The story of Mr. Renhe Ren [my entry to Finish the Story Contest - Week #44!]

in #finishthestory6 years ago (edited)

finishTheStory01.jpg

This is my entry to @bananafish contest Finish the Story Contest - Week #44.


The story of Mr. Renhe Ren

by @marcoriccardi


It is said that Mr. Renhe Ren, of Daochu village, in the province of Quan Shijie, in his forty-second year of life, was seized by a great rage because of his long-standing enemy, who was constantly working to hinder and ruin any of his activities and projects. Faced with the umpteenth abuse, Mr. Renhe Ren felt that his harmony and self-control were going to be lost. He was no longer able to feel the noble sentiments worthy of a superior man.

Then he remembered the words of the wise man. "Sit down along the river bank and wait, sooner or later you will see the corpse of your enemy pass". So, he left the village of Daochu and went down to the river. He found a willow with a wide foliage that bent gently over the water, and sat down in his shadow, determined to wait until the wisdom of the ancestors had brought a solution to his problem.

He awaited for days and nights, meditating. Sun, rain, wind and fog alternated tormenting him, but neither the heat, nor the cold, nor the humidity, nor the insects distracted him from his waiting. Time passed, until one day in late autumn, the stream swollen for the rains brought a corpse to its feet, face down. Mr. Renhe Ren shook himself from his meditation and leaned towards the muddy water, his heart finally calm.

Great was his surprise when he saw…

My ending:


...the face of Govanko Strvina, his enemy. The wise man was right. Waiting was worth it. Mr. Renhe Ren took a look around to see is there some prospective witnesses. No one was there. He pushed the corpse back to the river and erased every single trace of his presence. He looked around one more time to be sure that there was no one who saw him. There was an ugly old woman standing on the river surface. But she disappeared just after Mr. Renhe Ren blinked. It was great relief when he released that an old woman was just phantasm.

Yet next day, all Mr. Renhe Ren's jobs went better. But, soon after police inspectors knocked at his door. Mr. Renhe Ren was under suspicion of murder Mr. Govanko Strvina. Acquaintances of Mr. Ren and Mr. Strvina told to the police about their relation. So the police was in the belief that Mr. Renhe Ren had had a good reason to kill Mr. Govanko Strvina. But Mr. Ren had had a good alibi. He was sitting under a willow, and he hasn't seen anything strange. Forensics have found that Mr. Govanko Strvina was pushed out of bridge by a person whose identity doesn't appropriate to Mr. Renhe Ren. And all witnesses agree that Mr. Renhe Ren hasn't been close to the place of the accident. So Mr. Renhe Ren was acquitted.

The business of Mr. Renhe Ren has crossed the border of the province Quan Shijie. After a long time he could satisfy his wife, and to enjoy the company of his children. Finally, Mr. Renhe Ren was happy.

But not for a long. Mr. Renhe Ren had a strange dream. He dreamed a strong bumptious man with a golden beard. In one hand he held an axe and thunder lights in the other. "Now it's time for you to pay," said the golden-bearded man. Then, an ugly old woman he saw on the river surface came into his dream. Soon after, he found out that his older child is a junky, and younger one has died after a short aggressive sickness.

Although his business was in progressed, Mr. Renhe Ren has felt void deep inside of his soul. At once, the way drove him to the willow under which he was waiting for the corpse of his enemy. There he saw the wise man again. "Everything has a price. And every price has an interest." Said the wise man. "Death has to be paid by death. Drug addiction is the interest." Mr. Renhe Ren said nothing, just looked to the ground.

Sort:  

I like the story, good ending too. Just one point. The strong man should have a golden beard not a bread (bread is what you eat, beard is what men have on their face. Very similar spelling).

Posted using Partiko Android

Ha ha ha! You're right.

Edited.

I like this end because you have transformed my "Chinese-like" story into a fairy tale with more European styles, very similar for themes to the classic "pact with the devil", so it turns out a strange hybrid that I really like.
P.S. I understand "strvina", but "govanko" has any particular meaning?

I included some characters from Slavic mythology. I'm glad you likeit.

I have to explain a strange words you ask me about. I wrote a satire about four years ago. There was a politician who I named Govanko Strvina. By his name I wanted to describe his personality. "Strvina" means "carrion" in Serbian. "Govanko" is personal name I derivated from word "govno", which means "shit" in Serbian. So, Govanko can be translated like Shitboy. This story ending was good opportunity for him to appear again. 'Cause Mr. Ren's enemy should be not so good person.

Posted using Partiko Android

Thank you for the explanation! You may be amused to know that "Renhe Ren" means "anyone" in Chinese, "Daochu" means "everywhere", and "quan shi jie" means "the entire world". You can see I appreciate very much play on words too :D

Good job man!

I was playing with words in ending of story "Kayla". There was a crazy runner who speaks some strange language that main characters in the story couldn't understand. He said "ti si glup" in Serbian, which means "you are stupid". But the characters tried to understand it in English - "tea sea gloop" or "tea see gloop".

Congratulations @vasigo! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

You published more than 150 posts. Your next target is to reach 200 posts.

Click here to view your Board
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word STOP

To support your work, I also upvoted your post!

Support SteemitBoard's project! Vote for its witness and get one more award!

Is this piece connected to something?

Mr. Govanko Strvina sounds a like like Freddy Krueger in that they won't let you sleep peacefully. arrg! lol

Govanko comes into my dreams every single night pleasing for a cup of sugar, glass of beer, and things like that. So, be aware. Maybe he comes into your dream.

Now, about your question. I didn't minded to connect this piece to anything else. But I included ancient Slavic goddess of death and god of justice to make a surrealistic moment. Looks like I made some kind of connectiom to the mythology.

Posted using Partiko Android

wow, that was an unexpected turn! I really like how you twist the character of the "wise man" into something worthy of a trickster god, giving Mr Ren what he desired, and then some.

Also I like that you incorporate the element of dream to your story, which is of my favorite devices!

I'm glad you like it.

It's not about the wise man. It's about Mr. Rhen's weakness and wrong choice. Some things in life we have to do ourselves. Otherwise, we'll pay a very high price.

Posted using Partiko Android

Good story, Vasigo! 'Everything has a price!' When when wishing for the death of someone, two graves are dug. Ren should have looked for the fine print in the wise man's words.

Ren realized that, but too late.

Magic Dice has rewarded your post with a 41% upvote. Thanks for playing Magic Dice.