Ahmad you never disappoint in your wisdom and insight. Thank you, friend, for sharing this.
deep down, they love you and can't bear living without you. And anything bad they do to you, is because they want the best for you...
I am a mother now and I do know I have experienced this. There are things I did as a young mother years back, that I cringe at now. But I did do it because I believed in my heart it was best for them.
I would say that was true of my mother as well. But not all parents. The Christian faith has a very similar belief in absolute obedience to the parents, but it also cautions the parents "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord." (NLT EPH 6:4)
I confess that verse is far less often quoted than "Spare the rod, spoil the child."
The New Testament teaches that the Lord sacrificed himself for his children, showed mercy when they did wrong, and loved them more than himself. I believe now this is the way a parent should treat their children.
Many of my Christian brethren would say this is a sure way to raise a rotten, sinful child, but I have not found this to be the case. My children -- now 11, 15, and 18-- show kindness because they have been shown kindness. Mercy for having been treated mercifully. They are generous for never having been treated stingily. And show respect for having experienced respect of themselves, even from "elders" who were big and strong enough to disrespect them without consequence.
I think it is sad that so many parents (myself once included) believe that children are essentially bad (original sin?) and must be taught to be good through reward and punishment. Or like they are only animals who will behave as animals unless they are corralled and their spirits broken like a wild horse.
But I do also think it is sad that through this misunderstanding, many parents and children lose one another. Even just for awhile. I hope that more and more people will be able to forgive and heal those wounds. I hope even more that fewer such wounds will be made.
Thank you again <3
My parents also taught me kindness by being kind to me, punishing me only when everything else fails. They taught me to not cheat or lie, our family (and the family of one of my uncles) are the most honest Libyan families I know. (It's not something worth bragging since I don't know a lot of people on personal level so I can judge).
I think overusing the punishment/reward system created this generation of instant gratification seekers.
I agree... I think life is always full of these misunderdstandings...
By the way, your post is what inspired me to write this, I should've mentioned you but forgot.
Your parents and family must be very proud of the man you are :)
So beautifully put. I struggle with this conditioning in my parenting all the time. It's getting better, much better really these days, but the habit patterns are generations old and I feel sad about some of the experiences my child has had to endure because of my steep learning curve.
Have you ever read this book? It's one of my favorites, about how children use play to connect, and ways in which adults can use it as another language with which to communicate with their children: http://www.playfulparenting.com/