Why am I ending the quest to be a good person?
What I'm surprised to find is that my quest to be a good person is very damaging in terms of having the ability to unconditionally love all my other fellow humans on this Earth and to not feel like I'm separate.
I feel like a lot of us are on the same quest as I've been to be a good person. We're on this journey to prove that we're a good person to the world as I explain in this post and YouTube video!
Thank you very much to @gmichelbkk for converting the transcription of the YouTube video from GoTranscript into this beautiful post for Steemit, which is much faster to read than the video and has beautiful illustrations!
Ending the Quest to Be a Good Person!
We're on a journey towards being a good person by trying to work and make money because the idea is that if you’ve got enough money, if you are not broke, then you're a good person.
Or we're out there trying to get or keep a relationship, to prove that we're a good person, because we have a boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancée, husband, wife, partner, et cetera.
Or we're on a quest to be a good parent, where we then can look at our children and say, "Well, I did a good job parenting that child."
The problem is, on the quest to be good, it's necessary to create bad.
I've been praying in the morning for hundreds of days in a row to be a good husband and father. Well, what does that mean then?
Doesn't that mean if I'm praying to be a good husband that I'm also praying not to be a bad husband?
And by praying to be a good husband, aren't I judging the bad husbands out there?
"Well, this husband's bad, because he's not faithful to his wife."
"This husband's bad because he works too much."
"This husband's bad because he's ugly."
"This husband’s bad because he doesn't work."
"This husband's bad because he hates his job and complains about it all the time."
Aren't I making some perfect vision of good, and then looking around, even if this is subconscious and saying, "Well, these people are bad?"
I'm setting up this knowledge of good and evil, and I'm essentially aiming at one part of it, while trying to deny or avoid the other part of it.
What happens then when I get a thought in my head that another woman's attractive?
Am I a bad husband then, because I’ve thought, “Wow, that woman's quite attractive?”
Am I a bad husband then because I have thoughts that aren't faithful?
See, the problem with creating good and bad is that it creates the necessity for me to exclude certain thoughts. It creates a necessity for me to judge other people and to show that I'm good.
What if I just pray to be a husband?
What if I pray to be of service as a husband, to just be a useful husband, to be a husband that I'm happy with?
What I've been reading is the Bible and I'm in Genesis. It seems that men and wife were very happy until the knowledge of good and evil came about, and to me that's the pain of separation.
What I've been mostly doing is judging how I was before as bad, and judging how I am now as good. You might not think that's a big problem, but what I've been doing a lot is talking about how bad I was in the past, with the implication that I'm praying to be a good husband today, because I was either not as good or a bad husband in the past.
Wouldn't it be just easier to just live my life and accept what comes without the pressure, essentially?
"You’ve got to be a good husband."
"You have to be a good father."
"You have to be a good friend."
"You have to be a good worker online."
What do I do then when I'm not?
What happens when I have a grievance against my wife, that I'm upset with her?
Am I a bad husband then because I disagree with my wife?
Where does it end?
The quest to be a good person can be incredibly damaging to the rest of the world. What happens when you're just trying to go to work and be a good person?
Do you assume that by going to work and doing your job you're being a good person?
But what if the work you're doing is hurting a lot of other people, even if it's indirectly by signing papers or by allowing money for something?
What happens when I assume that I'm a good person just because I go to AA meetings?
Or I assume I'm being a good husband just because I'm faithful to my wife?
Or I assume I'm being a good father just because I don't smack my daughter?
Or I assume that I'm being good to my dogs just because I feed them?
How much room am I making to do bad when I have a narrow definition of good like that?
What I tend to do is make this ridiculous definition of good, and then I can never live up to it. Now, I'm a good husband if I'm faithful to my wife, if I don't argue and disagree with her, if I'm there to help her all of the time and about 5,000 other conditions are required from me to be a good husband.
Therefore it's very easy on my quest to be a good husband to fail often over the tiniest little detail. Maybe I argued a little bit with my wife, and now I'm not a good husband anymore. A good husband doesn't argue with his wife. You see how the rules could easily differ. Your idea of a good husband might be one that stands up to his wife, who doesn't just allow his wife to do whatever she wants.
What if everyone's idea of what's good is different?
What we have then are people who are trying to do a good job coming to conflict with each other. This is how we have wars, one good soldier is trying to shoot another good soldier. They're both trying to be a good soldier, which is why they're trying to kill each others. If they were bad soldiers, they might both put down their guns and walk home, and be with their families. Sometimes it's better to not be good at things. Sometimes bad is good.
You see that in the soldier example it's so clear. If all the soldiers were bad soldiers and they just put down their guns and went home, you might say, "Well, that's a terrible and useless soldier, no good to his country.” If everyone's soldier is like that, no one could fight. If there weren't good soldiers, then there wouldn't be good wars or bad wars. There wouldn’t be any wars at all if there weren't good soldiers to fight them.
There wouldn't be atomic bombs if there weren't good physicist, hoping to do a good thing for their country, going to work, and then all of the sudden, now we have all these nuclear bombs who were made by good physicists, or you might say that they were bad.
You see, the problem is that labels are totally arbitrary. What one person says is good, another person might say is bad. I'm sure there are men who would look at me and say, "He's a terrible husband. Look, he's weak, he's wimpy."
Someone might say that I'm a terrible husband. Others might say, "Wow, he's practically a saint."
Why would I try and aim being something that's so subjective?
Something that leads me to either do very little and just say, "Well, as long as I meet this one condition. If I don't hit my wife, then I'm a good husband. Whatever else I do, I'm a good husband."
When I go on this quest to be a good person, it leads to these extremes where I either have a minimal standard of good, that then I can be essentially like I want and still be a good person.
Or it leads to the other extreme of where I have to just keep pilling more and more conditions on to be good.
All of a sudden, there are 5,000 different things I have to do to be a good husband. Not one person in the world would probably agree with all those 5,000 things as qualifying as a good husband or a good father, or a good friend, or a good family member, or a good business owner, or a good podcaster, or YouTuber.
I made a video yesterday that was kind of a rant and what I’d basically been doing is just excluding most of those things. It's not that I didn't do that in my head. It's not that I didn't experience that. I was just excluding that from my podcast because even in my podcast, I was trying to be a good person.
"Let me show you, let me prove to you what a good person I am."
A lot of my work online has been the quest to prove I'm a good person and I'm grateful to see I'm not.
I'm not even a person necessarily, you might say a soul. I'm not even a body, I'm just here. I'm here to love, that's my one united purpose. I'm here to love unconditionally, to be of service, to be useful and sometimes, that might be useful by me being a bit more honest.
"Look, I'm not a good person in every single aspect of my life. I have sexual thoughts that would qualify as bad."
My idea of a good person is that a good person doesn't have sexual thoughts like that, and that's the whole problem with the good, it requires then denying or rejecting, or lying about the various things we go through, and that's how the world seems to be so suffocating.
I heard a story about a girl going to a sonogram with her mother in law, and feeling really nervous and upset about it, but feeling like she had to be a good daughter in law, put on a strong face, that she couldn't just be upset in front of her mother in law.
Why?
If you're nervous and upset, why not just show that?
The problem is, we get into this programming, “I have to be a good wife or a good husband, or a good employee, and a good employee doesn't break down and cry at work.”
Well, what if you need to break down and cry at work?
I have had this idea in my life about a good man, and ultimately, all of the things we have a problem with come down to a simple functionality of how men and women are programmed to be, “You be a good boy like this and this is how you be a good girl,” and what we have a problem with occurs all over the place.
In other words, trying to just fix one little aspect of it doesn't make any difference, especially when it's from outside. What you notice is that whatever you try to fix simply morphs into a different problem.
The pain of separation
As I've noticed, the more I've tried to be a good person, that it keep cropping up these things that don't qualify as a good person. Suddenly, I'm saying nasty things, even if it's just in my head. I'm judging and condemning other people who must not be good.
"They're not as good as I am."
That is where the pain of separation comes in, and ultimately, that's the one wound, that's the victim that we're all a victim of.
The one thing, if you strip off all the dressings about how we're victims, it all comes down to the pain of separation, that it probably goes all the way back to even being raised as an infant, that pain of separation that you're not part of the tribe, you're not part of the community.
"We're going to leave you as a screaming baby in this crib all by yourself until you fall asleep, to show you that we are dominant over you."
"We're going to deal you the blow of separation. We're going to show you that you're alone in this world and no one cares about you."
That is our initial experience once we are born and often years on into infancy. Even when our parents were sure they were being good parents. They read parenting books that said, "You got to let your child cry it out."
Or, "You have to show your child who's the boss."
They were trying to be good parents and they dealt us this horrible blow of separation.
This is the problem with good.
When you're so sure you're good, why investigate any of the bad?
Why look at any of the bad?
When I'm so sure I'm a good husband, I just need to deny or fight against anything that doesn't qualify as good, or ignore it, or lie about it. Yes, I notice other women and why does a good husband notice other women being attractive?
You might think, "Well, that's a minor detail."
The problem is that the quest to be good is comprehensive. The more good you get, the more good you have to keep being or the more you have to start shoving things under the rug.
"Let's just pretend I don't ever notice any other women are attractive. We'll just shove that under the rug, because that doesn't fit with my idea of a good husband. Or does it?"
"A good husband would be so attracted to his wife that that same programming would allow him to also, essentially, be able to recognize the same in others."
Does a good husband also notice when men are attractive?
I notice when there's an attractive man, "Wow, that is a good looking man." Is that part of being a good husband or would a good husband be rigidly straight?
A good husband wouldn't notice if another man's attractive.
A good husband might not have a thought about being with another man.
You see, this whole business of being good makes life suffocating. It puts this pressure on us from outside. What I've noticed is that the outside world puts almost no pressure on me. The outside world actually makes my life pretty easy. The outside world really asks very little of most people.
It's the inside pressures, this idea that I have to be a good person, that puts a gigantic stress on me. I feel that stress in my body. I've been experiencing that as I wake up in the morning, and I have this huge laundry list of things that I need to do to prove I'm a good person.
Let me prove to you that I'm good!
I have to do my podcast to prove I'm a good person.
I have to change my daughter's diaper in the morning and hang out with her to prove I'm a good husband and father.
I need to feed my dogs to prove that I'm a good dog owner.
I need to then start filming video classes or making some music to prove that I'm a good business owner, to prove that I'm a good man who knows how to work.
And then I've got to prove that I'm a good husband again by going through and syncing up what I do with my nap time.
I have to prove that I'm a good man again by getting to work, that I'm a good worker by doing all this work online.
I have to prove I'm healthy then by eating a certain way.
I have to prove that I am willing to have discipline by going over and make my smoothie.
I have to prove that I'm a good alcoholic by going to my AA meeting.
I have to prove that I'm a good son in law by going to hang out with my family.
I have to prove that I'm a good brother, son, and friend by calling my brother, mother and friends up.
You see, it's easy to get anxious, “Well, what if I can't prove to everyone how good I am today? What if I don't do a good job at something?”
Shame trigger
Like today, I had what I call a "shame trigger." I forgot to put the recycling out, because in St. Petersburg, Florida, the recycling where I live comes on Mondays and every two weeks, and if you don't put your recycling out by 5:00 in the morning, maybe at 6:00 or 7:00, it's too late. I put it out there at 8:30 and it already came.
If you don't go put it out there, then you miss it and you've got to wait two weeks for the recycling again. Often, my huge recycling can gets filled up in two weeks, so now I'm looking at the prospect as it is half full, what is going to happen to it in two weeks?
Now, all of a sudden, I'm not a good person anymore because I missed the damn recycling.
Then guess what?
I go let the dogs back in because they are crazy and want to eat in the morning, my daughter's got a mini-muffin in her hand and now I'm not a good dog owner or husband, or father anymore because I was in a hurry and I didn't think to even check.
I just came back in and now I end up picking one of the dogs up, and the dog squeals, and I put him outside. Now, all of a sudden, it's damn nine o'clock in the morning, I just got up and I don't feel like I'm a good person anymore.
Why?
Because I missed putting the recycling out and because I picked one of the dogs up and it squealed a little bit.
Now I'm not a good person anymore because of essentially two minor transgressions. Two little tiny ways that theoretically I could improve.
Guess what?
When you try to be a good person so hard, you get this gigantic backlash when you slip. What happens when you've now switched into "I'm-a-bad-person" mode?
I'm bad!
Now all the good stuff tends to go out the window.
"Well, if I'm going to be a bad husband and father, friend and family member, and community member, because I didn't put my recycling out on time, I'm also a bad dog owner because I caused my dog some minor discomfort in picking him up and taking him outside when he was going crazy."
"Now, because I'm a bad person, well, F it. I'm just going to just be bad all the way. Let me just drop all these ridiculous good expectations and just go crazy."
"It's time to lose your mind and let the crazy out."
That's one of my favorite lines form a Kesha song.
So what happens when we fail at our quest to be good?
What happens then to all of these ideas of good?
"Well, F it, I'm just going to go do whatever I want. I'll lay whatever addiction or sick behavior, I'll just go ahead and do it. I'll lay in bed all day, I'll take some more pills, I'll go see a therapist. I'll get drunk, I'll scream at my husband or wife, or children, or kick the dog, or whatever it is. I'll drive crazy and flick a person off on the road."
What happens when we fail to meet our ideal of good?
The problem doesn't seem to be that we're not good people for a lot of us, it's that we set such high expectations. I have 5,000 things that I have to do to be a good person, and as soon as I fail a couple of them, the temptation comes to just be a bad person. One of the worst ways you could be a bad person, is just to kill yourself. The problem is that as soon as I stop being a good person, every other thing is on the table.
Why?
Because a bad person has a lot of options available.
Get drunk?
Sure, a bad person can do that. It can be all the things that I think of, all the opposites of good, essentially. They are all on the table then.
"Well, I'm a bad person now, let's just let it go, let it go and go to town."
I'm going to do everything that I've been squeezing myself to not do. I'm going to let it all out. “Give me that package of Oreos. I'm going to knock the whole box out. Let's have a steak, several steaks. Let's eat until I need to throw up, but I can't. Let's get call someone up on the phone and cuss them out. Let's make some nasty posts online and rant and rage at how sick the world is.”
What happens when we fail to meet these ridiculously high standards of good we set?
What happens when we make the switch and all of a sudden I'm a bad person?
Then, we often get sucked into situations which gives us more and guide us towards working even harder to be a good person, because deep down we're certain we're a bad person.
Why do I work so hard to be a good person?
I work so hard to be a good person because on some deep level, I'm feeling separate. I'm feeling like I'm not included in the whole tribe of humanity. I have to get up and do so many different things to just try and dance. Just like you want me to all day, to get a little bit of applause or a smile to prove that I'm a good person and therefore, I fit in and I'm not separate, and I'm not all alone, and this isn't hell, but heaven.
Wow, that was a mouthful.
I'm grateful today to share this with you because I'm ending my quest to be a good person. I'm aware of how damaging my quest to be good person is, of how I condition my quest to be a good person on this idea that there's a bad person.
It's not that I don't want to be a good person, I would like to remain a faithful husband, a kind and loving father, a good dog owner. I would like to have these positive behaviors. I would like to be of loving service to the world, but it's not fair that I condition my happiness on doing all these things, that I condition being a good person rather I prove it every single day.
What if I just have faith and trust that if I act naturally, if I just love the people around me and the opportunities I have around me that I will naturally be a good person then. I might be a better person that way than if I settle these ideas up in my head about what is good.
"A good person does this and a bad person does that."
What if I stop acting like I was such a bad person before?
Maybe it will be easier for me to not judge people who are acting now like I acted before: using lots of nasty language and watching porn all the time, and not going to work, hating their jobs, complaining about the world, and judging others.
What if I stop telling the story of how I'm such a good person now and how I was such a bad person before?
Maybe, I'll get a little bit of relief on feeling like if I fail at being a good person, I'll suddenly just relapse into this bad person, whatever form it takes.
Final words
Thank you very much for experiencing this with me today because I hope this is useful and of service to you. You don't have to be a good person to be loved, you're lovable just how you are.
I'm lovable just how I am whether I get the recycling out on time or not, whether I lay in bed all day and do nothing or whether I get up and contribute to the world, because when I'm loved, I naturally want to contribute to the world. I don't have the tendency to want to lay in bed unless I need to.
My exercise for today is to notice whether I'm on the quest to be a good person or whether I'm just seeking to be of loving service.
Thank you very much for reading this today.
I appreciate you being here and I hope you have a wonderful day.
If you found this post helpful on Steemit, would you please upvote it and follow me because you will then be able to see more posts like this in your home feed?
Love,
Jerry Banfield
A very interesting sharing Jerry! We live in a dualistic world. There is good and bad in everything. When we push something away, we also end up attracting it right back in a conflictual way because we have pushed it into the darkness.
When we focus just on the light, we ignore the darkness that always exists and in equal proportions. That is the nature of this universe. We cannot deny that we all are good and bad and that ultimately it really matters not because we are all made of the same stuff. We have imagined into existence the rules of the game, and we have told ourselves that we need to abide by them. We are always free to rewrite our own rules! Life is a game!
So the only way to find real peace is to accept it all and surrender. WE are good and bad, as a wise man once said.. "There is good and bad in everything"
We all say "I want peace, I want peace"
If we remove the I, that is the ego, and we remove desire, that is the want.. We are left with peace.
Om!
great comment @eco-alex, enjoy this: https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@pastorlea/identification
you will like it
oh THANKs i will check that out
The buddha saying @eco-alex . good one :)
ommmm
I guess that is along the lines of my thoughts on this too. It is when we contemplate the Oneness of our existence that we can see how good and bad are just different aspects of the One. Our external perceptions are a reflection of our inner world. When we perceive those external things that move us to judgement, we reveal our judgement of ourselves.
You have summarized the post in just a few paragraphs very well!
awe.. thank you!! glad i can add value to your inspirations
Agreed
Well this universe is really complex, the things you do will be good in your eyes but those same things would be bad in others eyes, may be it is because of the judgmental behaviors and people perceiving things different. Just try to be good, forget about the critics :)
agree 👻
I've always been authentic toward myself only. I care little for what others think unless they have earned themselves a place in my heart.
Our critical view of ourselves, as a result of being self-conscious, can be the ultimate curse. Adam and Eve learnt that.
thank you, Jerry nice blog as always... great time reading such this
Thank you for reading again!
I won't say "good post," because that will just feed your beast. ;-) but I did enjoy reading it. I've become aware of this issue in myself over the years. You can run yourself freaking ragged trying to win the "I'm good enough" game. It also applies to not offending people, as in if you work to not be offensive to one person then your actions will probably offend another. There is no winning this game of the ego!
I've found more contentedness and wholeness by just embracing all that is about me. Trying to let go of the good and bad labels...I prefer to just be and embrace what I call "isness." Just what is...
Sending you peace. ✌🏾
@steemed-open very happy to see your comment here because I enjoy reading your posts so much also! Letting go of the good and bad labels seems to require daily work in maintaining consciousness because the good and bad labels seem to be the default for most of us.
Your posts are inspiring me to try some more creative thumbnails and pictures with some outfits I think will be fun and I appreciate the help while trusting the readers will each decide good, bad, or ugly!
Yes, it's true that it Is daily work to wake up and stay awake! The ego loves those labels, good and bad, and will weasel them back in at any opportunity. Gets easier over time though.
I look Fwd to seeing your new creative thumbnails :)
Wonderful post Jerry!
You are a lovely person that has helped tonns! We defiently need more people like you in this cryptosphere full of haters making deliberately offensive and provocative online post.
The Xplicit Team and Chaincoin Holders Community loves you and will always be here to support you.
Peace, Love & United we Stand ✊
Thank you @xplicit!
Hey Jerry,
I am part Of the HodL community, we are trying to create a healthy community for Chaincoin, it is based on BTC and Dash, it has masternode capabilities and it has been asleep a while, we have the devs back, the main dev is also involved with ethereum, we have been taken on wild rides but that does not mean that it isn't a great coin witha great potential.
Would love it if you could look into it and make a review video, it is a hot topic at the moment!!
Cheers fella!!
P.S. Ive been a fan since your LoL days xD
Yeyeyeeee
join the movement jerry RICHTVLIVE Hodl Nation
hodl nation
Thank you @jerrybanfield for another great podcast! You are inspiring me to create daily videos and I really enjoy your insights and motivation. You are right, judging yourself and others can be toxic. I think we are all seeking happiness :)
Hopefully we are all finding it too! Thank you for showing up here daily Joe Parys!
Wow jerry that was one long ass post. Always posative and keep them coming! Are you going to do another voting, power givaway in the future, like you done a few weeks back. ;)
Great question because currently I am not planning on it but maybe I will because you asked about it?
Yes that would be apealing! @JerryBOMBfield! I thought thay was a great way to get the newer lot a chance for a bit of recogntion on there posts. I will watch you space ;)
Good and bad are both relative terms. Our personal perspective, circumstance, wants and needs all play into "choice" and the labeling of a choice is purely subjective. We simply must try to be the best people we can be on a daily basis, and although we will have many daily failures, it's the will to get up every day and try again that allows us to make a difference.
Wow this is truly one of the best posts I have read!
I talk about this all the time that good doesn't exist without bad and by judging good then one is also judging bad. It is the good that creates the bad.
There is so much power and freedom in simply being, being of service not because its good but because its what you want. When you being to live by your ideals you are happy and fulfilled without having to be sought up in right or wrong and good or bad.
It helps you connect with SO many more people and to actually truly love other people.
I could go on an on but your post is already quite extensive!
Just wanted to share my acknowledgment and thanks for such an enlightened post~*~
You're welcome and yes if we both go on and on it will be a long read lol! I am going to try some more short format posts because long posts often scare me away!
yea, honestly the post was a bit long but because it was such an important topic with such great insight it was worth it!
Again I commend you~*~
This is a long and good read @jerrybanfield about being good or not so good person. In life, you can never please everybody be it your wife, children , or friends. Being perfect can make you go crazy or even displease other people who will hate you for being perfect. Therefore , be yourself , do to others what you will find fair to yourself. Moreover , love your family and others around you and never try to be what you are not because it can hurt you and note that we human makes mistake and learn from it.
Thanks Charles, yes one of my friends told me that the other day too, trying to be perfect can indeed make you go crazy.
Yes it can and you can never please all. Thanks for your response
Yeah, at the same time though I think if you try not to be perfect on purpose you can also run into problems mentally.
It depends
Charles I appreciate you reading and commenting here again with a reflection that is so easy to read!
you are welcome @jerrybanfield . Try to reciprocate the love which is characteristics of a successful business man
Your quest is over and has been for a long time. You are already good by expressing the need to be good. You can relax, no need to prove it every moment. Trust yourself!
The problem is more about deceiving yourself into believing you aren't a good person by trying to complete crazy high expectations that might not have anything to do with goodness anymore.
Thanks for sharing!
You're welcome @sulev thank you very much for reading and commenting!
Thank you Jerry. Wonderfully put. People shouldn't be so hard on themselves. I'm glad to see you are feeling more positive since your last post where you seemed quite upset. Keep making the world a better place <3
Love the Kesha memes new every time!
hahaha i'm glad you like em Jerry :D more where that came from! Keep the content coming :) Since you released your first Steemit video I joined. I'm currently in the top 1000 steemit accounts (with regards to followers) and am growing daily!
@jerrybanfield I love your tutorials and also, took one of your classes! It was really amazing!
My first comment here on Steemit. Thank you for introducing me to this platform Jerry.In my experience focusing on your happiness and joy first is a sure way to be a happiness for others, as you radiate it. :)
It's impossible to give to others, if you are not overflowing. It's unnatural. You cannot make anyone happy - only they can make themselves happy, as they are the only ones experiencing their life as themselves. Mindgames of guilt or some societal norms are illusions, and they proved to me many times. As you radiate happiness - they can see you as an example of happiness.
It is not a selfish act, but a loving one. Love yourself first and everything will be okay - it cannot be any other way, as you will be shining like a star-example. By being happy it becomes a REAL struggle not to be good. It's natural - you don't need mind for that. Just look at the little ones. :)
Thanks for the post,
Much love.
Honored you made your first comment on this post! Much love back and I will be watching my daughter to learn from here as you suggest!
Your looking to deep into what others think about you, instead of what you believe to be good.
Are you living to be approved by society or are you living to be good person under what your faith and beliefs are?
As a husband if you argue with your wife doesn't make you bad, it makes you both human.
We all have different views, sometimes you don't look at it as an argument but as a debate over what you each believe or how you feel about something.
People have arguments or debates to show, we have different opinions.
We have differences about a situation , hopefully an outcome that you come to is an agreement in the end, whether good or bad.
You come to a conclusion that you either work it out and bend a little for each other or go separate ways, but that wouldn't make you a bad person.
I'm saying, which in a spiritual sense, we all have a human body.
With that comes humans instincts and humanistic flaws, where as one who walks in the spirit strives to be a good person, resisting the flaws but accepting we will fail at times, the spiritual nature fights with the humanistic side and its a constant battle that we all experience.
Once you let go of the guilt that the human body has desires, and trust in the spiritual side that its natural to see another woman and think she is attractive, the bad is when you act upon those desires or say that out to your wife that the other woman is attractive and make her feel inferior or less attractive.
Accept your not perfect and never will, accept your flaws and strive to improve and respect for others will always prove you to be a good person.
Yes!
you are very right.... my opinion of what a good husband is could be different from your wife's definition of a good husband.
I think being a husband you and your wife are happy with is a good way to look at it!
interesting food for thought jerry :)
@hannahlicious thank you very much for sharing here and telling me you found this interesting!
Interesting post. I myself have been confronted with the challenge of being bad or good. Being good enough is not good enough. And finding that as much as I want to think of myself as good, there is bad in my nature that gets exposed when I am tested or tempted. Years ago, I made the decision to return to Christ. In Christ I am not under the law but under grace. I can never be good enough, but I am totally forgiven because Jesus paid the price. In the garden there were two trees. The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and the Tree of Life. As a Christian, if I think about whether something is good or evil I am looking at the wrong tree. Does what I am considering give life?
Great Message! Each of us will always be loved to someone in someway, you just might not know who that person is or when they will enter your life but that person is out there. Don't strive to gain love from others, strive to be yourself and then others will love you because of it.
Great post as always Jerry!!
-Isaac
now I understand how everyone else has something to confess at church every
hehe
Hey Jerry. Watching your video now on YT. Sorry to see you only got 18 likes on this one. I'm surprised, as the title was interesting.
That's okay because if 18 likes makes it a bad video I am also off my quest to make all good videos :)
If you're truly living life, you'll make friends and enemies.
There is no possible way to be "good" to everyone that you meet, and there isn't any way to satisfy the multivariate conditions where every action you perform is perceived as "good".
I'd be wary of someone trying too hard, frankly.
I'm more interested in people who are authentic, not someone who is trying to perpetuate some forced ideal that doesn't reflect who they really are. I'd even make the argument that trying to be "good" by deceiving yourself is a worse crime than just being "bad" to begin with.
In short, just be an authentic human being, don't be concerned about signaling to everyone how "good" you are. That's a game for politicians and other soothsayers of ill repute.
Yes and the enemies often help while the friends often can hurt which makes it even more fun!
As a Christian, we live out good God gives us, and some of us correct, admonish, edify within the context of moral, but judging is not given to us. We are supposed to renew our minds out of judging others.
Philippians 2:3 - Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit [through factional motives, or strife], but with [an attitude of] humility [being neither arrogant nor self-righteous], regard others as more important than yourselves.
We are supposed to distinguish good and bad without judging, nor condemning. Also, distinguishing good and evil garners no acclaim for ourselves, because we are due no great reward for how "good we are". Fundamental premise of Christianity is only God is good, and if I do something good, the credit is due to Jesus who made me.
If God is good, the Son of God we each are must only be good as well guaranteeing the same infinite love for us given to and received by Christ?
GOOD now You are "Ending the Quest to Be a Good Person" can You PLEASE go back to helping us out with "how to make money with Steemit" subjects ? much love greets Nic from Amsterdam @nicnicy
Yes more of those soon! The upvotable posts are the easiest way currently!
Thank you for this very inspiring post Mr. Banfield. Long read but worth it, I notice that pressure and its a constant struggle, sometimes I feel like saying F it too. The love is what keeps us strong. Goodluck and godbless to all. My goal is to live peaceful not aim to be good or bad just want to focus on life :)
you lost me after like 5 minutes lol
The story of Good and Bad is man made concept.
Truely there IS. You make it the one or the other :)
Either way, the world will keep on turning. I Think that if you are asking these questions, you are most likely on a good way. Great post.
great post jerry, here is some more understanding of the post you shared: https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@pastorlea/new-creation-realities-1
Just be your self! If good or bad it do not matters as long as you are your self and not some fake person like many others! Keep up the good work here on steemit and have a nice weekend ⓁⓄⓥⒺ & ⓁⒾⒼⒽⓉ
Wow Jerry you can really sometimes analyse something to a point of an over analytical basis. But what do I know maybe it can be a very therapeutic way of dealing with things in life...
But makes for some what of an interesting and entertaining video for sure. Keep up the great work!
You can look good to the person in front of you and look extremely bad to the person at your back.
Sometimes being good means you are bad and being bad means you are good.
My philosophy of life is to live life to please myself only, any other person can then define if am good or bad to them by just living life to please myself.
I don't want regrets in life, i don't want humans to judge me and i don't want life to get offended at me so i am neither good nor bad
Good post @jerrybanfield
Thanks for sharing with us @jeerybanfield!! It's really awesome Article!!
Upvote +resteem!!
Nice post dude!! ✌️👍Can't wait for your next post!!
I can say I'm good and that does not depend upon anyone or anything. People are too dependent upon the opinion of others.
Likewise, I am not judging anyone else as bad or evil.
I can live my life, attempting to lead by example for my children.
I can love my wife and that also doesn't depend on anybody or anything just the two of us.
Just do what is good, have faith in God and respect others, that's what makes you better person.
for me, the very important is if we do something good for ourself and that can be have a good impact too for the others between us. never do something good for ourself but will be bad impact for another..just live our lifes with a good things and dont forget to help each other coz when we help each other, that will make our heart feel better ever than ever.. :)
its very great info love to read you are like the oxygen for steemit
What an interesting story! Thanks for sharing.
I agree, I see he only used two tags, wondering why as I know he is a whale.
Its a long story.Anyway thanks for sharing my upvote and resteem Jerry
Love your videos on youtube, keep’em coming!
Thank you for sharing great blog
Another interesting submission. Love your enthusiasm!
You lead me to Steemit by the way, thank you! :)
Great post!
Good for the community.
Its really great.
Très bon article qui est très bien écrit par votre part. Merci
Est ce que vous pouvez faire un tour sur mon blog @zeryius s'il vous plaît merci.