All too often women believe it is a sign of commitment, an expression of love, to endure unkindness or cruelty, to forgive and forget. In actuality, when we love rightly we know that the healthy, loving response to cruelty and abuse is putting ourselves out of harm's way. ― Richelle E. Goodrich, Smile Anyway
Hi, my fretz!
I’ve talked about the types of abusive relationships on my last post, which you can find HERE.
This time I want to talk about how to identify if you’re friend or you is in an abusive relationship. I was certainly young and didn’t even know that I was in that situation. I was so naïve to see that as a sign of love and affection and I kept on thinking that he really does care about me. Bear in mind that it just does not happen to the young ones, it can happen at any age and whether you are married or not.
How to Know if You’re in an Abusive Relationship?
1. Dominating Attitude. The abuser always has the last word. He doesn’t allow their partner to make their own choices. You are not allowed to disobey what the abuser wants. He wants his partner to follow everything he/she says without asking questions.
2. Very Possessive. This person is very jealous. Any member of the opposite sex that talks to you is a threat. He will make unjust accusations even if you are not doing anything. The abuser always thinks that you are flirting, lying and cheating. He can even call you a “whore” or a “bitch” just because you said hi or hello. Even your family, he thinks that they are always a threat to your relationship.
See how twisted his mind can be? This person is lacking in every aspect. He is very insecure and has a very slow self-esteem.
3. Intimidation. One of the first signs that you have a twisted partner is him giving you senseless threats. He uses different methods of forcing you to follow him into submission. This can start as destroying things or harming the people around them (I saw this firsthand and ignored this crucial sign).
4. NO Freedom. As the relationship gets longer, you’ll find yourself losing friends, losing your family. You would be at fixed point and your world will be confined in places with just you and your partner. For example, all your time after the office or after school would be with him. You won’t have any free will. As the abuse gets longer, you will find yourself being alone and you have nowhere to run to for help. At times, they even stop you from going to school or from working.
5. Blame Game. This person is always in denial. Anything that he does wrong, whether he lost a game, whether his parents hates him, whenever he loses a job, whenever he’s broke, it will always be your fault, he will blame you for everything. He will never think that he is lacking. He will never think that it was because of him. He will always find someone to blame for all his shortcomings.
6. Punishment. Once you disobey, once his wishes are not granted he will give you what you deserve. It could be a cold shoulder. It could be beating you up and hurting you physically. He sees satisfaction that he was able to get back at you whatever method he uses.
7. Making Threats. He then gives you threats about killing your friends and family if you don’t comply. He will kill you if you go out. He will ruin everything if you don’t follow. These are tactics that he’ll do just to make you stay or follow what he wants.
8. Mood Swings. From the most tyrannical attitude he then switches it off and becomes the sweetest and caring partner. He often does this when he’s done making you feel shit or if you are full of bruises and a black eye. And once you say or do something that can trigger his ego, he’ll go back to his old self and you’ll become his punching bag once again. You will then have to watch everything you say or do. It’s like walking on eggshells and he’s like a walking time bomb. His mood swings are just out of this world.
sourceNever be a victim with this type of person and you should never get tied up with this kind of relationship. Get out while you still can.
♥@dawnsheree
This made me realize that I as well is also abusive to my boyfriend in our relationship esp when J give him cold treatment which he does not deserve.
If it becomes repetitive it can be a sign of abuse. It greatly depends on the situation sis. :)
Yeap, pretty much.
I don't think cold shoulder really counts. People have natural emotional swings. You want to be in the lookout for extreme swings and just really nasty altercations (verbal counts too, yes. Really hurtful insults). At least, that's how I am interpreting this.
Still cold shoulder affects the other person emotionally. I promised to mysef to be nicer to him.
I agree definitely! That information I missed out thanks Evan!
Girls and their cold shoulder treatment... sigh....
Lol Rukka! Can't help it. ^^
awesome article. if only all ladies can have a feel of the message in this article, they'd be more enlightened about who best to be around and vis-versar
Yes, I agree with you definitely. Sometimes people see it a different life, they mistake abuse as love.
I agree on all of those points and they are the most obvious signs that you are in an abusive relationship with the abusive person.
But, sometimes people fall into a trap I can help her/him. I can change him. He/she will change if I just keep trying to change him. It is the humanity in us which sometimes always tries to see the good in people. And, it is admirably trying to do so. But, sometimes we have to realize people don't want to change their ways, they don't see what they are doing is wrong, and they probably never will. Knowing the difference when to go a separate way is the hardest thing to do for people. :)
Great post my friend. Interesting topic. Keep on writing. :)
Hello, @awakentolife I've seen you on steemengine but wasn't really able to interact and get to know you. Glad you dropped by! ^^
Yes, those thoughts could be a factor why someone's sticks and doesn't want to leave a relationship.
On the other hand, I still believe that people do change and there is good in them. ^^ They just got to have the right perspective and they don't need anyone to do that for them, it's from within and their willingness to completely turn around their life (that's what I learned too). ^^
♥
Having the courage to call it what it is - this is a vital first step. Waking up from a sense of helplessness, and making a powerful choice, as scary as it is in that moment. Especially if tricky financial elements are involved.
Support networks are definitely needed to get through such a step.
Hello Scott! It is a vital step. This happened like a decade ago. I'm okay now and this one I wrote to help others not get stuck with this kind of relationship.
It's great that you wrote this, and put the information out there. Who knows if someone will read it and find the courage to make the right choice. Using your own experience to help others is a great thing to do.
@naquoya Yes, someone will need this and hopefully will understand the situation they are in. It's not something that I am proud of but it's something that has honed me on who I am today.
Though not in a relationship now, but I've seen some of my closest friends face these sort of relationship. And it is very detrimental physically and mentally. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for dropping by!@zord189 It's been awhile. :) It almost ruined me and saw a few of my fretz also. ^^
Hiya Dawn
This is brilliant! I really hope lots of people (women, men, girls, boys) read this and spot the signs of abuse before they're too deep into the relationship.
The luxury of recognising the signs comes with experience and hindsight. When you're inexperienced with this type of thing, it's easy to overlook the red flags – give the abuser the benefit of the doubt – reframe the situation to award them a better character than they deserve.
Best wishes
Cheers
Anj x
Hi Anj!
Yes, sometimes people just get blinded with too much emotion that they weren't able to see what's really on the outside. I know you know this too. ^^
I miss you xx
Yes :(
I missed you too. But caught you before :D yay
laters
Anj x