Hey bro , I'm seeing this now . You know something , I have been in you similar situation. I don't know how similar it is though. But I have been in a situation where I even thought about suicide and ending it all too.
Mostly cause Everytime in my house there was a fight , everyone used to blame me . And even for my parents fighting , and everything , and it just saddened me alot. And in 2016 March 2 my parents were like ,we are getting divorced and all that. Oh my god bro , you know I cried straight for two three days. And when I call home I can't even show my crying face. Since I had to be strong for them. You know my chest was paining from all that crying and pain that , that day I thought why don't I end it. Then my sisters face came to my mind . That day , I really hated god , I really did . I'm not going to lie to you.
Because most of my life , I have been crying , cause first I was with my grandparents and away from my parents , so when I went to my parents , I didn't know how to show them my love. Which created a big gap between my mom and me , cause she thought I didn't like her. And we used to have alot of problems and I'm so bad at fighting so I'll just sit and cry , that's it.
So that day in 2016 was too much for me to handle. Then I stopped going to church. Yeah, I did , but secretly deep within I prayed to God , I asked him , to make them be together and that everything be okay again. At last they became okay. Then me I lost that connection with god , you know. I didn't know what to do. I had this big hole , I tried to fill it with other people , but nothing was enough for me. I almost even got a boyfriend , because I was revelling against my parents and God. Thank God I didn't.
Then , I was living my normal boring life , that's when Suddenly my sister is becoming really sick , we had to take her to the emergency and all. And I couldn't take it. I cried and cried and asked god to help. Cause that's all that I was able to do. And that was the time , when I let god back into my life. Things were all falling apart , our house back home , was in a case and my grandpa didn't tell us , so basically we are almost homeless. Then my mom started getting her bleeding disorder again and dad was sick too. Everything was just falling apart and the only person who had to give them all strength and support was me. And I was the weakest , I was crying most of the day , I was praying and asking God to intervene , and when I Skype home , I smile and give them hope and encouragement. I stopped smiling , before I used to love taking pics but I stopped , I was in my own mind.
But from then , I started believing .
Because God has said , if you believe without doubting , he shall work wonders in our life!!
So I began to stop worrying and started believing. And as I started believing , my stress level decreased a bit , and it's God who showed me opportunities like steemit , through my friend. And it's God who is the reason I'm alive today.
But I'm not against any other religions , so I won't say anything other religion is wrong , mostly cause my dad is RC Roman Catholic and mom is a Protestant , penticost haha even though them both Christians it's very opposite. So I know what it is like when someone says bad about a church or anything so I won't.
What I would say is , try praying and asking God for help . For me reading Bible helped alot , cause sometimes I get verses which I feel are really directed towards me.
Be strong and courageous , don't be afraid or Scared of them , for Yahweh your God himself is who goes with you . He will never leave you nor forsake you!
God bless you dear brother. I'm sorry I didn't see sooner. Next time I'll check up on you , I hope you feel better soon. God is with you. Don't loose hope okay. And I feel , all our problems will not go on forever , I believe our good days are coming .
And about the stress , hm try listening to some Hillsong or Jesus culture or something soothing.
Thank you very much @Ashley4u. For once I have gotten someone who truly what it feels like . I swear your story depicts exactly how I feel. There was even moments walking by the roadside I pray silently for a car to hit me so I can die.
I still feel if I am dead my troubles will be over but then who knows what is on the other side?
I am talking with a priest here and he's invited me for tomorrow, going, stepping into a church for the first time tomorrow.
Are you a Nigerian too?
Oh brother , that's good , everything will be better soon , I know ,I will be praying for you too okay , God bless you , I'm an Indian 😊
God bless you too. Thanks.