forced to immediately face the entity. I’m sure they will face it eventually, but I believe that encounter would be much more impactful if the entity is given another layer of complexity.
With my previous answer in mind, here’s why I chose “gone”:
Imagine the deer is gone, but both Aiden and Lauren notice a deer-like figure in the distance, perhaps even with a hint of florescent red in its eyes. Lauren would, of course, try to follow it (given that it was seriously injured and it should be easy to catch). Aiden would immediately relate the weirdness of the situation with his supernatural encounter. Aiden would try to stop Lauren (without revealing his secret), but Lauren would not be okay with letting a practically dead dear escape and go back to the village empty handed, so he runs after the deer, and Aiden is forced to follow him.
This is where the characterization of the entity could get more robust. Imagine that, at first, they are chasing the deer, but as soon as they get a bit deeper into the forest, they lose track of the animal and start feeling chased themselves. Great opportunity for cosmic horror-like storytelling here: being chased by an undetermined evil, by shapes and whispers, by the pulsating darkness of the forest. They can’t see what it is, but there is something there, and it’s dangerous, and it’s terrifying. They should manage to escape back to safety somehow, but that feeling of profound dread would later relate back to the entity that attacked Aiden, allowing for it to be characterized not only as a strange being, but as a being of insurmountable power, one that defies human understanding.
Whatever happens next would be tremendously more impactful, as they would not be fighting a dark creature, but a dark god.
Whatever it is they are going to fight, it should be something that can NOT be “defeated”. It may be quelled, it may be tricked, it may be escaped from, but not defeated. An insurmountable enemy will always make the odds much higher, and the victories, however small they may be, much more relevant.