Something I've observed over time is how people tend to become complacent within their relationship - I mean with the special person in their life - and I've watched it go badly many times.
I'm not saying it always ends with catastrophe, just that it's often meant both parties settle into a routine, lose passion, connection and often respect for each other and when those things are allowed to happen...well, is that how a loving relationship should be? Hint: Of course not!
I believe many things combine for a couple to have a good relationship. But what is good? That's subjective of course, but I think things like passion, spontaneity, humour, attraction, good communication, fun, respect, interest, teamwork, supportiveness and trust are a few of those elements. Wouldn't you agree? What others do you think you'd add?
I put in the word communication above and I think that's one of the pillars that holds a good relationship up and I think people need to work harder on communicating better, more effectively and with greater understanding; with the family unit breaking down rapidly and the divorce rate skyrocketing I feel this is a critical aspect. So, here's a few things I and my partner say which help us communicate better and which work towards creating a lasting, meaningful and solid relationship.
Learn how to say these things genuinely
- It matters to me if it matters to you.
- I'd not like to assume, so I'm asking because I care.
- I want to apologise for...[insert reason here]
- We do it differently and neither way is right or wrong.
- Neither of us are perfect and it's ok to be wrong, mess up or to fail.
- We own our own feelings, we're in charge, but yours matter to me.
- I love you even when we're upset with each other.
- I want to check in and understand how you're feeling about...[insert thing here]
- Thank you for showing patience and understanding about...[insert reason here]
I'm no relationship expert however I believe that these phrases said genuinely (and others like them) can strengthen and deepen a relationship and help future-proof it as well. It's difficult enough to get by in the complicated world in which we live so why diminish the strength, meaning and value of our relationships when a few well-chosen and heartfelt words can do the opposite, support, build and better it.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
[Original and AI free]
Image(s) in this post are my own
You needn't be a relationship expert to all, but to your very own personal relationship it should be something to strive toward. To be constantly deepening your understanding of each other, what matters in the deepest corner of your hearts and minds that others are never privvy to is important.
In addition, empathy is a valuable tool for your relationship toolbox. Some people never show it, don't have it, or don't care enough to put themselves in the shoes of their partners. It can go a long way to understanding each other and maneuvering through a minefield of disagreements.
I think it's all been said here in various ways, but you can never hear it enough. Complacency is always a self-serving action, or non-action as it were.
I'm not an expert at anything...well, maybe shooting things at very long range with rifles, but other than that, nothing at all. But, I know how to make a relationships work. Of course, I make mistakes and get things wrong, I've learned from that and that's what deepened my relationships.
Empathy is a good one, very well said and a good addition; a lot of people fail to use that emotion well.
Thanks for chiming in.
One piece of advice I received that I've found very useful is never to let the sun set on an argument. On the rare occasion I find myself in a row, I will always resolve it before bedtime, whether the other party likes it or not. 'Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.' (Oscar Wilde).
That's a good one and well worth the effort. I've had many late nights trying to enforce that rule (I can be stubborn when arguing) but for sure it's best to get things straight. Also, old Oscar knew what's up huh?
What a terrible photo! You can't see anyone's face, the guy seems like he could be good looking but who would know with that massive sun glare over his entire face and hooded person on the left has the biggest sunglasses I've ever seen even though they're facing away from the sun. I would fire this photographer immediately.
Relationships are easy.
All it takes is for both people in the relationship to put in the hard work to constantly maintain the relationship. Simple.
Both sets of my grandparents really didn't seem to like their spouses very much, I don't remember witnessing any affection or kindness and my grandfathers especially were honestly pretty mean to their wives... and we spent a lot of time with both sets over the school holidays. So, given that, when my parents got divorced while I was a teenager, I knew it was a good decision and they were both much happier in the long run.
I also wish that we as a society didn't have such negative feelings about relationships ending. It's totally natural and honestly, it's fine. I think part of the reason my own relationship has lasted so long is because we both know that we can leave at any time, and so we both want to put in the work to try and be the best possible person for each other, and if it ended tomorrow, that'll be sad, but it'll be okay.
It's a shame the divorce rate is so high and I think it doesn't need to be if people worked towards the same goals however, two people staying together when they clearly don't like each other seems very strange as well.
I think traditionally divorce was seen as a failure so people stayed where they were. Now, (some) people change partners almost as quickly as they change their phones or sneakers so it's becoming more accepted I guess. It's not bad if that change is made after some effort to make it work is made, but changing flippantly doesn't make me feel people have entered into the relationship with any real commitment or that they have put much effort into the things that make a relationship work.
I was under the impression that the divorce rates were dropping over time... and I think it's generally due to less people feeling pressured to get married early.
Yeah, I definitely don't fault people for changing partners a lot, lots of people are very good at hiding their true selves for weeks, months or years and that's super not cool. I do feel like this is another area (like personal finances, etc) that we could really use better education on. If kids learnt how to resolve conflict, defuse tense situations and work on their relationships in school, I imagine the societal effects within a decade or two would be incredible.
I'm not really sure I suppose, all I know is what (for me and my partner) constituents good practices in respect of communication and other behaviours within our relationship and that treating each other respectfully and all the other aspects of what we feel a good relationship requires seems to work; people are free to choose their life, and they do, and the choices each make will ultimately deliver a result.
As for what kids learn in school, who knows...I suppose whatever agenda the government feel us appropriate at the time.
Pablo Milanés, Cuban singer-songwriter, now deceased, has a song in which he addresses this issue and, in one of its parts, he says:
Time goes by and we are getting older and love I don't reflect it like yesterday. In every conversation, every kiss, every hug you always impose a piece of reason.
To everything you say yes, to nothing I say no to be able to build the tremendous harmony that makes hearts old....
That is to say that in love all those qualities you mention are important, in which communication is essential and as a user told you to accept the criterion of the other party, even if you do not agree.
But routine, not taking care of the small details, not doing the things you used to like, not supporting her in a project or not being attentive to her life issues is something that ends the relationship.
I know that it is difficult to maintain a lasting relationship because I have been married for 28 years, but love is a process that is built with those ingredients that you mention, but that must be renewed permanently.
Happy Sunday. Cheers and best regards.
It's sort of like layers, the longer a couple is together the more that are created; the key is to making them the right layers and not toxic ones that can diminish the relationship.
Thanks for your comment, valuable indeed.
I was reading and thinking, I think there is everything that is needed to make a relationship work. To love is to respect and to care about the other with all that it entails and I always say that dialogue is a super tool, without talking it is assumed and that is not right. In particular I think that spaces and leisure time should be shared and that there should be common interests so that this time is wonderful and strengthens the couple.
I loved the publication, it's great!
I agree, common interests, but each person should have their own interests and a relationships will work better if the other one supports them in it.
That, too, is a complement, individuality and partnership at the same time.
There is a saying from where I come from and I quoted "you can't walk without the head shaking" which implice that no one is perfect we all have our strength and weakness. By this we need to accommodate and manage everyone that comes our way weakness by that we can cohabit with each other peacefully. Learn to forgive and you will live happily.
Accommodate, it's a little like being patient and understanding, compromising. So yeah, I agree.
Also, the word you used "implice"...the word is implies. I knew what you meant but thought I'd correct you because I figured you'd want to get it right next time.
@galenkp Thanks for the correction I appreciate
I think for me one of the most important ones it to let the other person know that you appreciate them. Whether you share it through words or something else. It means more to my wife than many other things I could do.
If a person appreciates their partner then it's likely they're doing all (or many) of the other things required already.
Still some people don't have guts to face unexpected situation and they really don't even try to understand the things. And even after that human ego is a big thing which matters a lot in human relationship. I think all we need is to control our ego if people wanna live with love all life along.
Ego is one of the road blocks to good relationships but people seem increasingly egotistical these days for some reason. Why do you think that is?
In this list you have listed everything that came to my mind at first
I only think I would add: "Accepting differences and the wishes of the other - compromise", which is a trait that should be possessed in order to get along and accept what we do not like in our partners.
Yesterday we went to the museum. My partner was not interested in it, but she accepted my insistence, and in a joking tone she told me: "Don't complain later when I call you to keep me company when I go to look at shoes".
🙂
Compromise is a good one as without it there's often conflict. Your example is a good one, a little compromise from both people can mean a happier and more connected relationship. Good addition to the list.
It's important to maintain relationships filled with affection, love, and a lot of love; communication and understanding are the cornerstones of strengthening them.
I agree with you, clearly as per my post above. Have you ever seen someone do it wrongly? What happened and how did it end up?
Beautiful picture 🥰
The Flinders Ranges is an easy place to photograph, especially at sunset.
❤️
Love thrives with effort, communication and care smaller, cordial words can keep a relationship strong and linked together.
Yep, that's what I said.
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