Oooo, nice job with the creep factor, @steelthong! Your pacing is really good as well - if anything, I would suggest going back through and tightening up a little with unnecessary words (basically, any "ly" words...lol - they are my personal bugaboo as well) to make it flow a bit better.
Here's a link that you might find helpful - https://www.grammarcheck.net/filler-words/
Overall, I really enjoyed it and I hope you're inspired to do some more soon!
Thanks Traci, good feedback. I'll check that link out.
Ok so that page really helped, went back and did some editing and removed all th ly's from the story but now Carly has vanished before the fiend even had a chance to grab her!
Heheheh
Got ya.
Teasing it really did help and made much more sense, great tool and I found some more too!
LOL! Yeah, you did for a second, wise guy. 😂
And that's awesome - I just skimmed through it again and the pacing is so much better now! Glad you liked the infographic too. My last
complaintsuggestion (HA!) would be to add an extra space, or "###" or something similar between the snapping sound and the morning sun, to signal the scene change.So like...Can you tell I miss my local writers' group? 😆
Your a gem @traciyork! This is all new to me, never dreamed HIVE was going to lead to so much personal growth and drawing me out of my comfort zone. Hell I only ended up here trying to learn how to get funds into a goofy game (Splinterlands). Now it's my new Facebook so to speak but so much better. YOUR help has been an unforeseen treasure in the journey always pointing in the direction to go with each new adventure. Thank you! I have an idea for another story you might like - It will most likely be titled "The Trees".