I am one less parent raising a human for the hell of going with the motions, one less parent raising an UNWANTED baby. Because I don't want babies, I just wanted to feel loved and useful. And if I have a baby and I don't get the satisfaction I thought I'd get out of it, what do you think will happen? I will be stuck caring for human beings, I will feel stuck, and my babies will notice that I'm not 100% with them. I can't do that to another human, much less a child of mine.
I agree with you partly. So the assumed illusory desires of having children do not come true, you will feel stuck and realise that you were wrong to think that parenthood would be a walk in the park.
However, don't you throw the baby out with the bathwater before it is even born?
The realisation that parenthood is exhausting, challenging, frustrating and difficult can be titled "growing up". You are showing me a paradox right now. Knowing that it might be difficult for you, you have gone one step beyond yourself. Is it not the case, that you've realised something important? But you've given yourself a poor testimony in presuming a future in which this realisation makes you incapable of parenthood, in my view.
I would ask you if you are not willing to sacrifice too much?
I am capable, I know I can do a semi-decent job, a better job than most, because I care about kids and people in general.
I'm just not willing to take on a child until I know I can help them. The decision has less to do with me and whatever desires that might take less of a priority if a child is made priority, than what it has to do with me having the time to provide beyond the material. Anyone can give a child the food they need to grow taller, you might even have time to teach them how to read, add and subtract...but am I going to have the time to see to them and their real needs? I can provide the food to help them grow taller, can I provide the food to help them grow up? Until I know that is the case, why would I risk harming the innocent?
The responsibility of parents is the greatest one there is, the decision to be a parent cannot be taken lightly. I love children, so I'm helping the world in the only way I know how so children can live happily and free, even if none of them look like me. 🙂
It may seem to be out of context, but do you know Alan Watts? I found his recordings years ago and listened countless times to his speeches. Now I was gifted some books from him. When I feel dark and lonely the reading gives me a more light attitude towards those emotions. If you like, I post you the titles.
I've seen the name in passing quotes, not very familiar. Sure! A little extra inspiration can't hurt, I'm open to pretty much anything. I might be coming off a little negative in perspective but I don't mean to be, part of my job, a habit, to examine the worst case scenario/perspective too.
Thank you for trying to encourage me though. In this context you thought I might have a confidence issue, little regard for myself, and it seems like you were trying to look after my self-esteem if I'm assuming correctly. I appreciate it, this is the kind of approach people should take as opposed to resorting to peer pressure, emotional coertion. You cared for the real reason I'm not having kids for the moment, you cared to find the problem even if only to try to solve it.
There is no problem, I know I'm not inherently harmful to kids and I know that I probably should reconsider parenthood at some point. I'm just being careful. 🙂
Thank you, I find your answer gives some peace of mind.
That's all I really am aiming for myself and if it also happens, to whom I personally talk, I shall be fine. That's you and me right now.
I appreciate your engagement with me.
I think I understand you now a bit better than in the beginning of our conversation :-)
It is not that I am thinking of other people in absolute terms. You might have a confidence issue, I would not judge you if you had. If have many of my own :) What interests me more to find examples where they did not play a major role but other things were of better support. The opposite of coercion. Yes.