“My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.” – Mark Watson
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“My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.” – Mark Watson
Apparently smoking cannabis can affect your short term memory. Well if that’s true, what do you think smoking cannabis does?” – Mickey P Kerr
How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?…. none. They’re not really into that sort of thing. If it’s that dark, light a candle.” – Phil Cornwell
The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.” – Alun Cochrane
People who like trance music are very persistent. They don’t techno for an answer.” – Joel Dommett
As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.” – Gary Delaney
Normally you have news, weather and travel. But not on snow day. On a snow day, news is weather is travel.” – Michael McIntyre
Here’s a picture of me with REM. That’s me in the corner.” – Milton Jones
Someone showed me a photograph of my local MP the other day.
‘Would you buy a second-hand car from this man?’ they asked.
‘Would you buy a second-hand car?’ I replied.” – Miles Jupp
I’m learning the hokey cokey. Not all of it. But – I’ve got the ins and outs.” – Iain Stirling
Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic, and so am I.” – Billy Connolly
“My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.'” – Stewart Francis