Bit of a back story to this one before you read on. I started this one a while ago, before 'Rose Garden Sanatorium' and way before 'It's My Mistake' but I never finished it. Reason for that was because I came up with the idea of Rose Garden Sanatorium before finishing it and got distracted to write that one instead!
Now, a few months on and I have decided to finish 'Rebecca' first and publish it along with 'It's My Mistake', just to get a few books out there before I finished 'Rose Garden Sanatorium'. I have decided to publish Rose Garden professionally and as my studies start up soon I might not have a lot of time to finish it before then (nor the funds, as it's going to cost up to £1500, which I don't have as I'm not employed!)
Anyway, I figured I'd post a few chapters of Rebecca for you anyway, so you can see what to expect when I finally finish and publish this one.
If you're interested in the other two and haven't come across them before, see below for the links to my other posts.
P.S. Please bare in mind this currently in first draft stage, but if you do see any mistakes in grammar, spelling or even if you'd like to comment on plotline/wording/description (or lack of as that hasn't been added perfectly yet either) feel free to let me know. :)
Chapter 1
I looked outside at the weather. It was horrendous, I wished I never decided to travel to Canada now or at least wished I’d looked at the best time of year to go. It wasn’t winter yet, it was mid-autumn but I was too busy in the eastern side of Canada in the summer. So here I was, travelling in this torrential weather to Vancouver, on a bus.
I should have known it was the wrong time of year to go, considering I was the only person on this bus. But the need to travel was too strong that it overruled my common sense. Never mind, I’m here now and the only time I could get work in this area was this time of year, so I had no choice really. Unless I stayed in England.
I sat on the uncomfortable bench of a seat on the bus as the rain washed passed on the windows, it was early evening by now. After a bit of a long trip from my post on Vancouver Island. The sun had settled two hours earlier and I could tell the temperature was dropping slightly too. I was just lucky that it wasn’t winter and it was freezing cold. The chances of getting stuck in the snow were greater. Although, the weather might have been drier.
After what seemed like hours on the bus, it slowed to a stop. This alerted me out of my day-dreaming. I noticed it had stopped at a petrol station-, well gas station they were called here in Canada. I wondered if he needed to refuel.
“Just stopping for the bathroom ma’am,” the driver explained when he saw my confused look peering up from the window to him as he got up out of the driver’s seat. “Would you like to grab any snacks or visit the ladies yourself?” he asked. His accent was thick Canadian, an accent I had gotten used to for a while now after spending nearly four months in Canada. Although I had noticed a slightly change after moving away from the east coast.
“Not a bad idea,” I nodded, getting up from my seat and stretching my stiff joints. “How long now until Vancouver?” I asked, as I grabbed my bag and headed to the front of the bus.
“Another few hours, so long as the weather doesn’t get any worse,” the driver explained, hopping off the bus and waiting outside for me to get off too.
“Great,” I said, not really feeling great about it at all. I had to spend another few hours on a cold damp bus before I could go anywhere to get a decent meal and a decent night sleep. I was exhausted.
The gas station didn’t have much in terms of decent food either. I wandered down the aisles looking at the American or Canadian style chocolate bars and ‘chips’ and subsequently sighed. There were no decent sandwiches, so my choices were limited to chips and chocolates. And seeing as I wasn’t sure when my next decent meal was going to be, I decided to pick up a few things anyway, even if they were high in sugar and fat, they were better than nothing. I picked up a few packets of chips and a few bars of chocolates before heading over to the counter where the driver was talking to the guy behind the cashier already.
“I’m afraid not,” the cashier said while talking to the driver, who had come back from the bathroom. He was shaking his head and looking concerned about something. This sparked my curiosity.
“That’s just my luck,” said the driver and rubbed his face with a hand.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, dumping the snacks on the counter top.
“Road’s blocked half a mile up, no way through to the city.”
“What?” I said, feeling the blood drain from my face.
“Apparently the wind blew down an old tree, right into the road, no way of getting through.”
“Buggar!” I swore and rubbed my own face, feeling tired already, “Now what?”
“There is a Motel in the next village, hopefully they’ll have the road cleared by tomorrow?” suggested the guy behind the cash register.
“I suppose that’s all I can do!” I shrugged, “Where is the motel? Is it far?”
“A mile or so,” the bus driver explained.
I nodded and picked up the snacks, thinking that if I wasn’t heading back in Vancouver today, I might as well find somewhere to eat in the village.
“I can take you to the motel,” the driver said, “But I’ll be heading back to my town, which is a few miles away.”
I nodded, “That’ll be fine.”
The bus stopped for a second time that night, right outside a motel. I was starting to feel a little hungry, so at this point I was just glad to find somewhere to get off so I could get something to eat and rest for the rest of the night. Although I was starting to wish I had bought those snacks at the service station.
“Here’s the motel,” the bus driver said, giving me a weak smile.
“Thank you,” I said, getting up and moving to the front of the bus again.
“Keep your ticket, it’ll get you to Vancouver tomorrow.”
I nodded and thanked him again before getting off the bus. Taking my backpack and trudging up to the front reception of the motel now a little soaked from the rain.
It was only a small motel, clearly this town didn’t get many visitors.
I pushed through the reception door and up to the lady on the reception who looked up from her newspaper crossword puzzle and smiled at me. “Evening.”
“Hi, can I have room for the night?”
“Oh, sorry love, we’re fully booked for tonight!”
“Oh, shit!” I accidentally said, feeling my luck going from bad to worse.
The receptionist smiled weakly, “There is another motel in the next town up,” she said.
“Oh right, where is that?”
“If you go in that direction,” she pointed out the window, “past the post office and continue until you hit the next town, it’s right opposite a diner. They usually have a few vacancies.”
“Oh, okay, thanks!” I smiled. I just heard diner and felt my stomach urge me to leave and find food.
“Sorry again,” the receptionist smiled as I turned back around.
“That’s okay,” I muttered as I opened the door and finally trudged back out into the darkness. At least I knew there was another motel, so it wasn’t all that bad. One that had a diner right opposite. Winner.
If you like this, please check out my other work:
https://steemit.com/writing/@penny-rose/rose-garden-sanatorium-prologue
https://steemit.com/writing/@penny-rose/my-normal-a-short-story
https://steemit.com/writing/@penny-rose/it-s-my-mistake-chapter-1
Cover designed by me, only a draft copy for illustration purposes. I do not currently own the rights to the picture displayed.
If you're interested in how I created my covers to any of my books, please check out this following post:
https://steemit.com/design/@penny-rose/how-i-created-my-book-cover
While I enjoyed the story thus far, there are a few writing errors. You might want to take a look at your tenses. Eg. you can't say "here I was" it has to be "there I was" if you are using the past tense. You tend to lapse into the present tense : "Never mind, I’m here now and the only time I could get work in this area was this time of year, so I had no choice really. Unless I stayed in England." This piece is a good example. It makes the writing sound really flimsy if you use the present tense such as in "I'm here now" while telling a story in the past tense.
I apologize if this comment sounds rude, it was not meant to be rude, I am merely a huge fan of constructive criticism and I think it is one of the best ways to grow.
Feel free to check out my work and leave some criticism of your own.
Keep up the good work man. You are doing great. This story sounds like it is going to get really interesting. I am excited to see what you have in store.
Thanks @umperfectpoet!
I think my tenses in writing are one of my worst habits!
I sometimes even miss them when I re-read (and probably do it while writing normally!) But you're completely right. I think it's because the story is set in first person too, which doesn't help me.
I will certainly keep an eye out on my tense now though (I don't think I need telling twice haha!) just getting through the rest of the first draft for now.
Thanks again for the constructive criticism. Not many people have the balls to these days. :P
All the best.