Where do you want it mate?
Said the delivery man with a cheeky nod as if he were thinking I might reply with some butt-cheeked innuendo.
I gave him a stern look before motioning at a space in the hall as if to say, just there is fine you dirty-legged tramp.
The delivery guy heaved the gigantic box into the hallway and nodded amiably.
Enjoy!
He said before turning on his heel, heading back to his van to deliver similar boxes of happiness to his customers like a year-round Santa.
I made a chuffing noise of excitement as if someone had just offered me a goose to stroke.
It was my new TV. I couldn't wait. It had seemed like divine providence when one of the kids had whacked the old TV with a ball and the next time we watched it there was a white glowing patch where the ball had struck. A new TV must be had or we will end up at the gates of hell for not conforming to consumer sheepdom. I had announced portentiously. Si oh padre oh mio. Get tooting on the webs and purloin us something of the large variety. Had replied the Good Lady with a smile too as she was not the only one to feel the envy of the small screened when visiting other folks' houses with gigantic wall-sized screens in the corner of their rooms. And so we purchased a big TV for a very reasonable price. Now it had arrived I was prepared to hog the damn thing for days playing Xbox and watching shitty Marvel movies. The Good Lady helped with the giant box and soon we had the new TV out on the rug and we were gazing in awe at its black marble-like exterior. I have never seen anything so sleek and beautiful before. Remarked the Good Lady reverently, obviously forgetting the last time we had done the do and she had the opportunity to feast her eyes on my bangstick. It is a cracker. I murmured softly as I leaned in close to blow a hair off the screen. That's weird. The hair did not move. It remained there, about an inch long and perfectly straight right in the middle of the screen. Hey, this isn't a hair. It's a scratch?! I gnashed my teeth in anguish. The day which had shone so brightly only moments before was cheapened. Sullied now by the shitness of our scratched and damaged new TV. Bollocks. I will have to phone the fuckers. So phone I did. I got a new TV delivered today and the screen is scratched. Are you sure sir? Of course I am fucking sure? I am not a buffoon. It is as plain as day. A scratch, right in the middle. Language please sir. I don't understand, we take great care with our products. Are you certain? We inspect each product before it leaves. Of course I am certain. It is a scratch. I know what a scratch is. I am the Tech King. It's a bloody scratch! You will have to contact the manufacturer directly, this is impossible. No I will not contact the manufacturer directly. You will come take this scratched piece of crap and bring me a new one, preferably UNSCRATCHED. I do not have the authority for this sir. Are you absolutely sure it is scratched? IT'S A BLOODY SCRATCH!! RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE! ITS SCRAAAAATCHEDD! I gargled on my own rage saliva and shook my fist at the sky. A blur of telephone conversations with different people who took turns attempting to gaslight me followed. Eventually, the Store ran out of people who could deny that such a thing was possible and grudgingly accepted my return request, arranging an exchange for a new TV five days later. The days passed slowly. I chewed my nails. The fear setting in. What if the new one was scratched as well? What if I had to speak to more people for hours, bellowing that I would not be treated like an old shoe. I had spoken to one lady for so long the day of the delivery that I was worried I might have married her by accident. The day arrived and the delivery man swapped out my old scratched shitty new TV for a sealed box of heavenly TV promise. After he left the Good Lady and I fell to our knees pawing at the packaging until once again, a black behemoth lay on our rug. Its polished mirror-like surface gleaming up at us. Is it ok? The Good Lady trembled. I scanned the screen for imperfections like a Canadian Leather worker petting a fat dog. It was fine! Hurrah!! It is! There isn't a blemish on it!! We both stood and danced around our new God for some minutes before getting back down and starting to remove the silly bits and bobs of packaging that still stuck to the sides. What's this? The Good Lady tugged at a bit of red tape at the side of the screen. Dunno? Pull it off. The Good Lady pulled at the little tab of red tape and suddenly the top surface of the TV began to lift. What the hell? Is this a giant screen protector? She finished pulling it off and the screen shone even more slickly than before. I looked in horror at her and remembered my ranting hours on the phone some days ago. IT'S A BLOODY SCRATCH!!!..... OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT A SCRATCH IS?!?! Echoed in my head. It had a screen protector on it? Oops.
In this day and age of fragile sensibilities I must stress that when I say TV, I mean television. Not Transvestite. The Good Lady is quite clear that she does not approve of such things being delivered and besides, there is nowhere to store them and their big shoes.
"I had spoken to one lady for so long the day of the delivery that I was worried I might have married her by accident."
🤣
I was almost wondering about that screen film stuff when you first said "scratch".... but I was just SURE that you knew what you were doing. LOL !
I hate when stuff like that happens, don't you??? I'm SURE, I'm POSITIVE.... oh.... wait.....
Can you see them once they get it back to the scratch-and-dent department? Someone is going to buy that old scratched up thing for a deal !
Someone totally is!!! They will be like, what the fuck, I can't even see this "scratch!!!!" Lol.
I was so sure of myself I didn't even thing screen protector at all. As soon as I say out on the new one I knew that the old one didn't have a scratch and it was just a protector thing. It amused me no end though, one I got over my initial embarrassment! 😀😀
Their customer service should have known to ask you if you took the protective cover off your screen. So.... it's their fault for not asking that question.
That's right.... it's ALL their fault.
They really should have, theyacted like they didn't know anything about TVs, lol!
Hehe, I'm sure I have done similar.. it rings a bell. At least the stuff arriving is for you. I feel like a delivery receiver.. the amount of gear delivered for @bingbabe, knock-knock three.. times a day when WFH.
She is spending all the money! Call the money-cops! Mine does the same, lol.
I couldn't believe it. I was like fucking hell, how could I not notice. Icould have had my telly for almost a week!
The curse of being a tech, is we overlook stuff that's right in front of us. They won't check, and your 'old' telly will be sold off on the cheap somewhere.
I would be totally surprised if they checked. Even if they did I am sure they couldn't be bothered arguing the toss with me. I know I never want to speak to them on the phone again. It was horrible
RoFL! As I was going through I was going to ask if you had taken the screen protector off before or after discovering the scratch XD
How's the new tv? :)
It is awesome, such a lovely thing to watch.
I think my problem was that I haven't had a screen protector on a tv before, At least Idont think I have. I had my last one for ages and ages!
That was an insane turn of events. Not having bought anything new for a while, I probably would have done the same thing and thought it was a scratch. But since our after sales support isn't as good here, I might have lived with the 'scratch', and eventually found out about the screen protector. Glad you got a new TV, enjoy all the new movies and playing your games.
I almost did think about living with the scratch that never was because the phone antics were taking so long. At least if I had I would have discovered the screen protector eventually! lol!
I shall be gametastic!
🤣🤣🤣
At least the delivery driver actually waited at the door and delivered it to your actual house. We've had stuff left on window sills, in bushes, in the fuckin bin - I shit you not! So Innuendo Iano the delivery lad might not be the worst.
"portentiously" no less... Had to look that one up I must admit!
🤣🤣
Ahhh, delivery drivers. They do the same with us. One of them once went into my garage which was left open and stuck something next to the bin and I was like WTF, get out of my house!
Get out of my house you swine!!
I know man, I was like WTFUNKZ!!!
Oh deary me, you will have the returns department spending hours looking for the alleged scratch!
Someone will get a bargain.
Haha, maybe I am paying it forward to some lucky scamp picking up a bargain!
More likely they will all be pissing themselves in the warehouse laughing at the screen protector! :OD
Yeah it will be a case of .... right dosey bastard that one!
Yeah, I like that approach, you were paying it forward!
Either that or on of the guys will see it and confirm that it really was scratched and then try to take it! 😀😀
Aye it was a big scratch, no use to anyone, so I'll just take it home by the way!
Hahaha, but having the new one, at least you won the conversation.😄
I did win but I kind of regret the win! 🤣
Yeah.😄. well, let them think about it, they don't remember it in a long run.😁😁
Yeah, I am in the clear and they wont even have a clue!
Hahaha, true.😄😄 Have a nice day ahead.😊
You too!
😊😊
Damn. Guess now it makes sense how the IT troubleshooters always start with is the unit plugged into the wall 😉
I used to always ask the same thing when I worked in IT support! 🤣🤣
Check em off as you watch... otherwise you might watch one twice..
I know, there are so fecking many and they all sort of blend into one another now!
Oh man, at least you got a great story out of the ordeal! I despise having to call any customer service departments now. You have to set aside at least 30 minutes for the call and that's if everything goes perfectly.
Yeah, there is no customer service these days. It's all trained buffoons reading from a script and they can't deviate from it and sooner of them can't even read it!! 🤣🤣
You should make the service to take the statement down when they come for installation and don't forget to make 4K screen test on Youtube.
I have done the 4K test. It looks incredible!
They offered an installation service but it was 40 pounds. I was like ha, no thank you! 😀😀
It is free here 😄
It is free with some companies here but I chose the one that tried to charge me for everything! IT was relatively easy right enough!
Lmao. When I I read the above my mind was like "oh I bet the hair was under the screen protector and he'll figure out by the end of the phone call," but then you went full bore and got a new tv delivered - nice! 😂
Those protective screens and coatings are hard to see though. I thought that we had a scratch in our new fridge but same thing - just the plastic coating.
There is nothing worse than damaged goods being delivered. The amount of time you need to waste to resolve the issue is dreadful.
I was truly fired when I thought it was scratched and mortified when I realised that it must likely wasn't. Lol.
The screen protectors was totally snug. You couldn't tell. That's my story and I'm sticking to it... 🤣🤣
You didn't notice the red pull tab the first time around so it is possible that someone else had already removed the protector and the scratch was real.
I kinda think I might have noticed the little tab of tape at the end but was so incesed by the "scratch" that I didn't go any further and was straight on the phone. I am fairly sure it was all my fuck up!
I see. It happens. Well it worked out in the end at least.
It worked out quite well! I like to think that Fate was helping me avoid something that would be a problem in the future! :OD
Exactly. That TV was a lemon for sure that would have been glitchy everytime you used it and die entirely after 2 years.
lol Well, if they were such good quality control freaks, then you actually gave them something to do on the day your first set arrived. They really should consider themselves lucky. Glad you will be watching that huge new set. LOL....(screen protector lol)
You should have seen the gymnastics they tried to pull to not have to come and get the old one and deliver a replacement. It was impressive.
Which is why I feel a tad guilty almost! ... almost :O)
lol never admit guilt..glad you said 'almost'
Aye, exactly. Never!!! 😀😀
LOL! I wonder if they even checked the returned TV. How big did you go? I've heard that size matters. I'm old enough to remember getting our first colour TV :)
I've heard tales of cards in London phone boxes advertising a '20 year old TV' and people wondered who would want that.
I only went 55 inches. Which actually seems massive. I think that is quite restrained compared to folk I know.
Haha, phone boxes and cards in them, oh that takes me back to my youth when things were so much different!! LOL!
Ours is a mere 49", but it's in a big room, so we could go larger. I do eye the sets in Costco and John Lewis, but then think that I don't watch that much TV. Mind you, the prices have really dropped. As a student I got by with a 16" 'portable' (barely) set.
You don't seem to get the phone box cards so much these days. I would see a lot around King's Cross, but maybe they advertise online these days. Who actually uses a phone box these days anyway?
Yeah the prices crash down as they keep getting better, mine was a Samsung for under £400! I was very impressed. My mate spends daft money on his TV set up which I would never do.
I saw a phone box the other day and it stuck in my mind because it was such a rare thing to see. It was an old red one. I was like aw, look at that!
That is typical of us who have worked in a tech field. Seems we are always looking for a complex answer, when it is a simple one.
Over complicating everything!! And thinking we are always right! 🤣🤣
Especially when we are younger and full of piss and vinegar.
Haha, yeah defo then. The best times! :OD
I assumed for sure the year round Santa was delivering a tranny in a box, but after you pointed it out I agree - no one has enough room to store the big shoes…I mean, I’m sure big players like Jeff Bezos or Engelbert Humperdinck can manage to hold down a stock of transvestites and their shoes, but yeah, not us regular Jacks.
Five days of gut wrenching anguish, sharing your home with some ass-shit scratched up old bastard of a TV, and here I am, this whole time posting about trivial shit like flutes and crows…might as well have been playing with my own saliva and laughing at my farts - I had no idea you were going through the dregs like this man - I would have given you a consoling comment or reassuring reply if only so had known the dark depths to which you had sunk!
A screen protector??? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 …that was NOT anticipated.
Another fabulous glimpse into the life my dude, well-furnished with all the finest fineries. Cheers!
Haha, yes, I have been to the darkrest depths these last days. Sunk into a pit of deep and dark emotions of loss and emptiness and it was all my fault! 🤣
Them shoes, You would need an outhouse for em! Lol
For some reason, your description of your plight here reminds me of the Stone Henge situation in Spinal Tap 🤣
Hahahah, a very funny scene!!! :OD
I have 4 suns appearing on my TV so il be getting a new one soon myself.
Ha, that's exactly what we had except we only had two. It was murder watching something and thinking, why's the sun out week it's raining?
Here we would simply say:
What a great role I have played! Where can I hide?
Imagino las caras de su buena señora y la suya
😂
Our faces were quite the picture!!!
Thankfully it all turned out ok!! 😀😀
I can imagine, yes...😂
That English humor is charming.
Ha, English humour can be terrible, it's a fine line!!!
You Sir, are a fucking genius.
We bought this cheap Hisense 55inch Android thing last year and I've complained since we got it that the screen wasn't very sharp and a bit dull. So I read this post and rushed downstairs ay 11pm and pulled off the screen protector I didn't know it had!
To be honest, it hasn't improved it that much but the colours are a bit more vivid.
You are a skolar, sir :-)
Haha, that's bloody awesome!!!
I swear my last TV didn't have one. In fact I didn't know they were a thing but it seems like they are now!!!
Enjoy the colours!! 😀😀
Elevated sudden anger from zero to hero normally means you needed to do a closer inspection, Oh bugger you did it again....!
@tipu curate
Upvoted 👌 (Mana: 65/75) Liquid rewards.
Oh the anger was a frghtful thing to behold. I almost feel like I should apologise to them! 🤣🤣
Yeah, me too.... 🙃
Hehe, I will be nicer to the next five people I have to explain something to :OD
'Pleeze Ms I'll really try harder next time!' 🙃 Fuse grows shorter as the years add up...
The fuse totally does. I can totally see why people are so cantankerous as they get on a bit!
It starts with the phone being electronically answered, then moves off to another planet....
That's entertaining. Have you ever pulled what seems to be some kind of anti-glare film off, thinking that's a screen protector? I have.
I have done that too on an old phone. You get that sinking feeling that it's not looking too good under it!! 🤣🤣
It's worse when you peel the corner off then realize. And now every time you look at your screen, you're reminded of how things don't always go our way. So maybe it can be considered, motivating.
A demotivating motivator.
A lesson not to ever attempt anything.
Our a person in eternal regret. I bloody hate those ones!
Luckily, I survived the incident. And rather than giving up, next time I'll hire a scientist, or least someone who knows things about screens. Need a job?
Scientists are the best, I had one replace my window with a two way transporter in which the other end was in the Sahara. Boom, no more heating bills in the winter for me!
Why didn't they just dig a deep hole under your house? Heat rises ya know and it's so hot there even rocks are liquid. And if everyone did that, we wouldn't even have cold winters anymore. And the sahara could be a big ocean of liquid rock. Which would require even less energy to heat your house to the point it bursts in flames. So maybe don't do that.
It doesn't matter, it's always better to be foresighted!
What if I had removed the protective film from the other television and underneath the scratch on the film there was a scratch on the screen???
Without film they wouldn't have replaced it and we would have had to go on a punitive expedition and loot TVs.
Imagine that they gave me a 75 inch TV for the wedding, bought on Amazon and it arrived full of holes in the screen!
My friend returned it and got compensation and bought a 65 inch one from a shop, picked it up and delivered it himself to avoid trouble dehihihi!
!PGM
You would be right actually. Imagine I had taken the screen protector off and it was still scratched. I bet I would have had to jump through more hoops to get an exchange!
I think the next time I will just go and buy the blooming thing in a shop!
I'll tell you my friend, I'm so lazy now that I would even buy toilet paper online... But there are some items that perhaps it's still a good idea to buy in the store because if they're damaged at least they'll replace them without too much trouble.
Anyway how's it going now, Are you enjoying the beast?
Did you set the Xbox record?
Because at home I was ready to enjoy the magnificent and immense TV when my lady chased me back to Mordor to watch the TV from the eye of Sauron!
!PGM
Hehe, I am enjoying the beast!! It is still new enough that I marvel every time there is a cool scene and I go oooo.... Ahhhhh 🤣🤣
I will be going for the Xbox record this weekend!
I'm rooting for you, destroy this record Great Master!!!
!PGM
It shall be mine!!! :OD
Hahahaha! I didn't see that ending coming.
P.S. This was probably my favorite of your many jokes:
Did you have another ring on your finger, afterwards?
or perhaps on your 11th finger?
I dread to even begin looking for my eleventh finger for what I might see there! ;OD
I was amazed and horrified that I didn't think it had a screen protector. It was so well put on you couldn't see it! I felt like a proper doofus :OD
Hahahahahaha...
Don't feel bad, there is always someone worse than you. Look how many people in the shop couldn't tell you that maybe it was the screen protector.
Very true, none of them seemed to know or even ask if I had checked that! They just assumed I really did have a scratch. Dolts, the lot of them! :OD
The seller has to know his product. But the customer is always right hahaha....
The customer is indeed even when they are deeply deeply wrong!!!
Hahaha oops is right. Sadly the people at the store should have asked about the screen protector but it’s an honest mistake.
It’s going to break tomorrow because I’m saying this… but we’ve had pretty good luck with my TV that I’ve got. Things going on 15 years old at this point. I don’t want to buy a new TV because all of it is this dog shit “smart” insanity. Security nightmare, selling our data like a cheap whore.
Ah the mention of transvestite - I don’t even know if the youngens even know what the hell that is hahaha. The old days where things were simpler.
Ours was ten years old. Obviously back in the days of ten years past there was no fecking screen protectors.
Yeah, they are all smart as smart can be. There is no real getting away from it these days. Unless you set up much alias stuff but even then they have your address!
The young uns dont even care about that kind of thing anymore, Thats when you know you are getting old!
Well done, Tech King...
I won!
Sort of 🤣🤣
😂
Let me call you a winner since you won the convo😅😅😅
Thats what I like to hear! 🤣
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