It has been over six years that I have been writing on this blockchain and one of the conversations I have continually focused on is how I observe behavior, because I am interested in how we tick and how we act. One of my focuses has been on how younger generations are failing because they have been raised on screens, unable to build the necessary skills and behaviors on how to develop and hold relationships.
I have these going back to the start and I remember one where I was talking about an observed group of fifteen year old kids sitting around "talking" to each other, but most of the time on their phones. When they did talk face to face, they were looking over each other's shoulders, always on the prowl for something - more interesting. Another article I remember mentioning how all the relationships are transactional and how unless a person could provide some value, they were value less and when they couldn't give value, they were disposed of.
I am talking about teens here.
Before Covid.
At the start of the Covid panpanic and when the lockdowns were first mentioned, I wrote articles about how it was going to break social ties and people would struggle even more to connect, to build friendship circles and depression and social dysfunction would increase.
I came across an article today with the above headline and what they have mentioned in here is that Generation Z (those born between 1997-2012) are struggling to make and keep friends because of Covid lockdowns. But this is only a part of the story, because the anti-social behavior started well before Covid and was observable well before any of this. The fifteen year olds I mentioned, would now be around twenty two or twenty three.
From the article:
“Completing my course remotely and speaking to minimal people face-to-face, predominantly family members for a good part of a year, really impacted my confidence and communication skills. Before the pandemic, I was extremely social and had no issues being in new environments with new people, so it was quite difficult trying to deal with the fact that I was struggling.”
While I don't know this young woman named Lily, I call bullshit on what she is saying if she was anything like the average teen six years ago. Because, while they believe they were social, they weren't. Being around a lot of people a lot of the time doesn't mean you are good at socializing, which is why so many people these days can be surrounded with people, yet still feel lonely. They weren't connecting with each other deeply and building lifelong friendships, they were hanging out due to convenience, boredom and whatever else.
Covid conditions just exacerbated and amplified their slide into irrelevance, working as a catalyst to speed their social degradation. However, they were already making others transactional and disposable, only staying friends for as long as there was a tangible ROI on the relationship.
The height of disposable people is dating these days, where (I have written about this several times too) people use the app to get dates, but don't actually have the skills to build relationships. And, when things get hard, they don't learn to work it out, because there are always more people waiting to be swiped.
The biggest user group are GenZ, which if you think about it, shouldn't be the case because they are also the group that should be out socializing the most at bars, going to parties and chatting each other up at random events. But, while they are still going out, their friend circles are small and their inability to socialize well means that they are piss poor at talking to each other, let alone doing the validation work to calculate suitability.
The impact of Covid is going to be enormous and I am glad that at least some people are realizing the implications are far worse than the virus itself. However, we as a society have been fracturing for far longer, polarizing, reducing our tradeable skills, our interpersonal skills, our ability to connect with each other, our resiliency to different ideas, our ability to be uncomfortable .... and the list goes on. What we have built quickly however is, our instant gratification mindset - especially in the younger generations.
This has massive impacts on investor mindset too, but in regard to what we are talking about here today, it has an enormous impact on social ability. If we aren't able to invest our time and resources into building relationships, no matter how many people we spend time with, we aren't going to develop deep enough bonds for strong and lasting friendships to form. We can't build friendships like we are buying a gadget, only to be thrown away and replaced, if we want long-term connection, because it means that we will be thrown away too.
There is a golden rule somewhere.
And, while some people seem to think that they are able to do without social interactionbecause it is easier and cleaner, once they get to my age, it is likely that they will realize that it is all about connection, it is all about the relationships we have. If we don't know anyone and no one knows us, what are we in this world, what kind of experience do we have?
And the response is that people are getting lonelier and more disconnected, which drives them into becoming more anti-social, more driven into the digital life where no one knows who they are, and no one gives a fuck about who they are either.
“Younger generations and remote workers are facing challenges making friends in remote environments, which threatens their happiness, productivity and creativity at work, not to mention their company loyalty,”
Ha!
For those who have followed me a while, how many times have I mentioned this, yet people still argue that remote work is good. Hybrid work is a tool that can give flexibility - remote work is isolating and holds us back from being our best and, experiencing our best. This stuff is obvious. It doesn't need a study, it just needs someone to look up from their smartphone for long enough to observe interaction between people and how awkward it has become.
And, when it comes to the ramifications of social disconnection, depression and addictions take the fore, whether it be addiction to drugs, alcohol, games, food or porn - and often there are groupings of these things together today.
As a society, while some people worry about things like gender pronouns and celebrity breakups, the most important parts of our community are falling into such a state of disrepair, that for most, there will be no recovery. As a parent, it is my job to try to ensure my daughter is a healthy and well-rounded individual, but that really requires her to be able to interact and build lasting relationships with other healthy and well-rounded individuals.
It is a rapidly shrinking group.
We can blame Covid, but it wasn't the cause of this disease.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Relationships, a word that used to mean something wholesome and good whereas these days it rarely means anything without the word casual in front of it. I wonder, is it that people don't want to engage with others, or do they not know how to? I suppose a little of both. I don't blame Covid-19 either, that was just the excuse used to accelerate the problem.
As for Tinder and those things...I feel very fortunate to have never seen it, and to have met and fallen in love with my guy the old fashioned way.
Also, can I borrow smallsteps for a little while? She's so cute.
Becca 🌷
I think a bit of both really - their experience with engagement is bad, because they don't know how to interact well, either as speaker or listener.
You definitely can!
It's a real problem I think and one that will truly reveal itself in the next 10 to 20 years as the current population ages. I imagine it's going to get very difficult for older people also.
Becca 🌷
I even forgot how to walk and how to across the road in the lockdown times.
:D
By the looks of some people, you aren't the only one :)
I definitely feel like there's some permanent social distance going on. I feel that myself although I'm in a unique situation. Speaking of younger folks though, I feel like a lot of them don't know how to communicate and they come across as unkind most of the time.
It seems to be their "resting" position, their default is anti-social.
Responsible parents, with values and criteria, will be able to influence their children, laying solid foundations. But what percentage will this be? Fighting against the tide seems like another Trojan story.
With my son Matthew –as you do with the little princess– I instil values in him, take him away from the screen and keep him in touch with nature and reality. The same doubts we have now about the future of the little ones, our parents had when we were just brats.
What are these? :D
Part of the issue is that the parents of these kids are also addicted and disconnecting, but don't realize it as much, as they didn't grow up with screens in the same way, they had them added later. Now, they think that because "they are okay" their kids will be fine, even though they are under one sitting with Peppa Pig 10 hours a day.
This is definitely not my case and I guess not yours either. Now, we are adaptive beings, but we are also thinking beings; the criteria of upbringing are so particular, not questionable. We can't pretend to “cover the sun with a finger”, write and write, if we don't make a difference and set an example for our children, they will be just one more of the bunch… That, I don't want for Matthew.
I haven't heard that expressions before.
For me at least, my journey as a parent is quite practical and what I learn, I apply where I can. Our kid is largely analogue and will be for some time to come.
My son, in addition to being an analogue like a clockwork clock, when he is planted in front of the screen -supervised- he is bombarded with pills with keywords like:
We give Smallsteps some time to watch, but from an approved list of shows. She is also allowed to explore a bit and ask about things. There is also only the TV, no phones or tablets etc.
Most of the time though, she has other things to do instead. Play, draw, crafts, etc
Thank fuck that I never had tinder... I never met anyone on tinder.... Thank fuck....
It's a weird situation though, I don't like to mingle with people myself but then again I'm an introvert. But if I have to I know I'm capable of conversing, it's just that I might not always want to 😅😐👀
It is a funny thing how many people consider themselves introverted, yet a lot of the young also consider themselves extroverted - yet they still suck at socializing :)
I don't know what my problem is then... I was born way before smart devices and I am quite antisocial. I've always had a hard time talking to people on the phone. I still despise it to this day. Eye contact... Pretty much zero from me. I will look anywhere but in your eyes. I'm defective.
Before screens, people still had their preferences, I think they have been amplified though. You might not be overly social, but in order to get by in the world, you had to learn. Many don't learn at all now.
Yes, that is very true. I can do it when I need to. It is hard though and takes a lot out of me.
During covid, kids became more engaged with mobile phones and their studies became online. They spend alot of time with cell phones and their outdoor activities or spend time with family became minimized.
They were engaged with their phones before Covid too - far too much. For many, it was a relief to go online more, without realizing/ caring about the costs to their future.
I absolutely agree with you. This social behavior existed before covid. And as you said, the disease only exacerbated it. Unfortunately, young people, what is social life? They don't know. They don't know how to contact people.. They think they share the conversation on the phone. Working remotely, in my opinion, is an application that disrupts the balance of society. I worked remotely during the pandemic. And I forgot to speak. I was unable to establish a dialogue.
I agree with your findings.
Some people I work with who have been remote and barely been in the office since, are starting to recognize the cost to them. They aren't better off because of the convenience, they are suffering because of it. Convenient doesn't mean healthy.
Have you noticed that Instagram generation of today feels more failure if your achievements are not matching the achievements of people on the web. Kind of makes you wonder that this would not be leading the civilization towards the right things. Instead we would go in loop of wars, stability, wars cycle. I feel hybrid work would keep things in balance.
People have been complaining about body representation kin magazines for years - now they actively seek out ways to belittle themselves.
Hybrid work at the very least. Many people would likely benefit from near 100% at work.
Recently, attending my son's university orientation. I was sitting through some sessions where the university staff provided presentations on various topics. As I at through the presentations I started noticing grown adults with heads in their phones paying no attention to the staff members presenting to us parents. So yeah, adults are subject to this "disease" too.
Adults have it too for sure. The older ones at least weren't born that way - so they have some other skills learned in the dark ages before smartphones :)
I know, but you wouldn't think so sometimes by the way they behave. As you know, I don't get out much as most people. When I do, the last thing I want to do is be on a phone or computer. Most times I would like to take everything in and enjoy the real world around me. Maybe that is why I am a little more hyper sensitive to the issue?
For sure. It is sad too, because it is like a doubling-down, because that is what the kids see too. Parents being the role models, and parents encouraging passivity in children, because it is convenient.
Perhaps. I think it might also be because you aren't out much, so you end up paying attention more. It is like going from a dark room into the light and your eyes squint to see the world - a natural reaction perhaps?
I think it is that going from the dark room thing and some other mental wonkiness that make me hyper sensitive to surroundings. Either way, I will admit I see some of this in my younger son too, but luckily he likes the outdoors and will push away from the computer or games to do non-virtual stuff. He is also getting involved with more social activities in university, which I hope will actually be social.
As a teacher in the medical teach at the moment we are giving a lot of lectures about this. Because we think that covid caused it, but this is just a build-up from what was already happening. We are with 4 generations on the working floor now for the first time ever, and these differences were always there.
We frown we looking at this behaviour but the previous generation also frowned towards us because of weird behaviour they didnt do back then.
For us to have this difference in social connection in this kind of short manner through screens seems super weird. But on the other hand...isnt that the future will screen be integrated even more.
I guess these guys will frown towards the next generation when they zone out because their brain implant is telling them something ;))
The future might be more screen integrated, but the abilities to create will still be needed to generate personal value to get paid. What people are doing now, is likely to heavily limit their options in the future, making them very, very disposable.
This is actually quite scary as what was considered normal is no longer normal as we are now a minority. If you cannot talk to people what chances do you have in life as this was a natural part of our behavior that is disappearing. There are going to be plenty of single people in the future if they cannot communicate.
People think we are evolving - but our brains and our bodies do not evolve that fast - even though our technical creations might.
Firstly, nothing is becoming real in this generation anymore and I guess I should say that we easily get carried away. We tend to see little children who will say they don't make friends but they can be on their phone from morning till night and it is not even good for their eyes...
A lot of people even cherish phones more than lives and it should not be like that
I think we're failing our kids in all kinds of ways. As a teacher - albeit one who's retired from full time classroom teaching and is now a glorified babysitter - I obviously have access to firsthand accounts and anecdotes about the 'kids of today' and the 'covid kids' coming up. Certainly here in Australia, the 'covid kids' are a real worry, especially as schools are really, really struggling to fill positions and teachers are overworked and thus they fall further behind in literacy and numeracy as well as social education.
Schools have a responsibility to teach interpersonal relationships explicitly as part of the curriculum, but I'm afraid it's not always done very well. Smallsteps is lucky to have a Dad like you to do this, but many don't. It's like everyone is dropping the ball and ignoring the fact that community and connection is even more important than a university entrance score (here in Australia), especially with mental health issues the way they are at teh moment and will continue to be in the foreseeable future.
Very good article @tarazkp.
You would see many kids sitting at one place and all of them playing game in their mobile, they are all connected but not connected deeply. On the remote work, I think, its more challenging because one has to make sure, he does not end up spending a lot sitting alone and forget the world. I have been working remote since last 11 years, but then I make sure, I balance out. Exercise, taking kids to school, meeting friends often and spending some time without any digital exposure....Once it becomes a practice, you know you are in control.