Time
You heal all wounds, they say, and smile sympathy. I tuck away treasured, torturous pictures, and wait. You crawl and stumble.
You pass and pass.
A knock at the door. A rueful, beloved, face, gazes at me with hope. A boy, bigger now, but still small, reaches up.
It’s time.
The story of this story
In many ways this story is a prayer. And in some ways, a prediction. I’ve been a prodigal and can speak to the reality.
I remember years spent in pursuit of ugly things. In thrall to ugly people. And it's been a long time since I was there, but I've always understood intimately my own process--my own journey--from dark to light.
I remember coming home. Bringing my boys home.
And my family was there to take me in. In spite of all the years I knew they were wrong. In spite of all the ways I told them with my words and my actions that I was better off without them, that they were foolish and didn't understand.
They were there.
And it's only recently that I've spent more time in the contemplation of what those years were for my mother. My mother who cannot sleep unless I've texted her I made it home from the grocery ten minutes up the road. My mother who cannot let two days pass without hearing my voice. My mother who at sixty tells this forty-one year old daughter I am her baby.
How did time pass for her?
I imagine in hope and sometimes despair. I myself hope more of the former than the latter. And I know that there are mothers like mine and daughters like I was, for whom time is still lurching in its crooked way. And I know they are in pain. But I also know, I came home.
In due time.
Many thanks to @miniature-tiger who has revived the 50-word Short and given such a great prompt.
Many thanks also to @carolkean, who inspires me daily to continue to write. Who ignited a passion for the written word I thought was lost a decade ago. And who sadly doesn't realize at all how incredible she is, or how deeply she has touched the creative lives of so many.
Wish Carol was your muse too?
If you'd like to land on our shore, a click of the map brings you straight to our door!
art and flair courtesy of @PegasusPhysics
Ohhh Jess, thank you for the prayer, for the kind words! Now I see you're almost young enough to be my daughter (dang!) - yet you come across as the older and wiser (like a big sister). Thank you. And you're writing is breath-taking. You and Inna! My role models and mentors!
What do they say? "I've packed a lot of living into these years?" Thank you for being an inspiration and our biggest cheer-leader!
NOW GO WRITE!
Dear @jrhughes,
As I stated in IOW, these 50 words and your honest back story beautifully encapsulate the way Time and Motherhood can deliver and cultivate grace one patient grain of sand at a time.
Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful comments, here and elsewhere!
What a beautiful way to phrase it, thank you for this!
The story about your mother, really moved me...
In Islam one of the best ways to get to heaven is to be grateful and kind to your parents even if they yell at you, hit you, and didn't respect your wishes/you at all.
Because God knows that deep down, they love you and can't bear living without you. And anything bad they do to you, is because they want the best for you... God created them in that way.
If you ever become a parent you'll know that's right. (I know you know @jrhughes).
Oh!! and @carolkean is really incredible!!
Ahmad you never disappoint in your wisdom and insight. Thank you, friend, for sharing this.
I am a mother now and I do know I have experienced this. There are things I did as a young mother years back, that I cringe at now. But I did do it because I believed in my heart it was best for them.
I would say that was true of my mother as well. But not all parents. The Christian faith has a very similar belief in absolute obedience to the parents, but it also cautions the parents "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord." (NLT EPH 6:4)
I confess that verse is far less often quoted than "Spare the rod, spoil the child."
The New Testament teaches that the Lord sacrificed himself for his children, showed mercy when they did wrong, and loved them more than himself. I believe now this is the way a parent should treat their children.
Many of my Christian brethren would say this is a sure way to raise a rotten, sinful child, but I have not found this to be the case. My children -- now 11, 15, and 18-- show kindness because they have been shown kindness. Mercy for having been treated mercifully. They are generous for never having been treated stingily. And show respect for having experienced respect of themselves, even from "elders" who were big and strong enough to disrespect them without consequence.
I think it is sad that so many parents (myself once included) believe that children are essentially bad (original sin?) and must be taught to be good through reward and punishment. Or like they are only animals who will behave as animals unless they are corralled and their spirits broken like a wild horse.
But I do also think it is sad that through this misunderstanding, many parents and children lose one another. Even just for awhile. I hope that more and more people will be able to forgive and heal those wounds. I hope even more that fewer such wounds will be made.
Thank you again <3
My parents also taught me kindness by being kind to me, punishing me only when everything else fails. They taught me to not cheat or lie, our family (and the family of one of my uncles) are the most honest Libyan families I know. (It's not something worth bragging since I don't know a lot of people on personal level so I can judge).
I think overusing the punishment/reward system created this generation of instant gratification seekers.
I agree... I think life is always full of these misunderdstandings...
By the way, your post is what inspired me to write this, I should've mentioned you but forgot.
Your parents and family must be very proud of the man you are :)
So beautifully put. I struggle with this conditioning in my parenting all the time. It's getting better, much better really these days, but the habit patterns are generations old and I feel sad about some of the experiences my child has had to endure because of my steep learning curve.
Have you ever read this book? It's one of my favorites, about how children use play to connect, and ways in which adults can use it as another language with which to communicate with their children: http://www.playfulparenting.com/
Aw, you're incredible, @ahmadmanga, and I love the Islamic tradition of being kind and grateful to parents (even if they're critical or negative). Fiction workshoppers (several years ago) showed me how the elderly are revered in India and China - in the USA, not so much. It blew my mind, actually, to see how we tend to mock the gray-haired crowd and send them to nursing homes to die when other cultures are so different. When did Americans adopt this new mindset? Sad. (Also, you know I love your story of a son and his mother!)
Yup, for me I value the familial relationships more than the romantic ones (though I consider the family the most romantic thing ever!!) and I really love Parents-Children stories, especially those were they're not blood related.
You should treat your elders like how you want to be treated when you become old and weak, it's sad that people in my country started to move to the USA mindset of not respecting eldery so much (though we still do, just less than before).
As for parents, while Islam teaches us to respect and be kind to them even if they didn't do that to us, Islam also teaches us to help our children to respect us by not treating them with injustice.
One of things I say to Muslims who doesn't understand Islam, that it is Perfect (Or should I say Integrated?) religion... Any rule that seems too harsh is countered by a rule that softens it. That if you took some of the religion teachings and discarded the rest... You'd be either too weak/naive to protect yourself, or turn into a killing machine. I'm sure you heard about these two types of muslims @carolkean.
It's really beautiful in its simplicity, and also in its meaning. Great job!
But it also made me think of something, connected. They say home is where the heart is, right? And home is there, where you are but the heart isn't, its physically there but emotionally not. You can only hope that the heart will come home soon too.
I do firmly believe the heart returns home. Thank you for this insight <3
So well thought and expressed, and so true. Loved your touching 50 word story and the story of this story even more!
Once a mother, always a mother!
I'm of the same age as you (Yay, big hug!) and this reminds me of my now 71 year old mother still looking out for me whenever possible/forgiving me all the time the same way she was when I was in my childhood and rebellious adolescence. Moms just never retire. A Mom's hope and love is truly forever!
Thank you for this and thank you for getting in touch! I can't tell you how happy I am you are back with us!
This made me tear up. Love your wisdom, Jess. And yes, your words. :-)
Thank you, Inna. I feel we are so well met and I'm grateful every day for your motivation and inspiration!
Ok this made me cry... thinking about my son, and my own parents, and all the times when, for whatever reason, I've not felt able to stay present and just checked out, either physically or emotionally.
"bigger now/but still small"... such a heartbreaking line: on the one hand, it's not too late, he's still young... but on the other, there's the time lost...
What a beautiful reminder to pay attention and stay connected. As I've often (exasperatedly) told Kieran when we've been running late: "I can't stop time. It keeps going whether we want it to or not..."
I should pay more attention to my own words ;)