This week will be a tough one for me. It's the same ever year around this time and mid May.
My mother and father had three boys and I am their middle child. When I was barely eighteen months old they divorced. Five years later my mother remarried and had a fourth child, a little girl.
We never thought of her as a half sister, us three boys always treated her as our little sister, doing what all big brothers should do. We looked out for her and protected her. Even when one or all brothers fell out, our sister was there for all of us. Although six years younger than me, she had a level head and was often far more mature than us lads.
When she reached her teens, us brothers vetted any prospective boyfriends. By this time my mother's second marriage had ended so we took her father's role upon ourselves. Having been raised a Catholic - her father was Italian - the boyfriends were few and far between. She did however find the love of her life and she married in her early twenties.
During her early marriage she gave birth to two beautiful girls and hers was a happy, hard working family. She and her husband ran several businesses, so worked hard to enjoy their holidays abroad.
In early 2005, they took a two week break in Portugal. At the time I was living and working with my older brother in the construction industry. Half way through the holiday we received a phone call to say our sister was in hospital, ill. My brother flew out almost immediately with our mother. He left me to keep tabs on the business.
Our sister was suffering from crippling headaches, and although she stayed in hospital for three weeks in Portugal, the general feeling was that it wasn't too serious and they gave the go ahead to fly her back to England, where she was admitted into our local hospital.
I visited her and she seemed her normal self. Her husband however was worried, naturally. He said the headaches were getting worse and all they were doing was prescribing pain medication, instead of searching and treating the cause. As a family we spoke with the doctors in charge and they assured us it was nothing serious.
Three days since returning to the UK, she was transferred to a high dependency unit at another hospital. Her condition had worsened and they put her into an induced coma. Our mother stayed with her twenty four hours a day, us brothers taking it in turns to visit - there was a policy of only 2 visitors per bed, strictly kept because of possible infection issues with such vulnerable patients.
On the 14th of May, 2005, my world came crashing down. I received a call from my mother to get to the hospital fast. I barely remember the half hour ride on my motorcycle, weaving in and out of rush hour traffic. She met me outside the hospital while making phone calls to other family members.
Tests had been made, scans taken. My sister's brain was damaged beyond repair. Even if she did come out of the coma, my adorable, ever-loving sister was gone. The decision had been made to take her off life support. I went into her room, watched the machines pumping life through her body. She convulsed at every machine-forced exhale. I held her hand, whispered a pathetic too-late goodbye. I composed myself and wiped away the tears before leaving, casting a final glance at my little sis. Gotta be strong for mum.
I returned to the waiting room. Waited for the inevitable. My mother and brother in-law left to say their goodbyes before giving their final consent for it to end. We knew it ended when my mom's wail filled the corridor. We all broke down then.
The days leading up to the funeral elude me. I walked through life like a lost soul. The dreaded day came and us brothers, with our brother in-law carried the coffin into a packed church. The same church she had married in just eight years earlier. The service was beautiful, the choices of music poignant. The hardest part for me was helping to lower her into the ground. Twelve years later, I still cannot bring myself to visit her grave.
Last month, my visit to Steemfest was also a pilgrimage of sorts - Portugal being where my sister fell ill. It sounds silly in hindsight, but I bought a bunch of flowers before finding a cemetery. I walked among the tombs, scanning each name and set of dates. I stumbled upon the grave of a girl called Elena. My sister's maiden name was Elena. They were born roughly the same time. I laid the flowers in front of the tomb and let my tears flow.
This week we celebrate my sister's birthday, like we do every year. It doesn't get any easier.
Heartbreaking mate, just heartbreaking.
So sorry for your loss.
Such a painful and irreparable loss. I condole with you bro. 12.years is a long time but it sounds so fresh in you. I pray God give you the fortitude to bear it.
Thank you.
Dude. There are absolutely know words to make your world right here. My brother and I have a little sister six years younger than me, just thinking about what you went through is heartbreaking to me.
I read your harrowing story about your sister's sudden departure and I'd like to thank you for sharing such an intimate and private story. I hope by writing and sharing, it helped lift some of the sadness. I would recommend that you write a letter to your sister to tell her all the things you never got a chance to say. I think it might help release you. I only know you very briefly and I can't say that it's a panacea but it feels like you never let go of her. I hope it does get easier for you over time. Loss is really difficult and it's something we all have to go through. I don't think our society has a great structure in place for learning how to deal with such momentous events which occur in all of our lives. Yet again steemit surprises me with it's outward reach into the unknown. Cheers G, you're a good soul.
Thank you very much. You are right, I have never let her go.
it's just a suggestion of assisting catharsis. I also that know the sadness we carry can be a dark and beautiful gift, especially for writers, therapists, musicians, artists ! you seem pretty sorted
You narrated the story like it just happened yesterday. I'm.sure i am not the only one who can feel your pain..
You were surely a great brother. God bless @gmuxx.
My condolences. Loss is never easy, and there is no time-frame to the lessening of the pain.
You'll get to the cemetery to visit her when you really feel ready, and no one but you is going to know when this is.
After watching my mother mourn the loss of her brother/my uncle for a long time, I did begin to think that it would be nicer to instead celebrate the anniversaries of their birth - when they came into our lives instead of when they left. You know? I doubt they'd want to observe us from wherever they may be, and watch us be so sad for so long.
hugs
Thank you.
Oh muxxy, this brought me to tears. Sending you some love during this difficult time ❤
Hugs
I'm sorry for your loss. I am 4 days away from the date my mother was diagnosed with cancer before an all too brief fight. I was already on the verge of tears today having just posted my version of photographic tribute to her. Your story put me over the edge...but in a beautiful way;a very connected and cathartic way. Thank you for sharing.
So sorry to hear.
This was heart-wrenching. I'm so sorry for your loss, Muxxy.
You have my deepest condolences, however much that means coming from a stranger.
As an aside, this was beautifully written.
Thank you, much appreciated.
I'm sorry for your loss. I bet you were a wonderful brother. Everyone grieves differently. I think visiting an unknown grave was a beautiful gesture. If you need time for yourself, take it. And if you need an ear or a shoulder, you have many friends here.
Thank you Bex. Hugs
(((Hugs))) As a parent who has made the same walk I understand more than many.
Celebrate her life for without her you would not have been so blessed... Her children need to know all the reasons she brought joy to you all.
The sorrow from the loss of loved ones can be haunting, especially when they suffer before passing away. I think we should celebrate them by commemorating the good times more than the hard ones. It's alright to shed tears, but it's also alright to smile while we remember them.
Sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing.
why did they put her into an induce coma? did she have a tumor or what? did they do any brain scans?
Also I am sorry for your loss of a beautiful soul.
She had an aggressive form of meningitis. It was missed in Portugal and the first hospital she came back to didn't do a scan. By the time she was in the second hospital, it was too late for her.
I see now. sorry to hear this.
What a heart-wrenching, yet beautiful tale. Your sister will always remain a part of you, as she helped to form you into the man you are today. You are a good man @gmuxx. Breathe, weep and remember <3
Words can only fall short here. But they are all we can offer. That, and my heartfelt grief for your loss. Hugs
Thanks. Hugs
This was a tragic and saddening read, but thank you for sharing, especially the beautiful moment at the annonymous grave. I'm sorry for your loss GMuxx. Although it was years ago, I can relate how the wound of that loss can never fully heal. Best wishes friend, and it's a pleasure to be in your company... even if just digitally.
It's strange how I am perfectly OK visiting an unknown grave thousands of miles away, yet can't bring myself to travel a few miles to my sister's.
Thank you. Great to know you too.
huggggz da muxxy
Hugs and pastries
Muxxy, man. Sorry that you had to go through this. A loss like that is difficult to deal with and the hospital stay and vigle is the most emotionally draining experience. Keeping her memory alive and celebrating her life is wonderful. As Bex says ... Many, many friends here. ((man hugg))
Thanks dude. Man hug
Well done for writing this @gmuxx. I can imagine that this was difficult to write. I see that you put in one of your replies that it was meningitis. I have seen first hand how quickly and unexpectedly this can strike. You have my condolences.
Thank you.
My condolences. That is a horrible story. I'm sorry for your loss.