I just read your post here and feel compelled to write some words for you.Hey @skramatters,
I see many similarities/parallels in the issues that we have in common with the drinking and self destructive behavior(s). I spent the entire first week of the new year in mostly a blackout state and am only about 24 hours recovered during the time of writing this.
I recognize the major trigger as a coping problem, and when I reach breaking point I do nothing but hurt myself and others and am left feeling shameful.
What is most humbling for me, is how kind and supportive people have been during my recent struggles, and that my friend, feels like a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.
You have a good heart and people know it, please be kind to yourself during this time and try to get some rest.
If you have access to discord or telegram I can be reached on those platforms, and I am willing to be here for you for an ear should you need it.
I hope you feel better soon man.
Futuremind! Man so good to hear from you! I really appreciate you reaching out and sharing your all too similar struggles and the kind words.
You also clearly have the best intentions and that's what matters most in my book. We may fall but we get back up and admit our faults openly.
I fixed things today by apologizing to my in-laws and expressing my pain and unhealthy coping mechanisms that I will do my best to tame. For us addicts it's easy to excuse ourselves and say its just a few beers at least I'm not doing this or that, but ultimately it's the escapism that is the draw and as you've said when having a support system and not pushing them away is difference maker.
I also got out and drove my wife to the coast and got some fresh ionized air and fishy ocean smells in the system which helped fully release the dumb shit I'd put myself and others through needlessly. I'm still living and learning to be a better me. Thanks again I'll be on the lookout for your posts. I don't have those apps but I might get them and I'll let you know for sure. That's a 2 way street and feel free to holler at me and I'll get to a private chat asap.