I'm here to tell the story of how my life-long friend was killed by a drunk driver and how I survived the same event. I also want to share with you how I made it through the mental & physical pain, the depression, the ongoing recovery. The biggest reason for me doing this is to let others know they are not alone. I survived the head-on collision, the hospital stay of many months, the learning to speak & walk again, the going back to high school to finish my sophomore year, and the learning who my real friends were. It was a really dark time for me that I've survived so far. It has been 25 plus years and I am still healing physically & mentally. I am not a writer. I tried to be a writer long ago. I apologize for any grammar, punctuation, or amateur mistakes because I'm an amateur. I'm writing this WPS office and copying it to Steemit so I hope to keep those kind of errors to a minimum. I'll start off with the accident and go from there. Everything I write here is either what I saw or from reliable witnesses. If I need to jump around to explain something I'll try to label it so I don't get too confusing. :-) If you have any questions or comments please reply or Private Message on Facebook @TroyB42 and I will answer them ASAP. I'll also try to write in sections so that, for my own well being, I don't relive the events too much at a time. I Thank you for your patience.
December 23rd, 1989, 10:55pm @I-29 & North 64th Street, Kansas City, Missouri
John is my best friend. He was driving us home from my sisters house on the coldest, iciest night of the Winter season when we were bumped into by another driver at a stop sign. The driver was nice and apologetic so we all smiled that we were all ok and just went on. We drove another half mile up the road just happy that we were fine when a 1980's Blue Ford Station Wagon came flying over a dogleg hill and landed it's front tires onto the hood of John's 1980's Oldsmobile. The dash came down onto us and pushed the steering wheel through John, killing him instantly. I was trapped under the dash with a broken left leg, a closed head injury, and lots of cuts from the flying glass and metal. John lay bloody and motionless next to me. Our car spun several times from the impact and stopped on the lawn of the local Fire Station. Lucky for me the Firemen were in and they ran out to help before the car stopped. They started trying to save me & John in negative degree weather before they could even get fully dressed. One fireman was in his socks in the snow trying to help us. They realized the doors were crumpled so they couldn't be opened the normal way so they pulled out their Jaws-Of-Life and cut us out. While this was happening, the driver that landed on us had jumped out of his car, leaving his girlfriend and brother trapped, and started screaming in a drunken slur that it was our fault because we had our brights on. Two firemen took him into custody while others helped his passengers. I was wrapped in blankets while the fire chief blocked my view of John. She was trying to be very compassionate. Luckily the ambulance was parked in the Fire Station parking lot so I was taken there and on to the hospital. I was told later on that the Drunk kept screaming that he was innocent and it was John's fault. I passed out from my injuries as the ambulance pulled into the emergency room entrance. I went into a pain-induced coma for about 13 days. I was able to move my hand after six days in the coma but nothing else. I missed John's funeral. I missed the Drunk being brought to the same hospital for minimal scratches before being taken to jail. I missed Christmas & New Years Day.
(I'll continue on a little later)
I don't mean to start rambling on but some things are important to me and I need to say them. I'll try to not ramble to much. :-)
Part 2
I found out that 4 hours after the accident that the drunk's BAC was still way over the legal limit. It took the 4 hours because the Drunk wouldn't submit to the test so a Judge had to be woken up on Christmas Eve morning to sign the paperwork.
I woke up from my coma after having over 10 surgeries which included a rod in my left femur, knee to waist, staples in my chin, my scalp, my left butt cheek where they put in the rod, and stitches, stitches, stitches. I was awake but everything was foggy and I felt like I was in a dream...or nightmare. I hit my larynx in the crash so my voice box was swollen and I could only speak in whispers for several weeks. My vocal cords became stretched from screaming from the pain from everything. My vocal cords are still stretched and certain sounds don't come out so I have to try to think of other words to say "on the fly". I was stuck in ICU this way for several weeks as I was having other surgeries to do more repairs. 7 weeks of this before I was transferred to Rebound Rehabilitation at Independence Regional Medical Center in Independence Missouri. Rebound was a specialty rehabilitation center for head injuries in the main hospital. I had a closed head injury from hitting the rearview mirror. When I arrived at Rebound one of the nurses noticed I had a bladder infection so I was seen by a urologist. That doctor found that I had a torn urethra, which was where most of my pain was coming from. He stitched me up and a lot of my fog lifted. I was able to think more clearly with less pain and less pain medications. I spent 4 weeks at this hospital where I had occupational & physical therapy to learn how to walk and use my hands properly. I had speech therapy to try to improve my talking but I was still too swollen for it to help much. I finally got to go home but I had outpatient therapy for several more weeks. I was picked up everyday by a van and taken on a 30 minute drive to Rebound Outpatient for more therapy's 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I finally could use my hands a lot better and I went from a wheel chair to crutches to a cane. I also started getting my missed assignments from school. I had to catch up four months of classes while rehabbing. A teacher from my high school would come to the house after school got out for the day and would spend an hour with me to answer any questions I had on the homework. One month later I was back in school & out of rehab because insurance wouldn't pay any more. I went back to school and was only greeted by a few friends. Most people just looked down and walked away which really confused me. I was victimized by the drunk and now I was being victimized by supposed "friends". My high school had 2000+ students and only 15 or so were talking to me. That number went up some after a week or so but it was still far less than pre-accident. Many of John's friends would come up and talk to me but people that I had known for 8 or 9 years still ignored me. Even in marching band, that had a couple hundred people, there were very few that would say more than hello in passing. I was already depressed from the everything else so this just piled on. This is when I found out from a very close friend that the girl I was dating, that kept visiting me in the hospital, that told me she was pregnant before the accident but mysteriously wasn't afterward, was screwing around on me with many others!!!
(I will write more later...I've become too emotional right now, sorry)
Surviving a Drunk Driver - my true story - part 3
There wasn't much time left in the school year so I just smiled a lot because I didn't know what else to do. A few days before school got out for the summer I was approached by 6 people, individually, that apologized for not being more polite & nice to me after I got back. They explained that most people at the school didn't know the truth about what happened. They were told that John & I were in an alcohol related accident. The few people that knew what had happened weren't asked or were using the truth or their own good. (see the last couple lines of part 2 and use your imagination)
I don't mean to dwell on school but that's when it happened and that's when I was affected the most. John & I had plans...my original plan was to take my GED out of 8th grade and go on to college. I was the only person in Missouri to school a perfect score on a Missouri wide test that all students take. I had spoken to a couple colleges and universities and they said if I had my GED that I could start in the summer semester. My alcoholic father decided to "fly-off" to Vegas one morning instead of attending a meeting with the school officials. John & I talked about it and he talked me into going to High School instead of getting a new meeting. I decided to enjoy a couple years in high school then move on to becoming an Engineer. I took mostly academic classes and Acting. I also decided to tryout for the Freshman Football team. I wasn't any good but I thought if I didn't do it then I'd regret it. Luckily for me this is what got me into good enough shape to survive the wreck. I played for two seasons and had become a pretty quick runner. I ran 40 yards in 5 seconds flat in full pads. I couldn't catch a ball to save my life but I could run. I was going to run track in the Spring but I never got the chance. I was also signed up for Acting in the Spring but with my voice being damaged I didn't want to embarrass myself so I just dropped that dream. My Doctors kept telling me that I would be able to play football again after the rod came out so I became the Football manager my Junior year so I could keep busy during my dark times. Being Manager kept my mind busy on Non-suicidal things. I realized after the rod came out that I wouldn't be able to do any sport except bowling. John & I bowled every Saturday morning in a league so I stuck with it for as long as I could after I lost him. Bowling kept my mind busy so I had little time for other thoughts.
(I'll write more later)