Of all the things I had hoped would happen to me today being a giant spider's lunch was not one of them. I squirmed trying to get free of the sticky web but it held fast.
The spider sat in the opposite corner and looked at me. At least I thought it was looking at me. It was kinda hard to tell, what with it having eight eyes and all.
"I guess you're feeling pretty chuffed with yourself," I said.
The spider shrugged. "You think you're such a great catch?" it said, it's voice quiet and raspy. "You look kinda old and stringy. I've done better."
"You could always let me go," I said, trying to hide my surprise that the beast could actually talk. "I probably taste pretty yucky. I can't tell you the last time I had a bath."
The spider shrugged again. "Against my terms and conditions to let you go, I'm afraid. I might not end up eating you, but I'll wrap you up and let you suffocate and perhaps make some art out of you."
"You make art?" I asked.
The spider gestured at the web around it. "What the hell do you think I do with my time?"
...
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