Hmm very good questions. I suppose it depends on the circumstances, and the depth of the friendships, and whether this has been an ongoing/worsening divide. We all grow and change throughout our lives... sometimes that means that we grow in different directions, and sort of grow apart. Sometimes that means we grow in different directions but we still support one another on our journeys. If, however, you find yourself in a situation of a friend who is constantly negative, belittling, or bringing you down, rather than coming from a place of love and support, it is definitely important to speak up for yourself. It's also important, I think, to let people know when they're behaving in a way that is unacceptable to you... people are not mind readers, and sometimes are so stuck in their own ego that they have no idea how they're coming across to others. A little dose of reality can go a long way. Or they can choose to take it as a personal attack and decide that you're "just being mean." But in that case you're no further behind, because you are at least trying to help them to grow, and maybe salvage that relationship. If they are unwilling to accept that they may need to change their approach or grow as a person, then that relationship is no longer serving you, and you don't need to feel beholding to them when you've done what you can. We cannot force people to change, it must be a choice we make for ourselves.
At the same time, if this is a relationship we've had for years and years, and suddenly this person is going through a hard time in life, we can choose to be there for them, to accept that what they're doing is not aimed at us personally, but is part of an internal battle. We can do our best to support them, even from afar. To say "I see you. I know you're going through a hard time, and I want to be here for you. But I can't be around you when x,y,z. I will be here, if/when you need me. And then you leave the ball in their court, that these behaviours are a deal-breaker/you need to distance yourself from them, but you still care for them and want to help them through.
In any case, I think it's a matter of having clear boundaries for yourself, and being able to clearly communicate those to the people in your life. I spent many years as a people-pleaser, a peace-keeper (in family dynamics) and am just now putting my foot down and letting people know where I stand. It's going to be a big adjustment for everyone, since this is new, but I've reached a point in life where I'm no longer willing to sacrifice my own mental wellbeing for others.
Life is just way too short for that shit. ❤️
I think "I see you" is one of the best things you can say to somebody. Even better if you actually do take the effort to see them.
I agree with everything you said here. It really does depend on the circumstance, and as you said, you gotta know when to put your foot down, and stand up for what you need, and what's healthy for you. I'm glad you're doing that. The only way to create a peaceful environment and help others is by looking after your own mental health first.
100%.
Thanks for stopping by.
PS: I love your handle. It's so kickass.
So so true. I keep seeing people using the cup analogy - you cannot fill another person's cup if your own cup is empty. Your cup must be full, even overflowing, to be able to reasonably fill another's.
PS. Thanks!