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While sitting in the midst of the embraces of his wife and all his seven grandchildren after eight weeks away from the grandchildren, Robert Edward Ludlow Sr., retired Army captain, remembered a conversation he had with someone who had served with him.
“You are braver than I am, Captain. I can face a thousand enemies on the battlefield, but I'm not about to let people experiment on me – especially on my mind.”
At that moment Capt. Ludlow was glad he had recovered himself from his slide back into practicing racism so that he could hear what was really going on. Lt. Shaw's uncle, Herman, was one of the few survivors of the Tuskegee Experiment, in which Black men were purposefully infected with syphilis so the course of the disease could be followed. The experiment had gone until 1974, only 46 years from this conversation in 2020, so while people liked to think the U.S. government had only done such things in the distant past, no. Lt. Shaw himself was almost old enough to be alive when the experiment was still going on.
At that moment, Capt. Ludlow also realized another reason why health disparities between men like him and men like Lt. Shaw were so big. Never in life had Capt. Ludlow to worry about being made an experiment for just showing up – not that it could not happen, but it was not part of his cultural legacy to bear on that side.
So, Capt. Ludlow took a long moment before responding to Lt. Shaw.
“Well, history being what it is on our respective sides of the color line,” he said, “I probably don't think as much about being experimented on. White privilege is a thing, and I respect why your perspective would be different. I'm not braver. I just have less that I know I need to worry about.”
The captain saw the lieutenant start to breathe a little easier.
“Let me tell you what does worry me, though,” the captain said. “I suppose I do not need to explain to you, since you watch the news, my family's propensity to violence.”
“I was surprised you turned your Slocum-Bolling uncles in for their murders,” the lieutenant said, “but then again, I served with you, and you went hard for every color of the rainbow, so, I wasn't as surprised as I would have been.”
“I was raised half by racists, half by true humanitarians – I just have to be careful not to slide back,” Capt. Ludlow said. “Especially now – I have seven little ones watching me. The world needs more true humanitarians, so I have to get my life together.
“You see, Lieutenant, the experiment I'm personally running is Ludlow Family 2.0, and my family is doing the experiment with me. The problem is, there's been a war in my head ever since my uncles made me witness their murders at five years old. And then, we served together, so you know: I do not have a problem with dispatching any kind of enemy, and I'm still a captain instead of a major or colonel because I had no problem dispatching the ego of a few majors, colonels, and generals when they would have gotten themselves and us killed.”
“Quiet as it is kept,” Lt. Shaw said, “someone of high rank is agitating to get that corrected.”
“Now who would be dumb enough to make me a colonel – well, maybe only in retirement,” the future colonel said. “I loved being a captain – it was the perfect punishment for me!
“But here is what I am saying, Lieutenant: you know I earned my nickname 'Hell to Pay,' and I made everybody pay for messing with me and us. You saw what I did to my own uncles when I remembered – it didn't take me two weeks to make up my mind. I remembered and they were gone in two days. So, that's me, Robert Edward 'Hell to Pay' Ludlow, on an experiment to see if I can be a loving grandfather now serving as old father to seven little ones who in eight years will all be teenagers, developing independence and therefore not at all following orders.”
“OH!” Lt. Shaw said. “I get it, Captain. Yeah … you know, when you put it that way … yeah, you better do everything you can to get ready for that … seven … I just had two and yeah. But here's what you can do: if you foster a sense of responsibility and achievement and confidence in them, and be real honest with them about life things, they won't wild out as much because they will be getting what they need largely from you.”
“Let me write that down – it's what Thalia and I are trying to do, but mainly because we are old and they may have to take care of themselves sooner than others.”
“You're seriously writing it down,” the lieutenant said. “You're seriously taking my advice – and I'm lower rank, younger, and Black.”
“Yes, I know we are in Virginia, and neither of us are used to this, all the way into 2020,” Capt. Ludlow said, “but when a man is in my situation, he can't afford to stand on rank or race – and that is why I am going in for this EMDR thing for eight weeks. I know my situation.”
“You got us out of some bad spots, knowing the situation,” the lieutenant said. “I'm sure you're going to be able to do the same thing for Ludlow Family 2.0, because I see the commitment to something bigger than your ego. We always saw that about you – big ego, but not egotistical.”
The lieutenant started laughing.
“Remember that time when we rescued Major Krumpler and unit from his own bad planning?”
Capt. Ludlow did a double facepalm, and the lieutenant laughed.
“What you said is why you and your family are going to make it, Captain. You with that huge bass, explaining to that fool, 'Major, I don't even like you. I don't like the look or the smell of you, and frankly, if we were civilians I would have knocked you down in the street and backed my car up over you a few times. But because we are brothers in this army, since I can't run over you, nobody can – I just took out how I can't stand you on the enemy.' ”
“And they still gave him a promotion,” Capt. Ludlow said, “which is why I was glad I didn't get to be a major or a colonel. I don't do well with incompetent colleagues, and I was already trying to find my car keys on more days than anyone but the Lord knows. But see, that's me and adults, and I'm rough on adults. Meanwhile, my grandkids have to become adults while I am getting old – so I have to get over myself, and love them right.”
“And you will, sir, I'm sure, because you know we gave you another nickname,” the lieutenant said.
“Really?” the captain said.
“Capt. Robert Edward 'Whatever It Takes' Ludlow,” the lieutenant said.
“Now, I can work with that in my old age!” Capt. Ludlow said. “That's it – whatever it takes – and that's why I'm doing the therapy!”
Eight weeks later, physically surrounded by the love of all the people he was willing to do whatever it took for, Capt. Ludlow knew it was all worth it.
Later that day, Lt. Shaw would call.
“I want you to know I'm in therapy for my PTSD, Captain,” he said. “Thanks for the inspiration, one human being to another.”
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Thank you!
I am in shock they did this until 1974, I hate to even write the words "our government" were experimenting it makes me feel ill. That would mean even President Kennedy knew about it, and now I see him differently.
More than 100 men died from this treatable disease. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuskegee_Syphilis_Study
The article says it went on from 32 until 72 but I would guess they kept doing it for another 2 years.
So Capt Lunlow might become Colonel Lundow, I love it.
I might be wrong on the year ... it could be 1972, because accounts vary a little ... folks died at different rates, sadly ... still a mere 52 years ago. I am going off the memory of when the real Herman Shaw, one of the last survivors, received a medal from President Clinton for surviving. Mr. Shaw was one of two suitors to be my great uncle, not even knowing what would have happened to any family he and my aunt had ... so that's how I learned about the Tuskegee Experiment. But, as it happened, God protected Mr. Shaw. He was about 93 when he received his award. His body successfully defeated the disease, and he looked hearty and hale. I could see why my great-aunt used to run through the house and put on extra perfume, 70 years earlier -- he was still handsome. So, one ending as happy as it can be, out of such a tragedy ... and here I have modeled what could be an honest, healing conversation about these hard issues.
I mean no disrespect to Mr Shaw and what he went through, and I am sure he is proud of his medal from President Clinton, but giving a medal for surviving something you did to me does not sit well with me. I hope they did more than the medal. In my eyes it is like here: Drink this poison. If you survive, I will give you a medal.