Greetings, everyone
I want to thank #NaturalMedicine for the opportunity to do some catharsis on feelings or emotions that we know we need to improve or restrain. For me, it is
Frustration
This year has been one overloaded with negative events, some of which have just aggravated issues we've been dragging for years now. If you are a Venezuelan you know exactly what I am talking about. If you have read me before you may have an idea. If you live in a country that is being seriously affected by COVID-19 and you're struggling to cope with unemployment, scarcity, loss, or the simple claustrophobia produced by strict quarantine, multiply that for some 10 years and you'll get my feeling.
It's been more than 10 years of accumulated frustration. Sometimes it gets manifested as anger and violence; other times it plays out as simple indifference, apathy, or detachment. In either case it is an equally destructive feeling. Even though most Venezuelans have been affected by our particular economic and political crisis, some have been able to cope with it, either because they have connections in the government, were already well off before the crisis and have been able to keep their business and life styles, or left the country at the right time and are now enjoying a rebirth of sorts somewhere else.
Those who stayed comprise a diverse but equally fucked up lot. Most of us struggle on a daily basis to make ends meet, even if we are professionals. Imagine how hard it can be for those who are unemployed or depend on someone who is unemployed.
Where does my frustration come from?
It comes from the never-ending political situation.
Maduro, the least qualified person in Venezuelan political history, has managed to remain in power after 7 years; that despite the most dramatic economic crisis with unprecedented hyperinflation, violations of human rights and alleged rejection of both the people and the international community.
From the “International Community”
Politics sucks; politics is corrupt and cruel, but international politics is simply disheartening and incomprehensible. A country (A) pledges alliance to another one (B), promises help to fight its enemies and support its exiles, but at the same time works closely with other allies (C, D…) that happen to be country’s B’s real enemies and are actually ideologically confronted with country A, but since money talks and is nobody’s friend, country A ends up privileging interest with countries C and D and on top of that it imposes impossible restriction to country B’s immigrants so that country B’s immigrants have to rule out going to country A, while still rooting for it and defending it from countries C or D’s attacks and discredit, hailing country A as the true ally that will liberate them from never-ending oppression.
From our Neighbors
Similarly-fucked up countries that until very recently were under dictatorships, civil wars, or devastating economic crises now look way better than us (despite their own issues) thanks to our unprecedented hyperinflation and absolutely nefarious ruler. Ironically, until very recently it was Venezuela the one receiving waves of immigrants from all these countries, who were forced to leave their homes due to different circumstances. Here they had all kinds of benefits and very little demands in terms of documentations. They were able to study, work for public or private institutions, or invest and they prospered while the country was able to allow prosperity.
Yet, some of these countries started to react very aggressively to the massive influx of unwanted foreigners. True, some of the people they got were not wanted even here. These criminals were the result of 20 years of social and moral degradation and we were now exporting them. As a result, and following the old adage that all will pay for the sins of the few, our neighbors restricted the arrival of Venezuelan migrants, raised the requisites to allow legal entrance and the possibility of legal employment, while their citizens rampaged with all kinds of direct and indirect harassment to anything that looked or sounded Venezuelan.
To make matters worse, most of our neighbors are now having their own crises-revisited and have legitimate fears that an overpopulation of needy foreigners may either accelerate their political and economic crises or simply alter their culture in ways they deem dangerous.
It is simply harder to leave Venezuela now and things aren’t getting any better here.
From the realization that all the years devoted to your profession were wasted
As a result of our political situation many institutions were doomed to disappear. They were too dangerous for the totalitarian agenda of the “pretty revolution”. 20 years ago being a university professor was not only a distinguished career, but also one quite profitable. Venezuelan salaries had nothing to envy to international salaries. In fact, we had plenty of American and European faculty for whom teaching in Venezuela and enjoying the vacation-like weather and landscape was a great deal.
After the revolution it was just a matter of 8 years for salaries to plunge to unprecedented levels. Our living standards became as precarious as any menial worker and by the time maduro became president we were actually getting less money that many unskilled workers. By then, it was just a matter of logistic for them to literally sack the buildings and turn the whole system of higher education into an empty shell. Demoralized and weakened by massive migration and massive inflation the teachers and students unions became symbolic institutions that had zero power to revert the governments’ abusive power.
From family conflicts
Trying to reinvent yourself past your prime is not easy, especially if you’re running out of health and options. I have done my best to remain afloat, to provide for my family and keep my sanity while waiting for a miracle. I Steem, I work part time, I do freelance translations; sometimes I feel I have it under control, but things keep piling up. Leaving the country has becomes impossible for all the reasons exposed, plus for some particularly pressing family issues. Taking care of my mother-in-law has become a priority. We cannot leave her alone. No relatives have shown interest to take care of her if we left. She is not easy to get along with either, which makes the recruiting care givers task quite daunting.
Once you discard the immediate possibility of leaving you have to find ways to survive while staying. Somehow you managed, and yet it is never enough to please partner and children, to satisfy needs and demands. You wander around wondering what you did wrong, squeezing your brain for turning points, gross mistakes and can’t remember what it feels like to just live, enjoy life and love those around you.
Everything becomes an argument, a silence, a bitter pill to swallow.
Your social life has been destroyed both due to economic restrictions and the very fact that most of your friends and colleagues are gone (left or dead). The crisis has made you age at least twice as fast as anyone else. You start looking at yourself in the mirror and see a stranger. You’ve been forced to forget about social conventions, special occasions, and attention to details. Priorities is the new “in”. Your priorities shrunk by the day.
You do not want to talk about anything, but family expects you to talk, devote time, and inspire. They depend on you; they expect you to change their circumstances. They are counting on you.
You, on the other hand, just want to get the fuck out of this crazy world where nothing makes sense, where merit is as good as shit, where injustice gets first, where indifference hurts less.
You walk the streets of your town and feel as out of place as you’d feel if you were living in a different planet. You see what people do and what they don’t and you hate everyone with all your guts. You curse, you spit, you swear you’ll never go out again, but you have no choice and next morning you walk the same stinky streets and deal with the same irritating people who make you feel alien and wonder if what you’re living is real.
You feel you will lose it any time; you will blow up, and you wonder who will get the blast, who will be the recipient of your wrath. You want it to be someone that matters, someone who will make you feel you fulfilled some kind of plan-B purpose.
But every day I read a book, or watch a movie or talk to my two daughters and my son who are now far from me and I manage to avoid the worse. Every day I hope some tiny improvement will happen, but Justin Sun happened, the COVID-19, now Hive. I hate uncertainty but we keep being bombarded by it.
My frustration at so much wrong going on around me generates a level of anxiety that makes my mood very easily changeable. I struggle every day to ignore most of what happens and keep my cool, but I have the feeling that so much restrained anger may be unleashed by no reason and for no purpose.
Thanks for taking the time to read this rant
This was my entry for @naturalmedicine's contest. Details here
@hlezama,
... and "misery loves company" the pretext for a marriage.
Henrry, empty platitudes do not fill empty stomachs so I'll spare you the bromides. Churchill once said that, "When you're going through Hell ... keep going."
You have to give Maduro his due ... he lasted longer than anyone, myself included, could ever have imagined. Such is the nature of a cockroach. But all things that must come to an end, do. Your job is to make sure you and your family live long enough to see it.
Quill
@jaynie & @bluemist ... this post is worthy of being spotlighted, and curated, in both PowerHouse Creatives and GEMS.
Thank you very much, Quill. Seeing those bastards fall is certainly one of our motivations
@hlezama, I saw your post highlighted in the PHC discord by @quillfire.
My words are probably insufficient to give any consolation or comfort, but I hope the cathartic effect from writing this will last.
Some of us are here, and are reading.
I've always liked Steem (now #Hive). It's a space where I'm pleasantly surprised by the connection and generosity here. For we all may have never met in real life, yet we share our some usually unspoken thoughts here - and sustain genuine connections.
I feel you. I feel your struggles.
Press on, my friend <3
Thank you very much for your kind words.
Hi @hlezama,
It is very interesting to read your post and I can understand your feeling of frustration. I have the strong feeling that instead of the situation becoming better in your country, the whole world will get to a similar situation because of the uncertain times that we are living in.
This week my country has forced every shop that is not selling food or medicine to close. So I'm without income as is my wife. My two kids are at home because schools are closed. There is fear around because whenever you go out of the house you are scared to get this blody virus and to infect your family. So we just try to stay at home and we try to be positive. My wife is an english teacher and she started to give courses online to people who are equally confined at home. I concentrate and teaching my kids who have to continue to learn.
What I want to say is that this uncertainty leaves a big burden on any of us at the moment but it also gives new opportunities. Like steem jumped to 0.3 usd today because of the coming hard fork.
Let's try to stay positive and try to influence the things that we can influence. I wish you all the best
Best regards,
Achim
Thanks, Achim
We spend our whole life trying to get the big picture only to realize that the big picture is way too overwhelming and out of our control. We'll go with the small picture. Fortunatelly, we still have electricity and internet. If that fails then we'll have less working options
Hi @hlezama!
Your post was upvoted by @steem-ua, new Steem dApp, using UserAuthority for algorithmic post curation!
Your UA account score is currently 3.136 which ranks you at #7068 across all Steem accounts.
Your rank has dropped 164 places in the last three days (old rank 6904).
In our last Algorithmic Curation Round, consisting of 78 contributions, your post is ranked at #58.
Evaluation of your UA score:
Feel free to join our @steem-ua Discord server
This is a wonderful post, and we're happy to support you. We're shifting to HIVE tomorrow, so things are a little crazy. We'd rather award your post with HIVE tokens, so please pop over to Discord and contact @riverflows next week, and we'll send your prize through. xx
Thank you very much, @riverflows.
I am sorry for all the frustrations you had been through and is still going through, just want to send positive vibes to you. Take care.
Much appreciated. It's good to be here. Steemit meant the world to me because that platform was my window to great people and a better-looking world. It was hard to face inminent departure and now here in #Hive I hope things work better. At least we have the PHC family.
I've heard that other countries have troops in Venezuela. Cuba is one of the countries. Is it possible that the reason the Venezuelan troops continue to side with Maduro, is because they are under threat from the foreign troops also protecting Maduro?
That we have foreign troops here is a fact. First the cubans, then the russians and there have been reports of iranian and chinese agents. In any case, the venezuelan military had their chance way before these foreign powers got a grip of venezuela's key infrastructure and resources (oil, gold). They just got too corrupted to see anything else as an option. They were given blank checks to operate everywhere. Power and money sounds better than loyalty to the constitution, justice, sacrifice and honor.
Dragon Sickness. Even one as high as Thorin Oakenshield fell. It's real-world science, too, except for the name. Even the etymology of corrupt means something that went foul or to make something foul/to spoil something good. And there are those who are corrupt even before touching the treasure. The very thought of it...
What people do for some shinies...
So much truth in that. The beauty of Tolkien. That's a great reference. That's is actually what we have concluded after two decades of failed revolution. It was led by resented and ambitious men and women who had just been fantasizing about what they'd do when they got access to the treasure.
I know a lot of the things you're talking about...on a smaller scale ;) I mean that frustration is all around. Hard to keep focus. I know I have lost mine. Looking for it, right now.
Hello, my friend! I share your frustration about frustration! I can relate to many of your points. A lot of it is about being able to put aside the things you have no control of. If you find an easy fix, let me know! 😁
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Haha. Thanks, @felt.buzz. I guess there is an easy fix for that: just to forget about it, ignore politics and everything derived from it; but as they say, easier said than done. I have tried, but, unlike some societies where people can live without beng directly affected by politis, here everything you do or is done to you comes from politics.
For instance, maduro has announced a relief package. The government will give money to people, but only to those who have the carnet de la patria (motherland ID, can you think of a stupider name for a mechanism of social control?). I count myself among those who never applied for that damn thing. I won't get any government money, then. Most people, even people who hate maduro with all their guts (or so they say) got that ID. Hunger and fear are stronger than pride and integrity.
My heart goes to you and I can only imagine the emotions that you're feeling while writing it down. Sometimes we need to get all these thoughts out if not we will explode to those nearest to us unintentionally.
Stay strong..
Thanks. Writing this did me some good, and so your comments and advice. We'll get through this.
Blessings to you and your loved ones
You got it now though.
Thank you. Much appreciated (how does one get those emojis?)
I have a page of them I've saved, I just copy and past the ones I want
Plus there is this, a little strange to use until you get the hang of it
https://steemit.com/steemit/@steemitguide/ultimate-guide-and-cheat-sheet-for-smiley-and-icon-s-make-use-to-thousands-of-emoticons-recgonized-by-steemit-s-raw-html-editor
If you are on a Windows machine, and have access to PAINT, you can save this, copy what you want one at a time and paste it
thre only thing i can say is i will pray for you
Thanks. I appreciate it
Unfortunately many of us are in the crossfire, politicians, greed and many other factors are degrading systems.
Eroding any hope for a stable future, poverty, crying, shame hidden in corners to be ignored, life has changed.
Somehow we keep going!
We do, @joanstewart. I see so many people around me here hushing and self-censoring because they are scared to death they can end up in jail or worse just for a twit. Every day some journalist and health worker gets arrested because they denounced the inhumane circumstances of our hospitals, for instance. If you denounce the military directly it gets even worse. They keep disappearing people and nothing happens to them, and there are still people around the world willing to defend them, to defend their stupid cause/ideals, and to insult those who want soemething different, better.
Spain and Mexico will be soon examples of what happens when countries ignore the warnings. Venezuela ignored the warnings of the exiled Cubans.
Very demeaning, everyone is afraid to talk. They started all this hype of Global Village now trying to reverse out of bad situations each belittling the next.
Growing up feels such a long time ago, one now sits bemused at how ugly greed and self has become the cornerstone of society.
Have a better day tomorrow, we are going into our 21 day "lockdown" for the virus, country is devastated by "state capture", who knows where this will end. Oh by the end of the week our banking (fiat currency) will more than likely be in junk status too.
Oh man, I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now. I read with particular interest how the education system was gutted; that seems to always be one of the first pillars to go, because an educated populace is a dangerous one. The arts are usually second.
I won't offer empty platitudes, but I'm always impressed with how you conduct yourself and keep yourself moving forward. You've shown a lot of determination and pride.
Thanks, @wwwiebe.
I value your words. They actually messed up with the arts too. That's a subject I've been meaning to write about for a long time, but have not been able to out all my ideas in order. Artists have always needed State/government support. Here they even created a holiwood-like studio/production company: La Villa del Cine. Venezuela started to produce in one year more movied they even made in a decade. Of course, all those movies had to be cleared by the government's censors. They had to deal with topics that favored the revolution directly (biopics about Samora, Bolivar, Miranda, for instance) or that were totally neutral or detached from political content. At the local level, we have all kinds of cultores populares (singers, dancers, painters, sculptors...) working on comissioned pieces to please the government's events and crowds.
It is a disgusting thing what they have done with our culture. So much so I have developed some visceral aversion to anything labeled folkloric or popular
Sorry for all these things that happened. Best of luck in going forward. 💕
Thanks, @redheadpei
We'll need a lot of that. Hard work has not done much for us :)
We will pray for you and all of us my friend. 🙏
Thanks, @wonderwop.
Stay blessed
I've always been curious about the subjective life of the everyday Venezuelan but could never get past the smoke and mirrors of international political players to come to something that looks like a well-rounded idea about your country.
As far as suffering... It is a thing. I think the most psychically healthy way of dealing with it is to not contextualize it subjectively as a thing that is happening to you. It's difficult to do, especially in an itemized world were the individual is seen as the only valid point of action and the person as a part of a body, the community, is forgotten.
Thanks for stopping by. We've lived a very peculiar situation for over 2 decades now, but in the last 2 years or so things have gotten beyond bizarre.
For those who have supported the government since 1999 things have been pretty "stable": same narrative, same expectations, same enemies. But for those who have opposed the government, this has been a roller coaster mixed with russian roulette. Our allies and enemies change, the opposition adopts the government's discourse, our leaders end up being as corupt as the government, which, given the circumstances, make them worse.
We never know what to expect. We ran out of scenarios. We lvie everyday with detachment and indifference.
We got used to things not working, from public to private institutions; we got used to fearing the police more than the criminals; we got used to criminals ruling over the government; we got used to quitting traditions and culture, from birthdays to big holidays; we got used to our children asking why things here are so different to things in commercials around the world; we got used to our children not making plans for the future. That has been the msot dramatic part of this tragedy. We ran out of Life-is-Beautiful-sort-of answers.
Comparto tu frustración, aunque no estoy en Vzla me siento desanimada pues tengo 5 años sin ver a mi familia y no es muy fácil costear un viaje, porque o envías dinero o ahorras para ir. Solo tenemos la esperanza que algún día la situación va mejorar. no pierdas la fé.
Así es. Y de verdad q no me imagino la angustia que deben sentir los que como tú estan viendo esta desgracia desde lejos, habiéndo dejado seres queridos, y ahora para remate tienen que lidiar con desgracias más cercanas.
Ayer justamente me preguntaba mi esposa si en retrospectiva no me parecia que había sido mejor no habernos ido. Así de mal lesha ido a muchos de nuestros familaires, quienes ahora enfrentan desempleo y aislamiento en sistemas que no dudan en echarte a la calle porque tu desgracia no es su problema.
Your frustration is understandable @hlezama. It breaks my heart to hear your loss, pain and fear. Adding the CoV-19 fear on top of everything is unblievable. Your resilience is truly amazing! Praying your leader is replaced soon and that your country is able to find relief. Blessings to you and your family
Thank you very much
So much you must endure and I'm sure there is lots that you are grateful for too!
I find the one thing that gives me strength is the realization that
Take care and glad you made it over to the HIVE!
It shall indeed. Questio is whether we'll see it happen. Speaking of Hive. is there an equivalent in hive to steemd/steemworld, where we can see all the movement, VP, and trasnactions?
https://hiveblocks.com is like steemd not quite like Steemworld. I do my delegations on Peakd.
One of the partners in my family's business was from Venezuela. This was in 2004 and finally had to buy him out a few years back when things got really messy there.
When it was almost fine, I laugh when I write that, it has never been fine in my life almost)... he still wasn't allowed to travel to the US as he was a single guy and they were afraid he wouldn't return with no family ties. It was like a prison. Although he could travel to Uruguay. Seriously, why? He could escape from there.
I feel such sorrow. My cousins lived in former Czechoslovakia and although it was brutally Communist, there was not the filth or unemployment, but, Russia held the rings on that one. People wonder how you can live in that? It is depressing to the soul, that is how. You are left with no family, sending them away to protect them from this existence. I was kicked out of a communist country once upon a time. There were many bad things happening in it and I was American. So, it was easier to kick me out than to let me witness things.
I cannot tell you how I want to embrace your soul and give it hope, give it comfort, take away the pain.Know that I know and - know that there are people that care. Hell is too good enough for your leader. He needs a special place for what he has created.
God bless you. All of you.
Upped and Resteemed
Denise
Well, that partner was lucky. Many people I know have been able to do that, get out thanks to some job contract or petition.
Censorship and abuse of power are some of the most dangerous things in regimes like my country's. It turns any situation intoa nightmare.
There is a lot that we cannot document; we just can't access certain spaces where their true evil is revealed.
Oh, Henry.. He never got out. We have to pay him to allow him to give up his share of the business as he could no longer be part of it. He wanted to be bought out of it.
At the time, I didn't understand how far-reaching this nightmare actually ran. May God bless you and yours.
!tip .20
Damn. I had misread the story. That's too bad. the government has made it nearly impossible for anyone to get a passport these days. It's very expensive (around $200).
I have an online friend from Venezuela, and I can imagine... it isn't easy. And we can also all agree that politics sucks. It is one of the things that never ended up beautiful no matter the context.
Like Quill said... all things must come to an end, and you will be able to witness it. Everyone who's sane are with you here.
Thanks, @lilacse. Actually the sanity of so many woderful people here has been a great incentive to keep going.
Hola @hlezama
Entiendo perfectamente tu frustacion la he sentido muchas veces, y creeme. Que la situacion esta dificil para todos y en todos lados, vivo en mexico y creeme la situacion si es terrible, muchos muchos vivimos al dia, no hay para gustos extra o algun antojo, y ahora con la pandemia pues peor, solo espero que todo esto pase pronto
Gracias, @lourdeshd6
Se q muchos otros paises estan viviendo situaciones similares. Ojala no lleguen a los extremos de hyperinflación d vzla y q las fuerzas armadas d tu país conserven algo d cordura y dignidad. Esos dos aspectos han sido clave para elagravamiento de nuestra crisis. Espero q la pandemia no les afecte mucho.
Ha sido un año realmente terrible este 2020. Tras la crisis sanitaria nos espera enfrentar la realidad numérica de las muertes, sino es que los conflictos político militares que ya hallaban cocinándose de tiempo atrás terminan por estallar. Claro por no hablar de lo que ocurre dentro de nuestras propias sociedades y países. las emociones a flor de piel.
Ojalá que todo este enojo solo sirva de impulso, no nos queda al parecer más que ese ojalá tan profundo en el corazón!! Un abrazo fuerte, fuerte desde acá, @HLezama!!
Gracias, hermano
Que estes bien
Un abrazo