Day 860 #Freewrite - barn door
The prompt for today from @mariannewest was "barn door".
Here is what came from the prompt:
Octavio watched his guide as they approached the two hills that collided with one another when pilgrims tried to pass between them. Xochipulli began to remark something, but his lips closed moments after he opened them. He was beaten into silence by submission to the heaviness of their quest: what words could he offer to stay the heart of the young man? The young man who, just the night before, was soaked through with the rain of his hardened heart, wrapped in the wood of a decimated barn, the door his clothing.
There was a dangerous energy in the hills. Octavio understood this much without words from the Flower Prince. The hills he was meant to pass between were the very contentions in his heart. The contentions between his Mexican and American heritages, the contentions between values of individualism and collectivism, the contentions between doing what he had been taught in his Christian faith and doing what he had been taught by much older scripture - celibate and sinless or tainted with blasphemy. Yet, he was here, in Mictlan, without sight of a redeemer
It was then that Octavio realized that redemption was love, harmony, and anything but discord. He felt his spirit waver no more and passed between the two hills. They cast shadows that spoke of ill omens across Octavio’s face, and body. His spirit guide and the patron of his people, the flowery prince that watched over artists and lovers alike, followed close behind him, watching the shadows as they morphed into unsettling shapes.
To speak more of my writing ambitions, I am looking to strengthen my creative/generative acumen. This #freewrite community is the best place to do that. Over the next several months I will be working on a novel, and as such, some themes or characters that I have dwelt upon may come up. Thoughts and comments on my work are helpful as my ultimate goal is to improve my novel such that I improve my writing
Excellent piece, short yet flowered with elements of personification carefully crafted by the novelist.
I must commend you on your dexterity in the use of imagery, but I am however not satisfied with this comparison, I guess you can edit it cause it's not balanced.
Christian faith and older scripture.
By the way is there a thing like older scripture?
Looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Yeah...
If I'm being honest, most of my creative process is to generate as much as I can while keeping an eye out for language. I only go back and edit occasionally. This was one of the sections I went back and edited because I was uncomfortable with how it came out, but I only worsened it.
I was thinking about expanding on this for a short story though, so keep your eyes peeled. There may be something crafted just a bit better.
(And I guess there could be older scripture, but what I had in mind while composing was not older scripture, so... Ya got me.)
Hey, I really appreciate the feedback though. I need every constructive comment I can get and this is by far one of the more helpful comments. Thank you!
First time I received a comment that proves that the person whose work I commented understood my comment and knew the content. I appreciate your prompt response. I look forward to reading more of your creative writing cause I am sure that there will be stuffs I would learn there to help better my writing as well.
Big ups.
Thank you for your resteem and your comments. I will look for your work and add what constructive criticism I can.
Thanks again!
Thank you for thanking me. I would look out for more contents. Bless you.