“It’s OKAY to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.” ― Mandy Hale
Took a walk this morning – yesterday too for that matter - had been a while… and it was good… really good! As some of you know already, Jude and I are staying up at my dad’s place, outside of the city because we are busy with plans to build and move here. At home I have a treadmill because it really isn’t safe to go walking alone anymore. Some do – but I won’t, because I am a mother – my son needs me…. not to get abducted, lol! We have been here for a few months now and it is not so much that I have missed my treadmill, but rather the escape and morning kick off, the time for personal reflection as well as the physical benefits.
My dad walks pretty much every second morning and each time he leaves it reminds me how much I miss it – even if I were walking “still” on a rubber belt. The other night we got into a conversation and I explained to him that I am so tired of being filled with fear at every turn in my life and that I wanted to change that. I “attempted” to go for a walk shortly after we began staying here but a little way down the road, I turned back out of complete fear. This is NOT a natural way of being!!! We have been here for quite a bit longer now – approx. five months, have done many a walk and my fear and anxiety have lessened to a great degree.
During this conversation, I had said to my dad that I was going to go for a walk alone the following morning. I did. We also spoke about the fact that my fear had even prevented me from getting into my car and doing a simple thing like going to get groceries, unless I really had to! It is amusing really, because there is nothing to it – other than my mind. Today, I told him Jude and I were going to get the goods for the dinner burgers. Politely, he said “I can go get those” to which I replied ”Thank you dad, but NO – I NEED to get into my car and get the fnck out of this place, because if I am going to live here – I need to get over myself". He smiled and agreed. It seems silly, and really – it is, but it is also very real.
I am actually a pretty confident driver, and I suppose this is what annoys me most… because I allow my insecurity to control my life to a point of not doing things I want to because of fear… but when I finally do – I am like WTF was I going on about again?!!! We got into the car this morning and Jude did as any kid would – chirped me ”Do you even remember how to drive mom?!” lol – little shit! I drove him up to this spot just over a month ago and have taken him out a fair amount – but hey… I can appreciate where his humour came from.
We got to the shops, did what we needed to do and left. I drive a 1996 Mercedes 220 Elegance. It was probably one of the last Mercedes that was a 50/50 build of of computerised and mechanical which is why I love it so much! I have a great appreciation for old cars and Mercedes Benz has always been way ahead of their time anyway, so even a 1980’s model of any kind won’t feel like a car from that era.
We got stuck behind some daisy drivers… (yeah I am impatient when it comes to speed) and so I engaged the accelerator pedal sensor - which essentially just quickly shifts yours gears lower for fast acceleration…. And so we FLEW past the two daisies…. Jude was like “MOMMY!!!! You are speeding!!!!” hahahaha!! So cute. I explained that I was STILL driving within the speed limit and that the other two people were moving WAY too slow – like borderline illegally slow, lol! Noted how he looked at how far behind us they were through his side mirror though lol, cutie pie! My son is such a sensible little soul and his mother is a saint don’t you know!
A small moment, but it reminded me that I am not my fears. I am not defined by my mental restrictions. There my little boy was… “WOAH MOMMY THAT WAS FAST” – and I was driving at the speed limit…. Ok, maaaaybe a tad over, lol – but he did not need to know that - Inconsequential moments in time which afford large perspective. We allow molehills to become mountains! Such a trivial thing which I have been allowing to “eat at my mind” for quite some time… done! And now I am like OMG you IDIOT! Lol! The mind is a powerful thing ya?!!!That shit needs to be reigned in sometimes! lol!
Right, back to the walking... such an incredibly meditative activity – well, I consider it so at any rate. It allows you time to process thoughts, emotions – make plans or simply just clear it ALL out and enjoy the sights and sounds. As a youngster, I was not only fearless, but reckless. This, coupled with the environmental factors which we live with in most parts of South Africa it really isn’t any surprise that fear gained easy control over large portions of my life… however, having said that – I think the important thing is that I recognise that and want to change it.
My mother was riddled with fear for most of her life and I saw how that destroyed her from the inside out. I do not want that for myself – I owe it to my son to NOT be like that and even if I move slowly in the right direction, crossing small things off my list as I go along my way… at least I am moving in the right direction. As much as I loved and will continue to love my mom, I cannot help but sit and contemplate that because we were as close as we were that it actually hindered me to a degree, because I am so receptive to the emotional energy of others.
There is good reason for endless quotes from countless people over the ages which express and validate the importance as well the impact of the company you keep. Lately, I have experienced that first hand in the most incredibly positive approach. It has opened my eyes, my heart and made me open to the possibility that I am not all the negative things I tell myself in the middle of the night. I am not the fears I have accumulated over the years – I am ME, and I – just like you… am worthy of all the beauty and blessing which life has to offer.
It is incredible really, how much fresher and brighter the world is when you fill it with the right people and thoughts - the good stuff! Something I have been greatly blessed with of late and it inspires me to cultivate a better version of my current self. A connection which I love dearly! I write a lot about this, and you know what... it never gets old! (Not to me any way!) There is an ENERGYfeeding off the positive. Everything in life is about balance - it is up to us as individuals to find and strike that balance. attached to all of this! I commented briefly on a post recently by @lukestokes about "energy" and lightly delved into the aspect of people
“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” ― John Lennon
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ― Marianne Williamson
I am not of the belief that we are here to be but ordinary. We are not here to merely exist, enslave ourselves and then die. We are not here to be shrouded by fear, insecurity nor loathing. We are here to do magnificent things. Every SINGLE one, unique and divine in it's own right. The sight of such can get lost along the way. Life today is a master distraction. It has been designed that way. It has been designed to make us fail. We need to see this, identify it outwardly AND inwardly. Then, and ONLY then... we can actually do something about it.
“Fear doesn't shut you down; it wakes you up”
― Veronica Roth
❤❤❤
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea
JOIN US ON DISCORD
SUBSCRIBE TO THE LIFESTYLE LOUNGE COMMUNITY HERE
JOIN US ON TWITTER
ALL IMAGES ARE MY PROPERTY UNLESS OTHERWISE CREDITED
Never let fear be a factor, but I UNDERSTAND AND EVEN CAN RELATE. LIFE IS ALSWAYS ABOUT DOING GOOD , the fact you can share with dad and remember your mum, is special. I would love to walk the walk with you ,
aaah honey... we WILL! Love you!!!!
I especially love the moment with your father, which you described.
We all have fears, fears protect us from being hurt. So it's OK and it's normal to be afraid until the feeling of fear paralyzes us.
Regarding your story, for example, I'm afraid to drive a car😂 especially after a situation where I almost hit a traffic cop😂 So you're fearless to me😀An honest, wonderful, emotional, gentle, and witty journey @jaynie and a very interesting inner conversation.
Thank you hon - that was a lovely thing to say.
So very true.
Oh dear lol!!! That would indeed have been a big oopsie haha - I am sure you will find the courage again to try it sometime.
Well, in my case, it means that I'm about to encounter a panic attack or a semi-one... But, still a brave thing to fight a panic attack, eh? :)
.. !BEER
Fighting panic is one of the bravest things a person can do as the emotion of panic can be so destabilising. So yeah, it's brave.
Yep, true that... I'll take as bravery and survival, a panic-disorder could be "uncurable" as they say but, I think that's why we all here, to stand up and fight back our demons, life difficulties, etc...
I know all about panic attacks - so yes, ABSOLUTELY.
View or trade
BEER.BEERHey @jaynie, here is a little bit of from @stayten for you. Enjoy it!Learn how to earn FREE BEER each day by staking your
BEER.Firstly, lovely photos! What great scenery and an awesome place to walk. That boardwalk image with the mountains in the distance across the lake is no nice, also the same but the sandy path...I like both although, you know, sand. Lol.
Oh, I also like that shot of the boardwalk where the grass is coming through...It sort of reminds me of the world reclaiming itself after the complete and utter disappearance of humans.
Fear...I get it and it's no way to live or feel despite it having it's benefits; I guess there's a certain amount permissible before it becomes paralysing and for each of us there's different limits. It can bring caution which is not a bad thing. It can bring action, also a good thing and it can also bring awareness which I think is very cool. OK, I'll own up here...I'm alluding tosituational awareness here, knowing one's surroundings and what's going on. This in itself can mitigate the feeling of fear to some degree. Anyway, just a little practical commenting there. Sorry.
You mention inspiration and "a better version of my current self." This is a nice thing...Being inspired by someone and having them acknowledge one's insecurities and fears, to help us deal with them more effectively. It's uplifting. Surrounding oneself with the right people is important...And for me also surrounding myself with no people also. Balance as you say.
Anyway, you speed demon who does the speed limit, but really not really. Keep walking and keep being you...Both will work well I believe.
And...situational awareness. Just saying.
Thanks for the compliment, although they pale by comparison to yours.
No need to apologise. I like the positive and practical approach you took actually.
Agreed on both counts.
Wouldn't know any other way.... :)
Gotcha!
Let's just say our photos are equally legit. Solves arguments. Although...MUS. 😉
Just sayin' it.
Nope - cannot agree with you!
Sorry not sorry.
LOL!
MUSx2
Braai?
First. Yes.
Love this so much! Good on you for being brave and taking on your fear head-on!
We had quite a change moving from Hout Bay to Kommetjie (not far in distance but the culture and atmosphere is very different).
Before we had to drive everywhere because we heard of girls being abducted while walking home from school and small kids going missing in the township.
But in Kommetjie my daughter rides her bike to the beach and is gone for hours. I walk from our front door on my own and can disappear for a while without anyone worrying.
Your environment is so important to releasing areas and worry. We have a far healthier home environment here and are so much happier.
I’m sure you will find the same in fisherhaven too
Thanks for the positive vibes hon. Much appreciated.
Yes, the cultures are very contrasting.
Wonderful that you have found similar peace and freedom. We need it - especially here.
Absolutely!
😘
Thank you :)
You've gone camping, as I write these words... and my heart hopes you have found a place that's away from the fear.
This was the first post I read after setting my own free yesterday... I read it quickly, and then went away without leaving a comment; wanting to wait till I had the time to leave the thoughts this heartfelt outpouring deserved.
I know this fear.
It makes us feel shattered; fractured, somehow...
Fact! But the world of today increasingly enslaves us in its eternal busy-ness that turns us into human DO-ings, rather than human BE-ings. So much basically meaning-less drivel we perceive must be accomplished or we see ourselves as "failures," and with that the edges of fear creep in. "I'm not good enough... I'm not ENOUGH..." the demons of our inner peanut gallery whisper and we start the slippery slide into self-forgetting as we relentlessly try to "become" something we already are... unique and beautiful beings who are already plenty.
And perfect.
Not "perfect" in that stressful perfectionist way, but perfectly exactly who we need to be.
One of the interesting things that happened when I climbed out of my own deep pit many years ago was that I went through an almost 100% turnover in the people I chose to spend time with and be close to. I started relying more on reading people's vibe and energy than anything else in choosing my friends...
Fears are fine, as long as they actually serve a purpose that helps us on our path... not so much when they keep is from living our lives fully. Sadly, we live in an increasingly fear-based world where people are being trained more and more to fear everything. When we are in fear, we can be controlled... and eventually we are controlled more by the fear of the boogieman than the actual boogieman.
Have a beautiful time camping! And know that you're perfect, exactly as you are.
xo
Firstly, thanks for taking the time to come back and give your thoughts.
Yes it does - it can become soul destroying really.
Ain't THAT the damn truth! Very, VERY well said!
Good to know I am not alone on that one. Your instincts don't lie - neither does energy!
So true!!! We literally need to stop walking, turn around and have a "stare down" - and then keep on walking, never looking back, having faith in ourselves and our inner strength.
Thank you @denmarkguy. I appreciate those words greatly.
Oh my you can get abducted where you live? Lol. Talk about living on the edge... You're brave Jaynie. Now I imagine you speed racing... Hahha, it looks like right up your alley
Well in the city yes... but not out here in the country :)