Yes, it's like, I love routines, because the predictability alleviates anxiety, but at the same time I myself am unable to sustain them, but also, also, they cannot be forced on me by someone else, because - demand avoidance.. so then.. effectively.. there are no solutions.. unless there are nice little npcs with rigid routines around me that create a sense of structure without requiring me to take part in them but I can if I feel like it.. xD Which is as ridiculous as it sounds.. xD
ah yes, the 'joys' of the AuDHD-ish brain. 🥴
Yup
ohhhhhhhhh.
something just clicked with the "demand avoidance" as seeing it placed in the context you just articulated as you did here.
(I didn't look too far into the concept and didn't particularly feel inclined to self-diagnose, though see why it came up in the same conversations now. and whether going so far to self-inquire further and slap another label on myself or not, definitely see insightful refections in that single sentence as you structured it.)
😮