Let’s all pause for a minute and think. Why will anyone say love is not enough for a marriage to work? Well, that for me is due to some obvious reasons, but the major reason is that, we are defining love based on our human knowledge. And, that’s why I’m here to remind you, so it’s cool. Love is a lot of things as people will want to define it but then, let me also remind you that in one of those many definitions, Love is God. And when it comes to any relationship at all, especially marriage, if you are defining love as something else besides that, you are obviously going to get a lot of things wrong.
Now, let’s ask that question again, Is love enough? I’m very sure you must have given a solid yes to it or not, well that’s on you. So, let’s talk about marriage a little. I’m not married but then, I have seen a lot of marriages, I have heard stories and I have read if not any book, the Holy Bible about what marriage is, and how it should be according to the one who designed it. The truth is, to an extent, it is safe to say marriage is one of the most hardest union to make work today but that is not necessarily because it is hard, it is only because, we fail to use the manual from the manufacturer.
Most times, as humans we try to play smart and think we know better but guess what? It’s only a matter of time before we know better. Personally, I know how many times I try to couple a product together without looking at the manual and I only remember there is a manual when I have tried multiple times and failed, which is what most of us do today. We only run back to the manufacturer’s manual when we have tried multiple times and it does not work out. And sadly, we do that a lot even with marriage, so I wonder why we think everything will work out well.
Okay, I think that is more than enough on marriage. Let’s talk about love. The Oxford Dictionary defines love as "A strong feeling of affection, attachment, or devotion to a person, place, or thing." The Holy Bible defines describes love as "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." Now, when we compare these two definitions, we can see that the actual love we all wish for is the one the Bible describes but then, we still view love as a strong feeling of affection, attachment and what have you.
Anyways, let’s move to the next. What is a prenuptial agreement? According to the Oxford Dictionary, a prenuptial agreement is "A formal agreement made between two people before they get married, typically dealing with financial matters and the division of property in the event of divorce or death." Based on this definition, I see so many things not right about the whole idea about this relating to what marriage should be. Marriage, according to the Designer, is a union that makes a man and a woman one. What does this tells us? If you are not ready to be one with another person then you shouldn’t be thinking about marriage.
Where am I going with all of these? Well, I’m just trying to draw us back to the manual we’ve neglected for too long. Because the truth is, more terms will keep coming up as long as we choose to ignore the actual pattern of things. Interestingly, the more we ignore the manual, the more we will keep struggling to couple things well and at some point we might just settle for whatever we see. Remember, a prenuptial agreement is a “Formal Agreement” and now I’m wondering how you’d be formal with yourself because, if you are formal with your husband or wife, it means you are formal with yourself. If peradventure you are actually formal with yourself, you know that is not really okay.
In marriage, everything changes. You no longer think for yourself alone, you think for two. You no longer do whatever makes you happy, you do what makes two happy. In marriage there is no room to be selfish, the moment you become selfish, the moment the whole idea stops making sense. Just know that, as long as you have the manufacturer’s manual and you follow through with it, you will get the desired look of what you ordered. Trust me, at first it will seem so difficult but it will definitely get easier as long as you follow the instructions rightly.
So, yes, love is enough because having love means you have all the detailed guidelines of what you need to make your marriage work and that is because, Love is God and he has given us directions on how to go about things. Mind you, I would have easily made my opinion about this but then, I didn’t invent marriage so my opinion doesn’t count, oops!
Thanks for reading through. ❤️
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And that is why prenuptial agreement is signed before marriage not after that 😉
While I get your philosophy on love, the practicality raises questions. I claim to love someone but is there a tool to gauge the truthfulness behind my claim. I might turn horrible to the person after marriage. There may be a range of reasons for a marriage not work. In that case, isn't it wise to know on what terms the relationship is going to be ended?
Hello Amber. 🥰
Philosophy? Well, if that’s what you think of it then I’d say okay, hehe.
Anyways, marriage is something that wasn’t designed by man like I mentioned, so the moment we try to make it work with our ideas, it is not going to get any better trust me.
I understand that people change and that is why the agreement anyone who wishes to get married should be focused on having is one that concerns what their idea of marriage is. Know how your partner views marriage, if he doesn’t recognize the one who instituted marriage in the first place, then I don’t see why you should still go ahead with that marriage because you are definitely going to have problems and that is when making these other agreements start coming it but interestingly, that still won’t solve the problem.
I’m not married, so there is no practical evidence for you that all I have said is how it should be but then, for me, I believe marriage is something that requires faith even in the midst of so many uncertainties. It is not a place promised to be all rosy, there are definitely going to be thorns somewhere. And like I concluded, when it comes to marriage, as much as we can, we should remove our human perspectives from it because we didn’t ordain it and also, there will always be something that makes sense in every perspectives of ours.
Thanks for your thought provoking input. 🥰
Perhaps I should have said perspective instead of philosophy. It happens when we communicate in second language. Don't mind, please.
I also believe so. Marriage is a gift to humans on earth by God Himself.
Recently I judged a LOH contest. From there I realized Christianity has a different take on about marriage than Islam. In Christian faith, once married means to protect it until death. There is no way to get out of the relationship. Correct me if I am wrong here.
In Islam also, marriage is considered really sacred. Nevertheless, it allows to end the relationship and there are proper and detailed guidelines about how this relationship should be ended respectfully and what kind of facilities the man is supposed to provide the woman. If you are interested in knowing Islamic perspective here is the link of a video lecture
https://www.youtube.com/live/jx2NetMfQn8?si=oGww6WzXHBPGwncE
Let me tell you one thing here. While Qur'anic guidelines are pretty clear about divorce, our culture and I think all the Muslim cultures see divorce as ugly. Moreover, I think no culture follows them as they are given to us. Some individuals might be following those guidelines on their own.
About my perspective on marriage, I also want to mention that it is not necessary for any of the partner be a bad person in order for a marriage to not work. Sometimes, two really nice people can also not get along with each other.
I understand you. 🥰
According to the Bible, a man(woman) can only put his wife(husband) away on the ground of infidelity and yes, I recently listened to a podcast where an Islamic lady talked about something similar.
For the fact that we don’t follow these teachings we profess, that alone is us calling problems for ourselves except we don’t even believe in the first place. We always try to play smart but in the real sense, we are not.
That’s right. The person doesn’t have to be a bad person for you to leave them. Not having the same interests and goals might be enough reason for some to know that someone might not be for them. But all of these should happen before anyone even thinks of marriage. There are some things we shouldn’t try to figure out in marriage.
When we met someone we have interest in settling down with, one thing we should ask ourselves is, can I be with them forever? The moment we ask that question, that moment we will start asking more questions to be sure we are making the right choices because, there are other important things to learn about in marriage too. You don’t want to carry over a course, you will only increase your workload and that will sometimes make you want to quit.
I get you, Hope, on the point that things should be sorted and thought out before marriage. There are many things that SHOULD BE, but life, in practicality, is pretty complex. In order to move on We need to figure out what we are supposed to do when what SHOULD NOT happen, happens.
At times, despite having all the good intentions, despite being genuine and truthful, despite asking and answering all the important questions to us relationships go towards a failure. Life happens. You never know
True, very true. We can never figure everything out all at once. There are even sometimes I do things that I even feel surprised that I could do something like that. People change and that is because of what they think about. If we can fix our thoughts (which we most times don’t find easy to do), we will fix so many other problems too.
No matter how well we have planned things, it can always go south and that is why personally for me, I just put everything into God’s hands and be rest assured that challenges will come but at least I have someone who is going to be with me through those challenges and it will be even more better if my partner does the same (this is where having the same interests, beliefs and faith comes in).
I’m not denying the fact that all I’m saying is hard and that what we are going through is not real. It is very real, but that doesn’t mean we should just sit back and settle for anything that comes or for the new normal. It’s just like traveling to a place but in a wrong direction. The moment you realize that you are on the wrong path, normally you should turn back but then, some people can still choose to continue on that wrong path because they feel they have strayed for too long.
Talking things out before getting married doesn’t mean everything will be perfect, it is just you preparing yourself for what is to come because it will definitely come. But once you are married, never forget it is for better and for worst, it shouldn’t be one sided (which is what we see these days, just the good). When it gets hard, it doesn’t mean you should quit, it means something even more beautiful is about to happen but that is if you can pass through that phase successfully.
There’s always a way of escape, if you don’t know that way (which we don’t), ask God, he knows it. 😊
Yeah, marraige is a team work. Marraige means to stand with each other in both the good situations and adverse. However, what if you are putting your 100 percent but the other side doesn't. None of us can make anyone else to adopt the perspectives we keep. I don't see anything wrong in the preparedness in the form of a legal agreement.
Lemme tell you something. I am married and I had a time where I was desperate about the relationship. Had I not have faith on God, I might have gone astray. Yes, the faith helps. I agree.
Nonetheless, I have witnessed cases where the women have been seriously deprived and been left out empty handedly. Despite all their efforts to keep up with the relation they got nothing but misery. A legal agreement might come to their security bit that was never planned.
My faith teaches me to be practical, not just being paasively wait for the things to happen
Wishing you a good day ahead, sister
Hello there, Amber. First off, I'm sorry for barging in here. I've got a question, please.
If you need a tool to gauge the truthfulness, is that really love?
There is no need to be sorry. The comment section is designed for this very purpose. To present and debate on our perspectives.
So comming to your question
This is exactly what I am saying. How do you know that I truly love. I may claim to love and behave like loving but not being truthful in my claim. Isn’t that a possibility practically? (I am not talking about an idealistic situation)
Many people define marriage as not enough just love, to be honest I am married and many new things I encounter after marriage, new problems I will face as best as possible so that our relationship remains humorous, selfishness is one of the big causes of the household, if someone is selfish, problem after problem will come to the couple.
Marriage is one of the bonds that establish two couples who love each other, complement each other and keep each other's feelings lain.ini in my opinion 😊
I’m glad you are married, so I believe you can relate better with what I have said if you are honest about things. Even myself, I can’t relate.
And yes, being selfish is the start of everything failing.
Thanks for stopping by. 🤗
Of course I have been married for almost five years, and no matter how heavy the problem is, there is still a solution if we want this relationship to stay together, there is no one in the bond who expects divorce, there is no point in marriage.
You're welcome my friend 😊
Exactly! If you love your partner as you should, you both will always find a solution to every problem, together. 🥰
Oh babe, you just won my heart. I agree absolutely with you, the manual is all we need when it comes to defining what should and shouldn't be in marriage. A lot of us go into the institution without first looking into this manual but go so far to learn from random books who end up sharing their own experience and we forget that no two persons are the same.
Love is just enough to keep one in union and the love is God's kind of love
That’s exactly it, we prefer to read some other books written by different people who have both failed and successful marriages than consult the one who instituted the whole process.
I’m glad we both share the same view on this. Thanks for your beautiful comment. 🌹
If we go back to the manual, we will eventually realize that love should be enough, but to start with, how many people consult the manual before falling in love? We all most times depend on the rush of feelings and make decisions based on it.
Exactly why we have these problems and guess what? More will still come until we get something that looks like the real thing but isn’t.
I hope when I finally agree to settle down, I don’t forget to always consult the manual first because what happened to others will also end up happening to me and I will start seeing reasons for settling for what is not the right thing to do.
Thanks for your comment, dear.
Thank you. 🥰
Hey there, Hopey. You know, after we had discussed this topic, I thought about some things. “What if these kids don’t know what they are saying? What if marriage is more complicated than that? What if there is more to do it? What if we are interpreting it on the surface level?”
I agree wit you that love is enough to keep a marriage. Love comes with trust. Love comes with commitment. Love comes with sacrifices. If you truly love someone, I don’t think there's need for a prenuptial agreement.
My love, the truth is, we will always have that fear that we might be wrong and that is why, for me, I prefer to always look at things from how God sees it and not my perspective because I know as humans, we all have our own different perspectives about things.
Well said! Trust, commitment and faith is what gives us the assurance that love is enough so we just have to work on them. 🥰
Thank you, for your beautiful contribution, my darling. ❤️
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Thank you. 🥰
The problem is people mistake love for feelings. You can't hurt what you love.
I agree with you. Love is not a feeling in any way. For me, it is more of an action, it has to be seen and not felt.
Thank you for this amazing perception of love, marriage and prenuptial agreement.
An aged man in his late 80s recently told me that marriage is a room with only one door, one entry and no exit (at least biblically) and extreme caution must be taken before venturing into one.
Prenuptial agreement makes the relationship formal I must agree with you and rather than feeling secured with your partner, you keep getting worried your partner has a edge or leverage against you.
Indeed! We always quote that part of the Bible that says, what God has joined together, let no man put asunder but sometimes, those in the “together” forgets that they can also be the ones putting asunder to their own union.
Of course, signing such an agreement will never make their mind at peace because you will always be worried of the day when you will have to use it. I mean, it was signed to be used.
Thank you for your contribution, I’m grateful. 🥰
Partners are part owners. Thank you
I like that sentence.
You’re welcome. ☺️
Thank you. 🥰
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Thank you for the update, Buzzy. 🥰
I’m happy it is. 🥹
I believe love is enough,and that is when it is the right kind, the selfless, patient, and enduring type that the Creator designed. To me, the problem isn’t love itself, it’s how we define and actually practice it. Marriage thrives on commitment not contract and when love is genuine, everything else tallys..
Thanks for sharing.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Well said. I’m always happy when I get responses like this because it proves to me that there are still people out there who know the truth are accept it. 🥰
I’m honored to have you stop by. 🤗
Awwwn, this got me speechless.
Thanks , am honored too.
Do have a wonderful month.
You too. Have a blessed month. 🥰
🤝