We find “Guttertrash” Greg Adkins dressed to the nines, like he were a pimp. He’s in a bright purple suit with a yellow canary shirt and purple tie. He even walks with a little cane in his hand that he waves around as he walks down a high end district.
Suspiciously looking like the same district that Xiaolong was in not too long ago. Greg smiles and waves as he gets appreciative looks from everyone around him as they appreciate the fact that Greg cleaned himself up for this excursion.
He walks into a jewelry store with a smirk on his face. He looks at the different cases with the expensive items of jewelry in them. The owner is on the other side of the counter. He gives Greg a once over, sneering as he sees through the “off the shelf” outfit that Greg is wearing.
Owner: You probably want to see our cheaper offerings that we have, sir. These are much too expensive for you.
Greg raises an eyebrow, looking at the owner.
Greg Adkins: How do you know what I am prepared to spend?
Owner: Your business suit from Sears tells me…
Greg Adkins: Well! I could have fifty thousand dollars in my pocket just waiting to purchase some jewelry for my wife!
Owner: Yeah right, no one does that!
Greg smiles, reaching into an inside pocket and pulling out a wallet. He slaps down several debit cards and credit cards. The owner turns up his nose.
Owner: Cash only.
Greg raises an eyebrow, looking at the owner.
Greg Adkins: Let me get this straight. You only accept cash, but no one has that amount of cash on them. You like keeping your shit?
The owner clears his throat nervously.
Owner: We accept payments. You’ll get the item once you have it paid off. Cash…only.
Greg Adkins: So…layaway.
The owner gets an indignant expression, looking down his nose at Greg.
Owner: It is most certainly not layaway. It is a structured payment plan.
Greg Adkins: Layaway.
The owner starts going red in the face while Greg collects his cards and puts them back in his wallet.
Owner: Are you going to buy something or not?
Greg Adkins: I don’t even think you do a lot of business.
Owner: Of course I do a lot of business! We are a high end, cash only establishment! Why I probably have close to half a million in the til!
Greg nods and begins looking closely at one of the gem studded bracelets.
Greg Adkins: I think I like that one right there. You see it?
Owner: That one?
Greg Adkins: No.
The owner leans closer to the case, frowning as he looks at the different bracelets. He has the back of the case open and is reaching inside to point at a particular bracket.
Owner: This one?
Greg Adkins: No. Let’s try this…
Greg grabs the owner by the back of the head and slams his face through the case. He pulls the owner’s bloody face out of the case and throws him back to the floor.
Greg begins to whistle as he walks around to get behind the case. It’s a merry tune one might recognize if one were a Nine Inch Nails fan.
Closer.
Greg Adkins: Where’s the recent work, champ?
The owner moans in pain on the floor and gives directions to Greg, who grabs a beautiful and patriotic bauble. He also opens the register and takes out fifty thousand dollars. He walks over and kicks the owner in the rib cage with a laugh before opening the til and taking all of the money.
Greg Adkins: Xiaolong says hi.
Greg leaves with Xiaolong’s gift for his wife and the cash from the til.
The scene shifts to a television screen that Greg Adkins is watching with one Professor Farnsworth. He pokes a button on the television and shuts it off.
Greg Adkins: So that’s what would have happened if I had robbed the joint.
Professor Farnsworth: You know none of this is real and that you’re just on acid?
Greg Adkins: Oh I know it. Bite my shiny metal ass…
Professor Farnsworth: You are not Bender.
Greg looks at himself and yes, he is not a robot. So, acid trip it is.
Greg Adkins: Is a dragon guarding the fridge?
Greg walks over to the fridge and opens it up. Sure, enough Greg has to duck under a gout of flame. He closes the door quickly.
Professor Farnsworth: I think you know the answer to that.
Greg Adkins: Damn it.
I was on the edge of my seat reading this entire post. Keep up the excellent work, this is WONDERFUL!
Hi,
Thought I would visit your work to get a better idea of you as a writer. The name of this story caught my attention.
You have a really accessible writing style. It's the sort of verbal fluency Mickey Spillane was known for (although he never wrote about acid, I'm pretty sure). There's economy, humor and vivid scene description.
I remember once walking into a tailor shop and asking if the seamstress could custom sew a dress for me. She looked me up and down and said, "You couldn't afford it." That's the truth, and it wasn't an acid trip :))
You like to write, that's obvious and you have a knack for it. Writing doesn't come so easily to me (fiction) but I do love it also.
Glad I checked out this story.