I'm sorry you've been struggling. When you say suicidal, do you mean actually wanting to die? That's rough. Maybe the forest nurture your beautiful warrior soul. Tough times, my friend. I love what you say about the earth. I feel so held by it, even in my worst moments. It's unfathomable where either of us would be without this connection.
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I often want to die, I feel like it’s a bit pointless to keep spinning round and round in duality, and I sometimes find huge resistance from my ego to see the bigger picture. I do have a tech for it though: I tell myself that it’s fine to die but it should be slow and with awareness of the process, no quick fixes. I stop eating and perhaps that leads me into a bit of a detox from which I get back on my feet. Currently enjoying good breathing and gratefulness once again. Thanks for your concern and support 💗