My confidence and I used to be best friends. We went everywhere together—attending presentations, speaking in front of people, and even occasionally daring to chat up strangers at social events without fear of sounding awkward. But lately, our relationship has begun to grow apart. Either because I ignored it too often, or because it felt unappreciated and eventually went looking for a new owner.
I only really realized this loss when one day I was standing in front of the mirror, trying to pick out an outfit for an event. Instead of feeling ready and cool, I saw a reflection of someone who suddenly questioned everything—am I attractive enough? Will I look weird around other people? Can I speak without sounding like someone reading an Indonesian language exam script?
These questions were the first signs that my confidence was fading. The second sign came when I started turning down opportunities too often. Got an offer to speak at an event? Oh, maybe there's someone else who's a better fit. Want to post something on social media? But what if people find it unattractive? Want to try something new? But what if I fail?
I know this isn’t a coincidence. My confidence is gone because I let doubt in uninvited. Maybe it’s tired of me listening to the little voice in my head that says, “No, you’ll look stupid,” instead of letting it whisper, “Just try, maybe it’ll work.”
But after a long time of mourning my lost confidence, I’ve come to realize one thing: It’s not really gone. It’s just waiting for me to stop judging myself so harshly.
So I started inviting it back. I tried to speak up more, even if it sounded awkward at first. I started taking chances, even though I was still afraid of failure. I even decided to be kinder to myself—because if I kept criticizing myself incessantly, who else would support me?
And slowly, my confidence started to show itself again. Not in the form of a spotlight or a standing ovation, but in small ways—like speaking up without fear of judgment, or smiling at your reflection in the mirror without feeling weird.
So if you’re feeling like you’re losing your confidence, too, maybe it’s just waiting for you to realize that it’s always there. It just took a little effort to get him called back.