Behind the curtain, a lot of things are happening but I have remained silent. I actually chose to be silent because I wanted to focus on my treatment and healing journey. I often feel that this long journey might be never a never-ending journey and I won't be able to control my emotions anymore. Absurd and intrusive thoughts are always hanging inside even though I do a lot of activities including traveling.
Traveling acts as a temporary cure for my mental health struggles, and I find massive joy in exploring new places. All the trips provide a break from my daily battles by offering moments of peace and clarity. Overall, things have improved; my emotions are more controlled, and my traumas are receiving the necessary attention. Yet, the remaining questions remain.
At times, I feel that the treatment I am receiving isn't entirely providing my needs. I acknowledge the expertise of my psychiatrists and trust in their process but there are moments when I feel misinterpreted or perceive their approach as overly clinical. This method is frustrating, making me think if I am truly getting the help I need.
Despite these concerns, my emotional struggles have decreased compared to before. The therapies have made a difference. My ability to manage my emotions has improved, and the overwhelming weight of my traumas has become somewhat lighter. Maybe in time they will fade away.
I frequently experience brain blocks; I am often triggered by my ongoing battle with depression and it significantly impacts my mental health. For a long period of time, I have been undergoing EMDR therapy, which is nearing its conclusion. However, the aftermath of each session intensifies my mental state and noticeable changes appear slowly. The therapy process resembles reopening an old wound and allowing it to heal over time by reflecting on the nature of my trauma treatment. Consequently, after every session, I faced intense emotions and overwhelming pain, which in turn, worsened my depression.
I am currently suffering from severe depression. Specific overwhelming situations still trigger me and cause intense emotional distress and brief moments of blacking out. Despite these challenges, I aim to return to reality and remain strong. Unfortunately, many people fail to understand my struggle and often neglect me in various circumstances. I feel isolated all the time, in fact, I am isolated from society and surroundings. The intense stress and anxiety arising from my traumas had led to chronic headaches and neurological problems. Surprisingly, my neurologist cannot prescribe any additional medications due to my current prescribed anti-depressants and sleeping aids. She has only been able to provide medication for my migraines. Nowadays, my body language and facial expressions reflect my anxiety and depression, even though I am often unaware of these signs myself.
Depression is a devastating illness, a never-ending struggle that destroys my daily life. I feel like it's an invisible illness that shows through my expressions and body language; betraying my silent suffering. Sometimes, I feel disgusted living with such draining mental health conditions but it's something I cannot ignore or escape. I have tried countless methods to improve my situation and continue to search for ways to prevent depression from haunting me. Even if I manage to hold it shortly, it resurfaces in my nightmares, draining my inspiration and leaving me always uncomfortable.
This constant discomfort has drained my spirit for activities I once enjoyed, such as writing and socializing. I now avoid social gatherings, events, and interactions. I prefer isolation over the stress of connection. Even though I receive treatment for my traumas and PTSD on a regular basis, I am not fully cured. So, my psychiatrist has recommended me to another institution for advanced psychiatric treatment; it's a crucial decision I have yet to make.
What has changed so far? The changes are slight yet meaningful for someone battling depression or at least for me. Despite facing some severe setbacks, I have managed to stay strong, and that's perhaps the most significant change brought about by my treatment. Previously, I could express my feelings, thoughts, and emotions in great details, but now I find myself struggling to do so. I often lack answers and feel at a loss for words. A part of me remains filled with emptiness. Nonetheless, these small changes, although not always visible, are crucial steps in my healing journey.
I am unsure if this is part of the healing process, but I allow my emotions to flow freely. It's okay to grieve and it's okay not to be okay.
While my journey with mental health treatment is ongoing and sometimes challenging, I am experiencing gradual improvements. Traveling offers a valuable escape, and despite occasional doubts about my treatment, my emotional burdens have become more manageable. This combination of professional help and personal coping strategies continues to guide me toward better mental health. The uncertainty of my journey is painful. How much longer will I need to continue these therapies? I have no answer. All I know is that depression and PTSD are a powerful illness, and I must keep fighting, hoping that one day I will find relief from this torment.
PS: Maybe I should open a community where people can find a safe place to share their struggles, emotions, and mental health problems. 🤔
Love
Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thoughts easily...
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Yeah, it happens. Those moments that make you question if you are truly healing. It is frustrating and sad that one still has to feel these things despite the help that has been given.
However, it is nice knowing you are healing little by little in some ways. The struggle is real and hard, and only those who have been in pain can truly sympathise. I wish you well on your mental health, and it is truly okay to not be okay.
I am in with you and wish you not just luck but also love, kindness, hug, sweetness, and more on your journey.
Yes, absolutely and I honestly don't blame anyone anymore. People have their own life and everybody is busy. Even I don't get enough support from my family because they don't understand me at all when it comes to my sickness. I accepted it...
Thank you so much dear...tc
Yeah, people have their lives, and we are responsible for ours. That's how life is.
Hugs 🫂.
I think it is a great idea to start a community where people can feel safe. You would offer so much to them. However, I think you should look after yourself first for a little while longer. Sometimes, you have to put yourself first.
I'm actually going to have a tattoo on Friday. I'm having 'me myself i' on my ankle. It's to remind me to look after myself as well.
I will prioritize myself obviously before taking any kind of decision because I know it will be a lot of work. I handled community before and it requires a lot of effort and dedication so I obviously need time to think before such a decision...
I guess, you have your tattoo now. I am going to text you privately and wanna see the tattoo if you don't mind...
Of course it's okay not to be ok. There is nothing wrong with you and you are free to say what you feel if it is what you need. I am very proud to read you like this, aware of what you are going through and struggling to keep improving. Big hugs, my dear. ❤️
My only focus is now to educate myself and to stay stable so that I can take small steps every day. My depression causes a lot of trouble and anxiety problems still remain but I am learning how to manage them. It's tough and sometimes boring but yes, I am not pushing myself.
I hope you are doing well dear, thank you for reading my post...
Small steps are the key. You don't need to run, just walk. ❤️😘
OMG yes yes yes yes yes yes this is absolutely a part of the healing process!! Free flowing emotions are less inclined to linger because they are getting processed instead of repressed and imprisoned.
This is so eloquently written. Beautiful. You're so strong, possibly more than you realize.
And I would totally join your community and be vulnerable AF on it. 🖤
I was very confused tbh at first because these kinds of emotions are unknown and like I mentioned, I can't recognize them anymore. I have been so quiet these days in fact, I prefer to be by myself.
By the way, How's Pilot doing now? I hope he is feeling better now...
I don't know when I am gonna create that 🤣
Pilot is doing great! His bum hasn't been bothering him at all. He says hi.
No rush on the group, it'll happen when it happens.
In my Accelerated Resolution Therapy one of the things we do if I feel confused about my emotions is to, "confuse the confusion" to process it out. Sometimes I envision a snow globe or imagine myself rolling down a hill or something benignly chaotic. This may or may not apply to you but it's kind of fun.
I like to be alone a lot, too. Even feeling stable, it's so much less work than peopling all the time. #introvertlife 😄
That's great to know. He is feeling good now.
I am not sure if they are going to suggest me such kind of therapies but it would be nice to have this therapy. Yes, let's see what treatment plan they will offer for the advanced treatment.
Me too...
I hope you and pilot are having a nice weekend...
We are! And we did! We went backpacking again.
Hey @priyanarc , I was not aware of your issues. I've been getting "treatment" through the VA for years, almost exclusively "Cognitive Behavior Therapy" which to me is a bunch of bull. You basically are supposed to see what is upsetting you and fix it yourself.
I had to look up the "EMDR" therapy, sounds strange but I will ask my therapist about it.
For me, getting out from under landlords and/or family who have a say or control over what I do has gone a long way to improving my mental condition, but I am still highly reactive to certain triggers.
I can be a butt hole in other words, all because of past trauma.
I was on "Remerol" (I think that was the product name, the drug was Temazapam) for years, and it really did help me sleep at least, but I also grew fat from having it in my system 24/7.
Now, I only take Xanax at night, or when I KNOW I'm heading into a situation where I was most likely grow angry.
I sure hope you continue improving my friend. 💗
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I am aware of this medication and it didn't suit me at all. The good thing is I started with the lower dose of medication so I am not addicted yet and I am aware of my doses because I have control over it and I understand them. But yes, about therapy, I am taking what is prescribed because I have taken a lot of different kinds of therapies and nothing actually worked. I am very sensitive and can't take intense treatment due to stress issues and neuro problems. I can relate to your condition. Thanks for sharing with me... I really appreciate that...
I take Quetiapine for sleep...
😮 Quetiapine is FDA approved for schizophrenia, acute manic episodes, and adjunctive treatment for major depressive disorder.*
I sure hope you get some relief ♥
Yes, I know :(
I'm very glad that you're making progress in the process you're going through. However small they may seem, they're actually very important advances.
Take care.
Yes, exactly. They might seem very annoying and small to me but obviously, professionals know what they are doing...
I hope you are doing well...
That self-awareness of knowing you're not OK is probably one of the most important strengths and by sharing the advice here, you're hopefully helping many people be as strong as you are.
I'm sure your treatment path is horrendous and tiring but keep following it, at least you're able to punctuate it with a few trips which in itself is a huge positive to carry with you.
I think starting a community could be a good idea but it would take a lot of moderating I guess to keep the usual vote-chasers at bay and dilute the genuine help you'd be giving there. Take a look at @freecompliments , I believe they have a mental health group and advocates on the lookout for people who may need help.
Have the best weekend you are able to too and take care :-)
Thanks my friend but trust me I was not aware that my story might help someone.
It's long and also they often change treatment plans as well which is kind of disappointing to me. I understand that sometimes an advanced treatment plan is needed but changing doctors, and locations is kind of exhausting.
I looked into the mental health community and it seems like nobody wants to write there. I understand it's a very private matter but vote also a key factor. I am gonna take time to come up with a collab plan or roadmap or something. Before that, I also will focus on my treatment. I won't do anything that will cause extra stress in my life...
Have a nice Sunday and I hope you are enjoying the summer vibes...
Hi there! Actually the other mental health group on Hive isn't active. The FreeCompliments Community (hive-140084) is a lot more active, so although we look outside of the community, we'll very likely to catch something written in the community very quickly.
What's been going on? What's bothering you?
Ah nothing serious, we were discussing introducing a community focusing on mental health so Nathen recommended your id...
Yes, I checked that...
Gotcha! Well, let me know if you have something in mind. I'm always open to expanding this initiative. It's still rather small scale.
It is difficult to deal with our mental health, I understand what you write and I know that you can go through very dark moments where it seems that nothing will get better or that we will never find the light, but we must always hold on to what we love the most and continue with the treatment, talking helps a lot and writing also does. It would be a good idea to have a community where we can talk about mental health and all this that causes us to feel many times on the edge of the abyss. I hug you from a distance and wish you can rest and find the best treatment to make you feel better, I've been a year with a new treatment and things have improved in my case, which has allowed me to cope with the day to day situations that can be difficult, also the love and support of my family has been essential to feel better and want to move forward. I wish you the best 🧡
Yes, because people going through hard times always feel lonely and isolated.
Thank you so much, I am glad you are doing a little bit better now and things are improving. I genuinely have no words for myself now, I am just filled with emptiness and don't even know what's happening to me.
Thank you once again...
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