It was a great session with clients today, with fantastic conversation across some important topics that all hinged around some aspect of mental health. It started with a light discussion on how in Finland going to a therapist is a taboo topic and seen as a weakness, but in the US it seems that everyone goes, and then the conversation progressed.
For instance, what if going to a therapist is a weakness depending on what the reasons are? For example, in the US are the right people going to a psychologist, or are the people in need not accessing them, while the people who have pretty good lives do go? is the constant access to get mental and emotional support meaning that we are improving ourselves, or is it making us weaker, lowering the bar for how quickly we are impacted by negative and how quickly we have to turn to others for support. Are we learning how to stand on our own two feet, or are we learning how to walk with crutches?
And then, in what areas are we becoming weaker? For example, one of the things that came up was how outraged people get over events that barely impact their lives. My client brought up the building of an exercise staircase in his town at the local ski jump (they have local ski jumps in Finland), and how people are outraged that they are building it there, as it is not in the center of the city - but not acknowledging that the city is built in a flat area. He said the anger and vitriol was amazing for what is essentially a public good, no matter where it is. And, it is also relatively cheap to build.
I mentioned that it is this kind of mentality that people make their voting decisions on too, where they feel very strongly about one particular item and will support or go against a candidate based on that singular thing. For instance, Trump uses this mindset well, as he can throw out a whole range of opinions on polarizing topics and get focused groups to vote based on one of them, even if they would disagree with multiple others on the agenda. For example, a person might be anti- immigration or abortion, so will make their decision on that individual point, even if everything else the candidate stands for goes against their belief system.
What is happening is that we are polarized on independent topics, but we aren't connecting them to the bigger picture and how it fits into the entire landscape of our lives. This means that we are unable to build a consistent flow or line of best fit throughout our experience, which leads to being disconnected from parts of our world that are important for our health and wellbeing.
Is this a mental health issue?
We talk about work-life balance, but what about thought balance, or belief balance? Should we be considering what is important to us, but also investigating how that thing fits into the ecosystem of our belief system, our physical needs, our emotional predisposition?
Because what I think is one of the things driving this breakdown in conversation and increasing polarization, is our conditioning around lies catalyzed by our ability to choose our content or have it fed to us with precision. What are the lies? Well there are many, but over the last years we have been told that we can be anything we want, that we should trust our emotions and intuition and, that we shouldn't settle for anything less than we think we are worth. The catalyst is our ability to build information siloes that support our emotional beliefs, whether they are valid, logical, proven - or not.
Let's start with intuition, which is a feeling that we get based on our environmental awareness. It "tells" us information. However, what it actually requires to be relevant accurate, is experience with the topic. For instance, my client is an expert in Power Plants and when he is onsite, he will get a "sense" for what is happening based on many variables he unconsciously calculates in the background. However, if I was there standing next to him, my intuition would give me nothing useful in terms of the power plant. If anything, it will say
"Taraz, stay quiet, you don't know anything about this."
I rarely stay quiet. But that is another issue.
However, we live in an online world where we are able to comment on anything and this includes topics that make us emotionally charged, even though we have minimal information. We don't have to worry about our behavior, because we are safely behind the screen and no one can punch us in the face. And, we can say what we want because we don't have to face that person's reaction, nor do we have to acknowledge them as a person at all. All they are is a way to score a point for our silo.
And of course, we have to believe in ourselves which means that at any given point in time, whatever we do, is the right thing to do. It doesn't matter if it is in conflict with the next thing that we do, or if it has a negative affect on our greater ecosystem, because it felt right in the moment, so it must be right. And, because everything has become an independent event, we are always right.
This means that even when our actions cause a future pain, that future pain is not tied to our action, instead it is another independent event that has an immediate cause. It is like a bully at school bullying a kid for a few months and then when the kid retaliates and smashes the bully in the face, the bully sees it as an unprovoked attack.
Everything is an attack these days.
But, instead of working this out for ourselves, we are encouraged to keep turning to external support sources, where we can again build walls to protect our opinions and beliefs. And the more we do this, the less resilience we develop, and the fewer tools we have to cope with our world. This results in us being "triggered" by less, and being more reactive and emotional once triggered, which in turn is going to be more triggering for others, as they are also largely weakened by their experience and their conditioning too.
Mental health, or are we all sick?
As I mentioned the other day in my article, I don't think that many of us are having enough in-depth daily conversations on topics and with people who keep us mentally or physically healthy. I think that a lot of the people who go to therapists do so to have the types of intimate conversations on emotional subjects that we might have had earlier with partners who knew us, who were invested in us being our best too. However, the more disconnected we are from each other, the less people know us. And, the more we silo ourselves into topics without considering their larger impact, believing that how we feel makes us right, the less connection we are going to make, because we are going to feel attacked, even by people who have our best interests at heart, or their self-interest aligns with us being our best.
It is a travesty of society and humanity.
I used to believe that therapists and psychologists are unnecessary, but I have changed my mind, because we have been conditioned to not have the skills we need for ourselves, so we have to seek them out from professionals. But, it creates a doubling-down effect for most of us, as we become reliant on the professional, rather than learn for ourselves.
I used an example recently using a massage as the illustration point. Instead of learning how to give a good massage to a partner, it is easier to send them to a masseuse instead, as they will get a professional result. But, learning to do something for someone else is part of the intimacy profile, as well as part of the way we develop relationships, compromise, reciprocation, and skill developments that support each other's growth.
But, we have built a culture where there is a specific tool for everything and we shouldn't settle for less than the best. But, no single individual can ever be the best at everything that is important to others, so if we silo off all of these traits rather than look at them as a cluster of an individual human, we are never going to be good enough for anyone. And no one will ever be good enough for us.
Healthy mindset?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Of course, we live in a crucial time, where listening and observing have become futile actions. Who cares what the other person wants to say, if he is not interested in listening to me. Therapists do it because for them that's their job and that's what they live on, just as a priest sits to “listen” to your complaints and list of sins; as long as you leave the tithe, go on…!
Most of us don't know how to channel our sorrows properly, that's why we turn to alcohol and in the extremes to drugs. The important thing for them is to literally abandon their sorrows and live magically under the effects of alcohol… Characteristic of macho societies... Going to a psychologist-therapist, in third world societies, is not common, the cost of a session costs more than what they earn a month...
And what is learned can be used to keep the tithe coming.
This was another part of the conversation this morning (there were many parts) as alcoholism is rampant in Finland, as is social isolation - often self-inflicted.
No, but understanding ourselves is free.
Why do you vote your own comments?
I used to disagree with it but recently I learned that there is a heavy manipulation with the psychologists data. For example, I recently learned that therapist are having gender bias on men whereas they seem to be more sensitive towards women as they happen to be better customers. So I switched to female psychologist for handling my stress. Results is such that the person happened to improve my thought process and life.
Men should go to women psychologists that too with abit of checking and women should go to men psychologist usually doesn't require much checking as they happen to heavily work for them like they are being treated as the customer rather than suffering soul.
But that's just my observation.
I believe this is because the health professional isn't invulnerable to social conditioning. We men have been trained by society to be hard and unsensitive and in turn we also have the impulse to be unsensitive towards men. It happens to me with my brothers. Some time ago I snapped about an issue and I was called dramatic. Since I suffer from mental illness that gave me a real humble dose about feelings and emotions but what can you expect from a person who hasn't, and had endure the full weight of cultural conditioning? Despite my pains, I do believe it will make me a better health professional in the future, or at least, that's my hope.
I have only ever seen a female therapist, which I think I chose because I get along better with women and I value the differing perspectives.
(And she's a hottie?)
It is obvious that if the good things in one's life is going to decrease time by time, they then probably need a therapist or a psychologist.
And, the level needed to be considered "good" seems to keep increasing. For instance, once upon a time we would go to a bar and happily listen to a local band for the price of a drink. Now, we will pay 500€ to see Taylor Swift.
Today, it starts to cost you after steping out of home nowadays.
Originally, the purpose of the profesional in mental health is to give tools a person can use on their own. At least in this part of the world you get to visit a psychologist once a week for an hour, the rest of the day, and the week you are on your own doing the homework you were assesed. In the best case escenario these techniques, used properly and consistently will grant the person a posibility of venting off nasty feelings without making further damage. Although, it is interesting to notice a good psychology professional is also a great person to speak with... he has to, because to endure the pain and the suffering, the oddities of a person you have to be forcibly openminded, or you might have breakdown real fast.
Since a goal in life to me is to become one, and naturally got that skill, I have considered about just why people don't become openminded themselves. Well, primarily because changing fucking hurts like hell and because they get a sensation of power when you give money to someone, in a way making you feel safe from attack. After all, people get the impression they can say anything to an employee without getting further consecuences.
A lot of the psychologists I have met are often broken people themselves, who got into the field because they wanted to fix themselves. I think that this is part of the reason mental health professionals can have a high suicide rate - it isn't listening to others that is the issue, it is not being able to handle themselves.
Indeed, it's not a perfect science not by a long shot. I am trying to become one myself and I am still dealing with issues, but there's a diference between having something wrong not admiting it and not doing anything about it, (which often translates into envy, remorse and hate) and actively trying to work on it and look for practical solutions you might also share. I believe that is what makes some professionals in the area capable of doing a diference.
That drive, you see? of trying to be better is what people is lacking nowadays. Most people one know is just suffering from who they are and blindly making others suffer like the passing of a storm, and when you ask them they say "I am like this and if you don't like it then go away". Like it's that simple!
Yes, sadly, many people nowadays don't really have anyone close, which makes life harder in terms of mental health. I think there is also another aspect to it. Back in the days, there were so many more time-consuming things in the lives of most people that no one had the time to "overthink" everything. Picture a family with multiple kids and men who work long hours. There is also the aspect of physical work, which makes us too tired to think too much in the evening.
In contrast, there is the picture of a lonely modern man who couldn't find a wife and works from home on a computer. He has all the freedom but a much harder time finding happiness.
Ah, and the joy of doing something and seeing an immediate result. A lot of what we do now, we never actually know what the impact is.
And they turn into groups of incels.
Well, I believe people who go to therapist just want to be heard without judging because that's the only safest place to pure your opinions without someone wanting to punch you in the face, because we are in a world where everyone is claiming right in his opinion and doesn't even want to listen to others opinion especially online, which is totally unfair. Everybody's trash matters. I used to say social media is for the strong hearts and yes, it's true....do you believe that most people needs someone to talk to after dropping down their phone offline? That's because their opinions were not heard. The most important thing here is that, we need to learn how to listen to people's opinions without judging, be it online or offline.
They are in the wrong format. Social media is equivalent to eating cardboard and expecting to get all the vitamins needed.
I don't think this is accurate. I can take a group of twenty people I know and I think that maybe one of them sees a therapist. That's if I think really hard. There could be some of them that do and I just don't realize it, but I think that just proves my point even more. There is still a large stigma about going to see counselors and due to that fact, people either don't or they don't talk about it, so you wouldn't know one way or the other. I've often told my wife that she should go see one. Not that she has issues, but since she is a counselor herself, she takes on a lot of crap every day. She has these unseen burdens that I can't fathom or understand due to confidentiality or the fact that it isn't my wheel house. Plus, I'm a fixer by nature and she will often remind me, she doesn't need me to fix it, she just needs me to listen. I think a lot of people who do go to therapy go simply for that. It's a safe space where someone listens without judging, or trying to fix it, or whatever their initial reaction might be.
Yes. This is speaks to my point of "are the right people going?" Perhaps the people that should be going aren't, but you have a lot of people who are going to a therapist because someone in their yoga class commented somewhat negatively on the color of their lululemon pants. :D
For sure! But we live in a culture of people shouting their opinions into the void, not listening to the opinions of others. This drips into real life too and a lot of people aren't getting that "listening" part of the conversation from people in the home either. It is one-directional, often speaking past each other, talking only about oneself - but looking at each other. If that makes sense.
Men in general are looking for solutions. I do this too. And women in general don't want to be helped by their partner :D
I think that last bit is part of the reason that people might have a hard time sharing with the person they love. It's easy to want to try and take away the hurt or pain especially if you are "a fixer". Good thoughts and insight though.
I think the other thing is that it exposes them to judgement and maybe people are more selfish, so will use what is said against their partner when convenient.
Yeah, that could be.
You rightly said it, those in the U.S think this necessary meanwhile those in Finland think it's a weakness, Reading on I grab your changes of psychology when you talked about we using our intuitions, which of course gets us to adapts to our environment, the difference between the U.s Folks And the Finland folks is just a matter of indepth Knowledge on why it is necessary to see these professionals.
I think it is better off in western developed countries than it is here in Africa were the believe system here is totally different everything is channeled to natural occurrence and fate and that it will pass away ..many suicidal cases, families breaking apart were simple issues could have been avoided by seeing these professionals....
Of course when you hear rich folks seeing them often that alone is wisdom, cause these guys really understand the need for them, regular checks on your health should be paramount above all, the simple slogan HEALTH IS WEALTH should also ring a bell, I personally don't joke with my health, it's a vital sign of being alive ....
Even learning these skills or so goes a long way to bond us, it could be psychology, therapist even how to massage your spouse instead of sending them to get it somewhere ...
This is a deep one thanks for sharing your thoughts....
What a great article. Best regards.
I really don't know what is going on with us humans, we have become like deranged in many ways. We are always looking for the best in others, but we don't try to be the best at it ourselves. Well if someone is a good masseur for example, it is because that person put aside his beliefs and dedicated himself to study and grow professionally in his area. The same with people who understand the need to go to a therapist and have a fluid, empathic and open conversation with someone they don't know. As opposed to trying to do it with someone close to you where the barriers of beliefs don't allow you to connect more easily.
Hopefully things will change, because society is getting weirder and weirder. Greetings 🤗
During my student years, I read a lot of literature about psychology. But I myself do not go to such specialists. I used to drink alcohol to relax after a stressful situation (and I was stressed 5 days a week, I scalped futures on the stock exchange). Now I like to just walk in the fresh air, sometimes I take a glass of beer or wine.
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STOPOne thing I am sure of is that people are surely going to have different opinions about something. If you being up a matter now, you will be surprised that there will be over a million opinions on just one topic
We are human beings. We are created differently and that is why we think different
It's interesting to see that going to a therapist is taboo in a lot of places. I know it has been a bigger issue for men for a long time. Men are expected to show limited emotion, have muted feelings, and just man up through any hardship. There is more pushback on this over the years, but it is still a big issue even now. It's good that you are discussing it, and I hope we make bigger strides for better mental health for all in the future.
My daily dose of Taraz gives me a bit of therapy each time I engage!
I've seen over 10+ shrinks in my life. Several inconclusive ADHD tests and participated in a drug study once. I am definitely one to overshare, so if someone really wants to listen...
Great work!