First off I just want to say this was such a well-written, heartfelt post. It is not easy to share such a vulnerable part of yourself with others. Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself ♥
I have dealt with anxiety and depression from a very early age. While I was growing up I never understood why I felt the way I felt. As hard as my parents tried, they did not understand it either. I just ended up wandering though most of my childhood like a lost puppy. I never really fit in one particular group so I was always an outcast. It seemed people always liked me but they never really wanted to be friends.
My parents were very religious and raised my brother and I the same way. My life revolved around the church. I tried so hard to give it my all, but it never really felt quite right. There was an incidence that happened in my church when I was a senior in high school that made me question my faith. As soon as I turned 18 I left home and left that life behind...or so I tried. You were not joking when you said ... "the hole that's left in the inner self is twice as deep and twice as empty." Now I was confused to who I was and now lost any "connection" to my meaning that I had.
I went though this "crisis of faith" for years. It was not until I had to watch my dad die the way he did. He truly "walked by faith." He was the most humble, honest, meek person I have ever known. The way he died, and the circumstances that happened because of it sealed my "faith". I fell into a deep, dark hole of depression that I am still trying to dig myself out of.
My anxiety and depression is something that affects my life everyday. Most days the hardest part is just getting out of bed. I can relate so much to the questions you have. To the need you have to stay busy. It can be so overwhelming sometimes.
I am so sorry...this ended up being way longer than I intended it to be. Sometimes when I start writing the words flow out of me like a waterfall. Know that that you are not alone in the way you feel. Depression is a battle that is fought everyday. Sometimes it is minor and others days it is WW3. The important thing is that you keep fighting, never giving up. The fact that you are here is not by chance. You were meant to be here. I am meant to be here. We may not understand why, but how important is that really?
Again, sorry that ended up being so long. Thank you for being you ♥
I think this was a wonderful reply to my post!
I was also one of those kids who just sort of wandered through childhood, finding it difficult to make friends. My dad was in the Air Force, so we moved every couple of years as he was stationed to different places. That also made it a bit more difficult to make friends with other kids my age.
This is a subject that you could write about, if you choose to do that. I know that it's not a comfortable thing to write about, and not everyone wants to do it. I'm not sure what the best tags are for this subject, I should look into that, because the tags that you use on your post can help the post's exposure.
Thank you for the advise! I had considered doing a post or a series of posts on this. It is amazing how many people share the same feelings. If you would please let me know what you find out on the tags. I agree that the tags help with your exposure.