Oof! Horrifying! Thanks for the story!
You should also check our @suesa's page. They're writing a zombie outbreak story from the point of view of a chemist/biologist.
Criticism? I think the story is clear. I'd suggest a proofreading pass if you're submitting it for professional consideration. You could also take a pacing pass: i.e. look for extraneous and/or imprecise words ("She tried to sneak a peek at them." becomes "She sneaked a peek at them." Like Yoda says, "do or do not, there is no try" [take that with a grain of salt]) and cut or replace them and look for the moments that you want us to live in, and expand on your details there. I want to know more about the crack in the wall that she knows she can fit through but her folks can't.
Wow thank you SO much for your comment :D! @improv
Really appriciate that you took the time to do that.
I will deff. check her story out :)!
Yea I do get your point, I'll try and be more detailed in the "moments" :) And I'll think about your comment next time I write another chapter!
Thanks for listening! I'm glad you like my advice! I'm also writing things over on my page, and I'm happy to hear the thoughts of others.
No prob, its awesome to hear other people oppinions on your stuff :) I dropped you a follow, and I'll check you out :)
Great! Welcome to the M.A.S! (The Mutual Admiration Society)