Movies have been lying
Songs have been lying
Advertisements have been lying
Love is NOT all you need
But that is the LIE sold to people in Canada and the United States. Find that special someone, commit to them, and enjoy your life together in bliss. No wonder the divorce rates are so high!
- 38% Divorce rate in Canada
- almost 50% Divorce rate in United States!
My advice to any couple who wants to get married.
And the Bible even backs me up on this point.
1 Corinthians 7:8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.
You may be of the opinion that I don't know anything about marriage:
You may then think that I just have a bad marriage or bad wife:
Then you may argue that I'm just unhappy with my current situation and blame being married for it.
So What Am I Complaining About?
Nothing
I thank God for my wife, my family and my home. I have been truly blessed and couldn't have asked for more. However, my wife has asked if I would marry again if I was widowed and my answer is a flat out NO.
She doesn't believe me of course. I will stand by my answer though.
Why wouldn't I remarry. Why do I say not to get married?
I'll answer that but I think I should define marriage first. In Canada I would say that there are two definitions of marriage:
- What the government of Canada says it is
- What the Bible says it is.
They are very different definitions. The government allows two people to make a public declaration that they wish to live as one. Two men, two women, a man and woman or, well, any other combinations of two people you can come up with. If you love someone, want to call them your mate, companion and friend for life. Great the government says you are married. I'll also personally wish you all the best for love and happiness in the future.
BUT
The Bible has a different definition.
Matthew 19:4-6 "He answered, 'Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh"? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.'"
In this definition there is One man--The husband. One woman--The wife.
Looking further it says the two shall become one AND that they should not be separated. I really didn't understand this idea well when I got married. I figured I'd be me, she'd be her and we'd live happily ever after. However, what it really means that there is no more me...it's we. There is no more me its us.
But that goes for everything in my life (or should I say our life?). There is no more me time for playing video games. It is no longer my bank account. Even my body is no longer truly my own as my wife doesn't want me putting coca-cola into it.
Everything I see in today's society is that its all about personal satisfaction. It's all about being my best life. It's all about personal gratification. If I don't like it why should I let it happen? None of that goes with the Biblical version of marriage.
From my point of view I just don't see people willing to give up their self enough for marriage to be a viable option in today's culture. At least not in the Western culture.
But I'll give up myself for them! I love them so much
Are you really sure about that? Think about that question and read this next part before you give your answer. The Bible also makes things way more demanding. Do you seriously think you are up for the task?
GUYS
Okay women... for your eyes only.
Ephesians 5:22-24:"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
Consider those words carefully. Does that seriously sound like something you are interested in? Those words have been use to batter women for centuries and commit horrible injustices by men who didn't get the message that they weren't supposed to read it.
However, as tough as that is on women. I would argue that men have it worse. Don't believe me. Well, listen to what I have to tell them and the standard I believe I have to live up to.
Okay guys...this is your part
Ephesians 5:25:"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her........
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies."
Now don't blow this off and say I love her. That will be easy!
Consider it VERY carefully.
Have you considered how much Jesus gave up for the church?
- He suffered verbal abuse for his teachings
- We was homeless to witness to everyone
- He was crucified for a crime he did not commit for his church.
and to make it even tougher...
The church: - Did not love him many times
- Strayed away from him many times.
Okay men I will ask you this question.
Would you stand by your wife and suffer verbal abuse for her? Give up your home for her? Give up your life for her?
and now comes the hard part
- Even if she doesn't love you?
- Even if she isn't faithful to you?
Yeah. I didn't think so
But wait! There's a second half to the verse!
You get to treat her needs as equal to your own. When she's hungry...your hungry. When she's tired....your tired. When she feels a deep need to talk about what happened at work you have a deep need to listen. When she feels the need to hang out with her parents, you have a need to hang out with your parents in law. Remember: you aren't your own now. Equal partners and her desires are equal to your own.
Scared yet?
There's MORE.
Jesus guides the church. He is there to make sure it follows the right path as a perfect example-- to make it enriched and better. To set this example husbands have to do their very best to find the right path for the family and be a blameless role model. Drinking? Smoking? Flirting with other women? Sleeping late? Being lazy? Sorry guys those are all the wrong path. You can say goodbye to all of those!
Finally a little dig at the end
Men..we are commanded to love our wives. Our wives are NOT commanded to love us. It's not fair but that is what's written.
How to sum this up?
I've been married for 23 years now.
When I got married I believed the stories and fell for the lies told to me by society. I didn't realize what I was getting into.
The longer I was married the more I understood what was involved to truly be a husband in the way the Bible wants me to be. I've learned that I am woefully ill equipped to do that job. I fail at it regularly.
However, I'm still married. My wife supports me. I keep trying to be follow the gold standard that the Bible presents knowing that I'll never truly measure up.
In return I have a wife and children I love. A home filled with love. Success far beyond what I ever imagined. A future I am looking forward to and someone special to spend it with.
But it's a far bigger Fight than anyone will ever tell you. Harder than any job I've ever had. It will take devotion and stubborness to make it work. I've been blessed and lucky enough to make it work...
Love is certainly part of it.
..... but Love certainly isn't enough!
Thanks for reading.
..... and if you insist on getting married. Pray hard and try to work together. It's quite a journey.
Well i think being separated isnt really a sin especially if the marriage is not favourable to you in anyway possible, even the bible said love your neighbor as yourself
After going through this article, I have to pause moment to absorb it. This is not something casual for anyone to just read and go. It something to read and ponder upon daily.
Seriously marriage is a big task, it is a place of responsibility and not what many take it to be today, no wonder many go divorce after marriage. I am just so happy I come to this light today.
To be truly ready for marriage is to be willing to carry the cross of crucifixion and keep moving no matter what comes by. That portion of loving your wife as Christ loves the church is where the problem comes in. Is it really possible? If we can really do that then the issue of divorce will never be heard in the world, I think the word wouldn't have even existed at all.
I wish all men and women would come to this understanding before embarking on the journey of marriage.
Hehe....
I could have written more but it was already longer than most people would want to read.
Can anyone ever match the standard that the Bible sets out? The quick answer is .... no... not possible. I think that's part of the point. Without God helping out it is not humanly possible to match the standard. However, with God all things are possible..... even being a good husband! Of course, perfect is out of the question but I'll keep striving for good enough.
IF a man actually DOES live up to the standard I think it would be a lot easier for women to live up to the obey your husband half. Following someone who is totally devoted to making you a better person? Someone who's only goal is the advancement of the family unit? Someone who is genuinely interested in your wellbeing, your safety, helping you be the best you can be, who sets a perfect example. Way easier to follow that guy than some guy sitting on the couch ordering his wife around.
As for the divorce not existing if people followed it at its core... Consider this verse:
God knows that people are imperfect. Some more than others. Divorce is a concession to that imperfection and a mercy to those stuck in a bad relationship.
As for all people following the high standard of marriage? For those who aren't Christian it is a very foolish notion. For those who are Christian it is a daunting task. That's why I wish there were different words to separate a civil union from a marriage. However, there isn't.
So I wish anyone getting married...Good Luck. It's a tough but rewarding journey. Either the best path or the worst one you will ever take.
Your knowledge of the scripture really puts me in awe. You must have dwelt so long with the word.
You have dealt with a lot about marriage here, touching almost all that needs to be touched.
If only we can stick to the word of God the journey of marriage wouldn't be a failure as it is in some homes..
Amen for the good wish, I pray for a better wife and a better home
Haha...
I wish you could join my church group here in Canada. I know what is in the Bible but often has to search for it kind of like "I know its there somewhere". In my church I can mention the statement I'm looking for and he'll know the verse by memory. It's really impressive.
Example: The verse where Paul is teaching and he's so boring a young man falls asleep and falls out a window! I know its there, our group leader knew the book, chapter and verse in less than a second. .....also proof that teachers have been boring throughout history hahaha
I really wish I could join, I want to know more of the word.
You see it never occurred to me that Paul's message was boring to the young man that was why he slept off and fell. My thoughts never got there... 😆
Haha... Paul went on preaching all night long. People are just people, even the best get tired if the teacher doesn't take a break every now and again 😄
If you really want to know more of the word perhaps I'll make a mission for you in the #frugal community someday. I'll pay for you and some friends to get some snacks and watch my church service online---then give me your viewpoints both GOOD and BAD.
Otherwise just send me a topic and I'll do my best to answer....But I think I'll have to invade one of the Christian communities if I do that 😆
I am already being excited on that.. I can't wait for that day.. the word of God can't be exhausted I don't think you will harm any community if you do that.. we are all looking for where to grow and be better christians
This is very nice, I like how u used the bible to address the issue of marriage without sounding too preachy/religious. You nailed the fundamentals.
Marriage is for those that are ready for whatever comes with it, and as you've highlighted, mere love and affection may not be enough!
Someday #Hive Learners are going to ban me for religious content because I believe they have it banned. Until then I'll stick to my beliefs and backup my viewpoints as best I can. Thanks for reading and for the comment.
Honestly I'm all for marriage as it is intended. I just think the meaning has changed over time, viewpoints have changed over time, and now its far more difficult than most people think when they sign up
It's interesting that you've managed to shield yourself from the ideologies about life prevalent in the West. I guess it would be very difficult sticking to your beliefs and dealing with the numerous conflicting ideologies being thrown at you over there.
With respect to HL, I think they should be more discerning to recognize when the bible is being referred to as a reference material and as an authority just like every other books, and when someone is promoting religion. It's a tough balance though, but its doable.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
The longer I think about this, the longer the sigh.
Marriage is indeed a hard work more than what we have taught it to be.
Thank you for the fair analysis for both gender and for been a role model worthy or emulation.
I worry that my post may have been overly critical about marriage. However, I'd rather people go into marriage expecting the worst and then finding out that it is actually so rewarding in ways that they never expected.
I think that society has placed too much value on self, happiness and love. Too little value on devotion, hard work, co-operation and self-sacrifice. As a result the view or marriage is very different than the reality of marriage.
Marriage done right is beautiful!
As for a fair analysis for both gender....hahaha.... I deliberately avoided the ladies role in marriage as much as I could. I've been married long enough to know I will never understand women. As for being a role model....I'm just a pale copy of the one I'm supposed to be. However, I keep trying.
Thanks for reading and thanks for the kind words.
You will never understand women.
That statement never stops to amuse me.
We aren't that difficult but I don't understand myself either 😂😂😂😃🤓
Hmm...
Perhaps I should say that I never know which wife will show up at any given time. There is grumpy wife, sleepy wife, energetic wife, bored wife, happy wife..... they all look like my wife but all require handling in a different way.
Sometimes I just never know who will show up at any given time 😉