It's not so much that I'm holding back, it's just a really OLD story, so digging the details out of my smoke-addled brain is a bit like digging a well in granite. I'll get after it, eventually. Perhaps I'll title the post "How to beat your first felony rap: A learning guide for kids."
Yeah, fuck'em all. The closest thing I got to critique was "...wish I could make it..."
Hopefully at least one of the feckless drunks will show up and hold the camera.
I'd appreciate being kept in the loop how the audience receives you.
I need more responsible friends and family... I REALLY wish someone had gotten it on camera. Not just me, but the whole night, which wrapped up in about an hour and a half. There were about 15 people who got up and did some kind of routine, and only two of them sucked. Weirdly, it was the guys who went right before and right after me.
My first minute killed. I had literally everyone's attention after 'gentrified by the Amish'. The incel stuff didn't do quite as well as thought it would. I had changed the punchline to "...between Tinder and promiscuity masquerading as feminism, if you're not getting laid, you're just not putting in any effort." I forgot to do "I'll bet there's an 'I screwed an incel' Instagram challenge.
The mom's basement stuff killed. I got roaring cheers for "I smoked pot, played Dungeons & Dragons, fixed my first engine, and lost my virginity in that basement, and another good round when I hit 'em with "more than once."
The 'Don't Do Drugs' bit killed. The 'involuntary movements' bit didn't do as well as I'd hoped, but I took your suggestion, and performed a few tics while I said "but we already know, if you see someone twitching, they're probably taking too many drugs." and that got everybody.
The Boeing Starliner bit did just okay. More about that later.
My original closer about Biden and the pop up book did so well, I went into some extra time and did the 'Carvana' bit, which hit just okay.
I closed with a bit about a drug that has 'life threatening infection of the perineum', which seemed to be flopping, until I told everyone what the perineum is. Drunk people always laugh at 'taint.
So all in all, it was horrible. I'm probably addicted now. I made a lot of rookie mistakes. I printed out a cheat sheet in 18pt font, so I wouldn't need my reading glasses, but I didn't account for the low level of light inside a bar, so I still couldn't see it without my reading glasses. I recovered from that pretty well, because I knew the material pretty well. Trying to see my cheat sheet without my readers caused me to make the noob mistake of moving the microphone too far away from my mouth a couple times. I speak loud enough to be heard most of the time anyway, so it wasn't too bad, but I was fucking embarrassed for me. My biggest noob mistake was not pausing long enough for applause. My friend told me afterward that people were still laughing so hard at the Biden joke, they missed the set up of my Biden opening the pop up book impression.
Things were going so well, I started actually hurrying to get a bit more in, even though I had already seen that they weren't being particularly strict about time. I kinda glad I hurried, though, because even though people loved it, even the other comedians couldn't remember the specifics of ANY of my bits at the end of the night. All they could remember was "the funny redneck with too many cars", which they're remembering from the Carvana bit, which probably did the worst out of all of them.
I probably should have just put this up as a post, damn. Nothing beats the buzz of 'fight or flight' mixed with 'IT FEELS GOOD TO BE POWERFUL!'
edit...
The Boeing Starliner bit probably would have done better if I had been going a little slower. As soon as I said 'astronaut' I could see them start drifting away a little bit, but when I said 'Boeing', about half of them had followed along well enough to get it.
Danget I don't remember the Carvana one. Glad an impromptu cerebral palsy impression went well.
I can feel your confidence, real excited for you. Congrats and all that. That type of reaction and reading your excitement makes me wanna really talk a buncha shit for not recording it.
Guess maybe I could've mentioned I didn't really feel the incel bit either but you adapted. Where is that venue again, it's like several states from me huh?
Super stoked for you, hell yeah. Gas pedal.
That part about 18 point letters, I think you got a whole bit there, too.
Because I'm a redneck, I always have extra vehicles laying around, so I tried that Carvana app to track the value of my car. After putting in my info and uploading a photo, the app uninstalled itself and blocked me. I tried to install it again, and now they're threatening legal action.
Talk all the shit you want.
The venue is in Elmira, NY, which is almost certainly at least a few states from you.
I'm thinking about starting my next routine with a bit about all the stuff I fucked up on this routine, beginning with 18pt letters.
My friend that I work for, who himself performed in a touring band for years (check out Bone Gunn) was really REALLY impressed, and started talking about taking a road trip down to Austin to try getting me on Kill Tony. I'm going to start practicing more, and maybe take this show on the road this winter.
Mufuker if you go to Austin, DanDays is saying it right now, unless something absolutely unavoidable comes up like space shuttle sex, gimme like a 30-day window and I'll see you there.
Performing live.. That's some G-shit. Meanwhile, I'm staring at the post button on this comedy piece with sweaty hands like a beer-run getaway driver.
If I go to Austin, I'll give you as much lead time as I can. Austin is a bit of a long trip just to hope I get pulled out of the hat, though, so I'm going to keep a closer eye on when he's touring with the show. I know he come to NYC, and I could definitely make that happen, but I'd much rather try to catch the show someplace like Nashville or Ohio.
Sweaty hands isn't so bad... we once had a beer-run getaway driver chicken out and leave before we got back with the keg. We rolled that keg down 7 blocks in Boston, and never got questioned.