Excerpt: A girl loves a boy and does not want to leave him just because he doesn't put much effort into their relationship as she does. So, what to do? How to change your spouse's behavior? We live in the age of individualism, and in the hands of the more aware partner lies the responsibility for the success of the relationship. Not through struggle or force, but through acceptance and self-change.
Credit: Doug Thomas
Hi,
I have been living with my boyfriend for more than three years now. He works until late in the evenings and claims that he has no time to invest in our relationship. He says that he is very tired and prefers to sleep when he finally has time. But I think that this is the character of a lazy person. I am the one who always takes initiatives and dedicates time and effort to our love life. Is there any way to encourage him to change other than endless discussions that don’t help?
Shura
Shura,
The only way to cause the situation to change is to first accept it and fully live with it. Meaning, accept your partner as he is. The basic physical principle in life and on the path of TrueLove says that there is no way to change something you resist. The more effort you put in battling with a situation and in trying to inflict change on it, the more you perpetuate it.
A question you must ask yourself is why are you compromising? Have you lived with that person for three years now and all along have suffered that attitude of his?
Why?
Don’t you deserve more and better?
Are you afraid to take the plunge and leave?
Naturally, the reason may be that you love him; but if so, then what are you complaining about? Love towards your partner (and in general) should be unconditional because once that ground is provided the partner has a comfortable and nutritious cushion for his (or her) development. No one is forcing you to stay with him but if you make that decision, do not try to change your boyfriend; it won’t succeed.
And still, there is something you can do – work on yourself. Firstly, make a conscious effort to change the way you perceive your partner. Nowadays you see him as a lazy person. You did not say: “when it comes to our relationship he is lazy”, but you ascribed to him the quality of laziness as a general characteristic. But this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because if you see him as lazy now, and next week you will see him as lazy and next year the same, then when you finally get married guess what? – he will still be lazy. Do you want a lazy spouse?
In an intimate relationship, when a telepathic connection between two individuals is present, one’s thoughts and emotional images influence the other and build the nature of the relationship. Many people blame their partner for having bad qualities but they do not realize that due to the fact that they create their own reality, it is they are who responsible for perpetuating certain qualities that they have repeatedly perceived in the would-be spouse.
Therefore, providing you choose to remain with your partner-
Accept him as he is. Consider the situation as being a great lesson for you to practice unconditional love. Give to him and to the relationship without expecting to be rewarded (and I can tell you that you will be rewarded!).
Focus on the productive side of your partner, on his “positive” virtues, on the characteristics that made you love him in the first place.
Good luck!
if we go back in history, men are quite focus on how to make a money for their family, they don't have time for any romantic and emotional needs, women for instance have much more emotional needs than a man, and the man have much more physical needs like sex.
Haha, how could I possibly disagree with you here?
Convincing others always implies that we find our way better than the others' way. But on the one hand, what is good for us might not be good for others, and on the other hand, if we have the freedom of doing things in our own way, we should acknowledge that others too have the freedom of doing it in their own way.
Most peoples' method these days is to avoid victimization by victimizing others. Like offense is the best defense. Yet this is unaware offense in fear of getting attacked oneself. This exposes all the 'weakpoints', so that in the attempt of victimizing (attacking) others we victimize (attack) ourselves.
avoid what we want to stay away from the ugliness of someone we care about, but need the right method to do it
Ah! I wish all people in relationships remembered that. 😌
I couldn’t agree with you more. Not that I’m lazy, I would say I’m the opposite. Sometimes I work and do too much. I always have to find things to do. I don’t think this guy is lazy, he works until late night, how could he be lazy? He is just tired, he is just a human. There is a huge difference between being lazy and tired. I do feel for this guy, because I know how women are sometimes. At some point I stopped trying to understand them, it would take too much energy to do that. If he loves her, he will eventually notice she is not happy and will do something special for her. If she keeps trying to push him to do things, he would feel forced and at the end neither of them will enjoy it. I do love my wife unconditionally, but if she tried to force me to be someone I’m not, it wouldn’t make me feel good at all.
Women are easy to understand if you see them as human beings who reflect you.
What do you want? to be loved. So women want the same. The difference is that men, in general, gave up on their women, who, on their part are too focused on the outside and therefore can't bring themselves to be loved.
In my opinion. A woman's heart is very gentle. In the soul of a woman there is a very gentle soul. Example. A mother. Compassion is so gentle. Even before we are born into the world. A mother is dear to us. Because in the soul of a woman there is already a tender nature and affection.
To convince a woman is easy enough.
We can give him a sense of comfort.
And more attention to women.
A woman loves romantic words.
A woman is easy to forget.
If we ever hurt him. We can apologize. Her heart is easy to melt. Moreover we like to give him a gift.
It is Good to remember that within every man and woman there are both aspects, the female and the masculine.
Great one the post @nomad-magus
love one word a thousand meanings, I also do to my partner build a sense of confidence in the couple - It is impossible we keep an eye on our boyfriend for 24 hours a day. Build a sense of confidence in our spouse.If the sense of trust awakened comfort and tranquility of each will be created.
Thanks you
Indeed.
Either you trust or not. Simple.
I believe in something that has a good effect and I believe it is very good
No... There is no way he is goin to put more effort as long as he is able to see tons of other teens daily....
I am genius... I should be given permission to live on other planet 😝😝😋😋
Too much porn, mate😉
Hey@nomad-magus i really agree with you when you say
In life if you cannot change the situation then change your attitude towards it one thing i have to notice is that everytime a man comes to a comfortable home he is joyful then let her change her character may be she throws it in his face that he is lazy and that turns him off some how or the home itself let her change the arrangments but love is patient let her wait upon on the guy when she is changed too definently he will change too am sure
Your advice is great
Thanks for the feedback 👍
It's true, if someone chooses to be in a relationship they must accept some ground rules.
Yes I agreed, and in my opinion many of ways in real love, if she really love him and sincere with him, then she should be stay with him, and see a 1 day her Boyfriend will be accept that he was wrong, and I'm sure he will give her to time and love and live long with comfort, that's all, well my English is lilbit weak, but I'm sure you will be understand that's what I'm saying in this comment, well its a nice and learning full post for sincere lovers, keep it up, thanks for sharing with us, thank YOU.
As written in the book "mens are from mars, womens are from venus" ... that women do feel the need to be loved. Live how we can prove how we really love, do continuously until the woman feels completely confident with our proof.
Because we all know, love always gives space to the freedom of his beloved, just enough you disclose, prove it; then it happens!
Falling in love does make people fly to the clouds. You will also feel so many butterflies clashing in the stomach. Unfortunately, this feeling is only temporary. Remember that true love does not require passion, but how can we accept a couple's shortcomings. Mutually complement each other, Do not be too dominant in a relationship. You must learn to complement each other with your partner. That way you will more easily in living relationship with your loved ones. my personal story @nomad-magus
I do agree and understand your side @nomad-magus but you know in a relationship there should be a give and take right somewhat a communication -- a two-way process. It is not about nagging about your partner's attitude but it is like hoping for a situation to come that someday you will also feel that you're not just like anybody that your partner knows that your his girlfriend. Yes, girls are sometimes dreaming about fantasies but you know girls are always girls they should be treated as one. Just my opinion though haha. But nice point @nomad-magus make sense
I understand what you are saying. "girls are girls" and that's how it's been for many many years. My point is that humanity evolves, and man and women begin to integrate both the feminine and masculine sides that are within them. I agree that there should be a reciprocity in a relationship, but what happens when there isn't? that's the issue. Instead of complaining, the woman should claim her power and make a choice.
how to change our partner's behavior is to give each other ways to make good to others, life is not about how much we collect financially but how much we have helped others who need our help
A relationship is likely to last way longer, if each partner convinces or has convinced themselves that they do not deserve their partner, even if that is not true.......
Interesting approach
Thanks for appreciating me @nomad-magus
The heart of a small woman does not bear any pressure you can convince the simplest things, but you have to be honest with them and do not betray them and not lying to them will certainly win
compromising with circumstances is a wise solution. if we emphasize selfishness we can be sure the relationship will not last long. When we are angry, all we need to remember is his kindness. Many people, when angry at the trivial things, he forgot his partner's goodness.
Previously I would like to say a thousand thanks to you @nomad-magus, because each of your posts is always an inspiration for me personally and I am sure also towards others.
And today the explanation you gave to Shura is really fantastic. You know putting yourself in every complaint that people share with you.
Maybe someday I'll try to consult you.
Thanks for the feedback @ojaatjeh🙏
You will be most welcome.
Such cases are felt by many couples. The woman is caught doing a lie and the man is angry and the woman tries to restore the man's trust. Or vice versa
I think personally ..
We live in his nature has been equipped with sense to try to achieve everything, including TO achieve happiness with a partner. Of course, then we should try to achieve it.
the question!!!
We all certainly understand that happiness is one of the foundations that strengthen a relationship. When a strong relationship it will be easier for you to set foot where the purpose of love that you want with your partner. And it should be understood that goals are the most important basic things that must exist in a relationship.
your article is very touching life @nomad-magus
Thanks for this
You give her a good advise. you are really a genious man. thanks for your everything.
you are really great sir,,, i like your post,,,thanks for your special advice,,,thanks for posting
yes it is true that you say this @ nomad-mag me same as you say this three years i dating same ex i used to think he was right "so my wife is good when i can split again with him, i think" about me this maybe for my good also this. from the nantik time I already married me he was a safe household relationship for me thanks.
i think if you have the courage and you know you deserve more you can leave
there is no need to compromise
and when you want to stay
you have to compromise
your advice is spot on already
Love doesnot demand efforts, here you have to give your best and expect nothing in return.
I totally agree that love is about accepting each other the way they are. Accepting him ll lead to less complaining and life can be beautiful. And importantly when we mean that love is about giving and giving selflessly, I believe you get it back in one way or the other.
Shura can start accepting her partner the way he is, coz may be it's his hectic schedule that lead him to behave so, may be it's not intentional at all and also may be he might be thinking that Shura understand him well.
Shura needs to introspect and focus on positive aspects.
May be she will start feeling the guilt later...
@shahaan if she loves her actually, then there is no complaining. she needs to introspect and ask herself if she deserves better. Loving is accepting each other and growing❤
Absolutely.. @nomad magus.. It should be accepted as it is...
thanks for your advice
womens like angel & mens like devil. prove it.
No thats not true, because in humanity everyone is equal, if somewhere males look like as devils then you will also find there same in the females,
Actually, love is one of several feel which much complacated. the wiseman says "from love will came hate, and from hate will came love". it mean, when the person love to much and if someday she/he betray a person, it can make hate feels. on the otherway, when some one hate some thing too much, and someday when they will be understand each other, it can make so much love.
in other case, every people who life in this earth, have a negatif and positif side, beacause it natural laws. in other pholosophy they call it yin and yang yin is about love and yang is about hate. so when some one can control yin and yang in equill situation, they are can life in peace feel of their physical and soul.
I am sorry about my english sir, because I am rarely writing in english
great sharing....resteem and upvote :)
Now this is something i can get behind.
Ive been busy of late and havent been able to
do the interview with @sircork but
i love what he is doing and seeing a team band
together is encouraging for the future
What i really love is that picture showing who you are voting for in the witness category.
I think all witnesses should be required to do this to see how corrupted the system has become.
Witnesses need to be held accountable. Good luck, youve got my vote