This short post will be an update written mainly for all of the people I've made promises to and that I have yet to follow through on. It will also be a way for me to increase my own accountability to myself and to briefly access where I stand with my health and my projects.
They say life begins when you move.
Over the months and now soon to be years that I have spent on Steem a great deal of other things have happened in my life that would not be obvious to those that followed me. It would come as no surprise if the majority of the people that intended to read me have long since dropped off and are no longer looking for my posts. No hard feelings of course. I've not been putting in much work writing. Although I still plan to.
My early enthusiasm and a passion that I still retain were simply not enough to prevent a set back and a resurgence of issues that I had already been dealing with since before. Fatigue issues that I trace back many years to when my life was particularly stormy increased to a point where my big words and promises to others were only that. Promises, that I would leave unfulfilled. Some are broken, but those that came with no time limit I do intend to fulfill them eventually.
Health wise, I'm not sure at this point if I'm better or not than I was when I joined. Time perception becomes slightly blurred when you're dealing with insomnia or major fatigue. It's hard to explain, but imagine being hung over, dried out and still having nightly sweats that keep you from sleeping. Add to that a range of sensations that I've learned over the years that I can't really convey accurately to others. They are both typical pains and also more atypical "painful" physical sensations. A type of debilitating pressure headache has become the most common one and I deal with it to some degree every day. But I like to think that I have learned something from all of this. That while my physical prescience may not be so clearly improving, my mental capacity to deal with it and to push myself in new directions have.
My writing will commence at some point. I just don't know when. Obviously, that's a big question mark, but it is clear to me that I will do it eventually. What holds it back is not merely my health, but a list of priorities that I engage in for the sake of actually improving. Sometimes that makes any project besides getting to bed and getting up again take a back seat. Learning to deal with the anxiety that comes from knowing that time goes by even as I "don't do anything" has not been entirely easy at times. However it has helped motivate me to take a more "old school" approach of mine towards the world. It has made me rediscover sides of myself that I had forgotten and I think I will be a better person for it once I get out of this temporary rut. It has tested me, but I've used it as my reason to polish up on my personal philosophy and my outlook at the concept that is "my life".
Up and coming
As I'm making this post, I can tell writing comes more easily to me now than it has before. This is a good sign. I've made substantial changes in my sleep patterns as of the recent months and I've also been prescribed folic acid due to what I would bet is a deficiency brought on by constantly operating at, well not full throttle, but reserve power. Whether this prescription has helped or not is too early to tell (it's only been a few weeks), but I can tell that my mind is clearer - thoughts run more efficiently and take less effort - than it has been in some time.
Soon to be projects that I have planned and not yet executed include;
- Writing and publishing on Steem (Articles have been prepared, but need looking over)
- Building a consistent and manageable trading plan for use in Forex (etc) to suit my personal needs (This is a challenge considering the substantial brainfog I've dealt with, but I know I will get it working at some point) +Shout out to anyone who's interested in taking a more statistical approach to trading and has got the motivation but maybe don't know where to start or are looking for a new direction. We might be able to dig down on this one together.
- Podcasting, the topics being freedom, organization and much else. Due to some previous set backs, I've had to put this one on a hold. But eventually I will be open to working with someone on this as well.
- My "Ego" blog. Life re-invention. Building a better person and personal experience. This has been my motivation from the start for getting onto Steem. I intend to do a deep dive in philosophy and spiritual fulfillment, still keeping it grounded and practical for the actual individual.
Will it be Steem or something else?
That's the question. With so much happening in crypto, we can't really know what the future will look like even on a fairly basic level a few weeks down the line. There are the issues on Steem currently. There is EOS and the plan to create a Steemit alternative there. There are the pushes in the Steem ecosystem to change the more fundamental aspects of Steem, or at least to significantly mitigate/evolve how they are being utilized.
With so much uncertainty, which is life and even more so crypto-entrepreneurship, knowing with any degree of certainty whether Steem will be my primary platform once I'm done with all of what I'm currently going through is outright impossible. But if it isn't I will at least post here to let you know where I'm at. As I intend to do with this post, I will pin it in my profile and I will continue to keep an eye on Steem. Because I do see a lot of potential here, that's trapped and not quite being let out.
Lastly, before I wrap this up, I'd like to give a big thanks to all the developers in the Steem community. Especially the UI developers. I think users and developers alike significantly underappreciate the impact and the possibilities that a good user interface provides. Like my own experience of being a perfectionist, it can be easy to loose sight of what's actually the most important, in life or in work. A good UI can make even a fairly dull or non-innovative product both be and appear (which could be argued are in the end the same) more useful to the end user. That is the importance of careful design.
Thank you everyone for all your hard (and easy) work. Your productive endeavors make the world a bliss to live in. It makes us all far richer. If you know you've made any significance, this is for you personally.
I will try to return the favor. When the time comes.
/Thomas Hägg
@the-ego-is-you. I’m sorry to hear how you feel. It seems these are the kinds of issues which many of us face as the years go by. I hope you can get back to feeling normal and the inspiration to write comes back. My problem is head and body are out of synch. Body wants activity, head wants sleep.
It is clear that you have a special writing talent. It would be a shame that you can’t share it.
My problem seems to be the inverse of yours. I'd love to be able to write all the time, but my lack of energy makes writing too hard right now. There's a hint of perfectionism to it as well. I tend to be my harshest critic and the writing I do has to be truly fulfilling for my own sake, or I don't want to do it.
Thank you for your kind words. I will not waste what talent I have, be so sure. I will get back on track eventually.
I will be looking forward to your coming articles. Good luck!
What about typing with your voice on a programme that writes from what it hears?!
That's thinking outside of the box! Appreciate the effort. Unfortunately I probably get more tired from actually speaking than I do from writing. But hey, if you think about it reverse... that's a good thing. I get less tired from writing and I think eventually things will be going really well.
Sounds to me like you didn't meditate in a while that's all, and the "you" has crept back in disguised as the "me"!
I don't think so, but I will keep that in mind for now. I have done more meditation as of late than in the previous months however, so maybe there's something to that part.
The thing I find is that when I mediate regularly then we see it all as "not really needed" and that goes for Steemit also hahaha. We see that any thing either an object or an activity, or even a thought, isn't actually relevent to anything, and we smile, and that in the end it will make us sad because the idea of it made us happy at first. I think your correct then because its most likely the same for all who meditates, as we are one anyway in this state so the "ego" dissolves, thus we loose "ourselfs" and that includes our ideas.. So then theres the target to find the balance of it all just as I am. If i start regular meditation 30 mins twice a day atleast, then im thinking "well should i start the computer up and do a post?".. but.. I dont actually need to , I can just sit here and be. Shit this could go on for days! So finding a balance of still and movement is the one I reckon!
Writing is a love/hate relationship for me. I love doing it when I'm inspired to write about something specific, but otherwise it is very hard for me to get motivated. I've had two posts that I needed to get done for months now, but I just haven't felt like completing them.
I have no illusions of people's interests either. Most people have very little interest in their home security. By home security too, I don't mean just a scam default monitored alarm system. I mean the entire process that books have been written about and many more books should be written about.
What the police, fire departments, and alarm companies teach people is just the tip of a very large iceberg. What I've found though is that most people won't even bother to properly secure their doors let alone take a more thorough approach. It doesn't have to be expensive either, so people from all levels of income have ways to improve their situation.
Therefore, knowing all of that, I write for my own sake. Yes, I write to help people, but my assumption is that most people won't read the post anyway. That's fine though as long as I'm not writing for them first. As many of us on here do, we are writing to improve our craft and to put ideas into the blockchain.
For me at least, it is all worth it even if I help just one person. I know you have helped far more than one person too my friend, so please never feel the need to apologize. We all have many things tugging at us day to day that take away our energy and time. If something is meant to happen too, it will eventually happen.
Your symptoms sound an awful lot like those a close friend of mine suffers from. They treat it successfully with a plant that resolves almost all of the symptoms at once while also making sure they sleep well. I'm not sure if you can get access to it or if you'd be willing to try it, but it sounds like you should at least consider it.
Without enough quality sleep, none of us can function properly. I hope you find a way to resolve that issue and feel better soon!
This for sure. I also like the "If only I help one person, that will be worth it" attitude that you mention and I like to restate it for the purpose of producing content intended to influence society as "If only I influence one person, that will be worth it". My stream of writing becomes a meme, that can produce rings on the water down the line. All with the intent of adding value to peoples lives, of course.
That plant has most likely been on my list of things to try. Many have. However there are pretty subjective yet harshly applied laws in this country and I don't want to get in trouble for using anything for medicinal purposes. That would be the last straw.
Sleep and overall health is improving, but it's a slow, shaky and cyclical process. As long as I'm alive and well enough to get through the day, I'm content with being and can accept that fact. Things can (almost) only get better from here!
Well, I hope you do get better, and I hope you can move or find a way to try the plant as medicine. I know people who would not be alive today if they had not used it. They ignored the stupid laws against it as well. Doing that is a personal choice though as you know!