In marriage, everything changes. You no longer think for yourself alone, you think for two
And that is why prenuptial agreement is signed before marriage not after that š
While I get your philosophy on love, the practicality raises questions. I claim to love someone but is there a tool to gauge the truthfulness behind my claim. I might turn horrible to the person after marriage. There may be a range of reasons for a marriage not work. In that case, isn't it wise to know on what terms the relationship is going to be ended?
Hello Amber. š„°
Philosophy? Well, if thatās what you think of it then Iād say okay, hehe.
Anyways, marriage is something that wasnāt designed by man like I mentioned, so the moment we try to make it work with our ideas, it is not going to get any better trust me.
I understand that people change and that is why the agreement anyone who wishes to get married should be focused on having is one that concerns what their idea of marriage is. Know how your partner views marriage, if he doesnāt recognize the one who instituted marriage in the first place, then I donāt see why you should still go ahead with that marriage because you are definitely going to have problems and that is when making these other agreements start coming it but interestingly, that still wonāt solve the problem.
Iām not married, so there is no practical evidence for you that all I have said is how it should be but then, for me, I believe marriage is something that requires faith even in the midst of so many uncertainties. It is not a place promised to be all rosy, there are definitely going to be thorns somewhere. And like I concluded, when it comes to marriage, as much as we can, we should remove our human perspectives from it because we didnāt ordain it and also, there will always be something that makes sense in every perspectives of ours.
Thanks for your thought provoking input. š„°
Perhaps I should have said perspective instead of philosophy. It happens when we communicate in second language. Don't mind, please.
I also believe so. Marriage is a gift to humans on earth by God Himself.
Recently I judged a LOH contest. From there I realized Christianity has a different take on about marriage than Islam. In Christian faith, once married means to protect it until death. There is no way to get out of the relationship. Correct me if I am wrong here.
In Islam also, marriage is considered really sacred. Nevertheless, it allows to end the relationship and there are proper and detailed guidelines about how this relationship should be ended respectfully and what kind of facilities the man is supposed to provide the woman. If you are interested in knowing Islamic perspective here is the link of a video lecture
https://www.youtube.com/live/jx2NetMfQn8?si=oGww6WzXHBPGwncE
Let me tell you one thing here. While Qur'anic guidelines are pretty clear about divorce, our culture and I think all the Muslim cultures see divorce as ugly. Moreover, I think no culture follows them as they are given to us. Some individuals might be following those guidelines on their own.
About my perspective on marriage, I also want to mention that it is not necessary for any of the partner be a bad person in order for a marriage to not work. Sometimes, two really nice people can also not get along with each other.
I understand you. š„°
According to the Bible, a man(woman) can only put his wife(husband) away on the ground of infidelity and yes, I recently listened to a podcast where an Islamic lady talked about something similar.
For the fact that we donāt follow these teachings we profess, that alone is us calling problems for ourselves except we donāt even believe in the first place. We always try to play smart but in the real sense, we are not.
Thatās right. The person doesnāt have to be a bad person for you to leave them. Not having the same interests and goals might be enough reason for some to know that someone might not be for them. But all of these should happen before anyone even thinks of marriage. There are some things we shouldnāt try to figure out in marriage.
When we met someone we have interest in settling down with, one thing we should ask ourselves is, can I be with them forever? The moment we ask that question, that moment we will start asking more questions to be sure we are making the right choices because, there are other important things to learn about in marriage too. You donāt want to carry over a course, you will only increase your workload and that will sometimes make you want to quit.
I get you, Hope, on the point that things should be sorted and thought out before marriage. There are many things that SHOULD BE, but life, in practicality, is pretty complex. In order to move on We need to figure out what we are supposed to do when what SHOULD NOT happen, happens.
At times, despite having all the good intentions, despite being genuine and truthful, despite asking and answering all the important questions to us relationships go towards a failure. Life happens. You never know
True, very true. We can never figure everything out all at once. There are even sometimes I do things that I even feel surprised that I could do something like that. People change and that is because of what they think about. If we can fix our thoughts (which we most times donāt find easy to do), we will fix so many other problems too.
No matter how well we have planned things, it can always go south and that is why personally for me, I just put everything into Godās hands and be rest assured that challenges will come but at least I have someone who is going to be with me through those challenges and it will be even more better if my partner does the same (this is where having the same interests, beliefs and faith comes in).
Iām not denying the fact that all Iām saying is hard and that what we are going through is not real. It is very real, but that doesnāt mean we should just sit back and settle for anything that comes or for the new normal. Itās just like traveling to a place but in a wrong direction. The moment you realize that you are on the wrong path, normally you should turn back but then, some people can still choose to continue on that wrong path because they feel they have strayed for too long.
Talking things out before getting married doesnāt mean everything will be perfect, it is just you preparing yourself for what is to come because it will definitely come. But once you are married, never forget it is for better and for worst, it shouldnāt be one sided (which is what we see these days, just the good). When it gets hard, it doesnāt mean you should quit, it means something even more beautiful is about to happen but that is if you can pass through that phase successfully.
Thereās always a way of escape, if you donāt know that way (which we donāt), ask God, he knows it. š
Yeah, marraige is a team work. Marraige means to stand with each other in both the good situations and adverse. However, what if you are putting your 100 percent but the other side doesn't. None of us can make anyone else to adopt the perspectives we keep. I don't see anything wrong in the preparedness in the form of a legal agreement.
Lemme tell you something. I am married and I had a time where I was desperate about the relationship. Had I not have faith on God, I might have gone astray. Yes, the faith helps. I agree.
Nonetheless, I have witnessed cases where the women have been seriously deprived and been left out empty handedly. Despite all their efforts to keep up with the relation they got nothing but misery. A legal agreement might come to their security bit that was never planned.
My faith teaches me to be practical, not just being paasively wait for the things to happen
Wishing you a good day ahead, sister
My faith also teaches me to be practical too. If Iām not, then that is on me.
Well, from what I say here, I believe one thing that can help us as women is to always have something doing. Never depend on the man for everything even though that is his job. We are helpmates to our husbands and for me, that means we should have something tangible doing just in case something happens.
Going into marriage as a woman without having any means of livelihood might be a problem. Depending on the kind of partner you have, never use your money until you know that your husband really needs help.
My faith teaches me that the man should love his wife as he is the head of the woman and the woman should be submissive to her husband but when she is not or the man doesnāt love her, then that is a problem.
I believe that we all know what the right thing is, we just fail to do it or ignore it for too long that it just doesnāt matter anymore. I donāt know what my marriage life is going to be like but I know that I will have a lot of battles to fight. If having a legal agreement is something that one sees as a way to protect themselves, then they should do it but Iām very sure that wonāt solve the problems they think it will solve.
Have a beautiful day too, Amber. ā¤ļø
And I wish you a Happy new month. š„°
Hello there, Amber. First off, I'm sorry for barging in here. I've got a question, please.
If you need a tool to gauge the truthfulness, is that really love?
There is no need to be sorry. The comment section is designed for this very purpose. To present and debate on our perspectives.
So comming to your question
This is exactly what I am saying. How do you know that I truly love. I may claim to love and behave like loving but not being truthful in my claim. Isnāt that a possibility practically? (I am not talking about an idealistic situation)