So beautifully put. I struggle with this conditioning in my parenting all the time. It's getting better, much better really these days, but the habit patterns are generations old and I feel sad about some of the experiences my child has had to endure because of my steep learning curve.
Have you ever read this book? It's one of my favorites, about how children use play to connect, and ways in which adults can use it as another language with which to communicate with their children: http://www.playfulparenting.com/