Álvaro Bilbao
Parents are not chosen, nor is life, love or death chosen.
Everything happens as fast as when a gust of waves drags you forcefully to the bottom of the sea and you end up swallowing the whole shoal of fish that the whales eat.
My parents were two totally opposite people on their axis who enjoyed some small things in common, yet they had the same intensity of character that ended a 25-year relationship, and I "was happy".
Being happy in those circumstances may be strange, but I gained peace in a home full of disagreements and difficult discussions, although for my mother it was a little more complicated and hard when she was left in charge of a ship with a broken hull and no mast.
My father also had to start from scratch, but it was easier for him to restart a life than to continue dragging heavy things that he could no longer bear.
However, my parents are an idealized constant in my life, and many times I miss the harmonious chaos of that previous life.
First of all, I have to recognize that my experiences and attitudes are conditioned by the advice and examples of my parents, and on many occasions, although I think and meditate on how to act, what to decide, where to go, I have to break with certain learned codes of conduct that do not fit my reality or my organic personality.
However, I would have loved to have been taught how to better manage my fears and be a more practical person in life, especially because consequences such as "feeling like a failure" can lead you to suffer serious depression problems.
I needed a mother who was less harsh, more intimate and more close to me.
I had a mother present and very attentive; one of the strongest and most difficult situations for some children is maternal orphanhood, which is why I do not complain, my mother kept me as clean and neat as the peaks of Everest, and not one of my hairs dared to clash with my outfit, my protruding and deformed teeth from thumb sucking are in place today thanks to the disciplined efforts of "mi'm."
But when my mother reprimanded me, she had terrible rages that lasted at least three or four days,she was very irascible and I was very timidly worried when that happened, because I didn't know how to deal with that strong and stubborn character that took too many days to disappear.
That made me withdraw many times in my thoughts because I thought that she didn't really love me and that the only way out was to run away from home and "never again" come back.
I began to develop feelings as strong as loneliness, misunderstanding and insecurity, because the reasons for a child to feel lost and lost depend solely on their innocent emotions.
Balance,the universe is imprisoned by laws that converge in balance.
My mother was a woman of few words, for me it was always easier and simpler to talk about love and common problems with my father, because my mother lacked the appropriate sensitivity to dismantle the small knots that from time to time got stuck in her daughter's little throat.
I never understood why my mother lacked the virtue of knowing how to express her love and feelings, and that made me develop some guilt complexes, and on many occasions, not understanding the meaning of loving me more.
Learning to share a parent.
My father was/is my favorite human being, the one who was always there, the one who was able to solve all my problems, the one who always had an example to give me.
But my father who was only mine left one day.
And I lost a lot of space in his/my best moments. I lost the intimacy and privacy of our conversations because he had a new family and he didn't know how to deal meaningfully with it.
Although a good father will never stop being a good father.
I felt the absence and...I began to learn to deal alone with the discomfort that my own problems caused me, I found myself in the urgent need to look for solutions on my own.
It was really quite a process, but the immediacy of pushing away all the negative thoughts that surrounded me and insisted on driving me crazy along with a million insecurities that marked my growing up process one day said ENOUGH, because my father had taught me that there would never be a perfect solution but that some would always be better than others...and that I could do it, even if I made mistakes over and over again.
It is so common to idealize our parents and believe them to be perfect, unblemished from our position as very beloved children, that we forget that they can also make us feel angry, confused, and frustrated because they are also human beings who have very deep marks with which to deal.
This is my entry for the weekend commitment proposed by @galenkp specifically on the topic:
What do you think you needed but didn't receive from your parents and how did that affect your life? Use your own photos.
Always very grateful for your reading.
The text is entirely my own
All photos are my property
Using the Lightroom application, free version
Translation done with Deep Translate, free version.
Posted Using InLeo Alpha
Ok, there comes a time when we are at that point of reflection where you are, whatever has happened in our innocent lives. Then it is time to look for solutions to heal within. That is the difficult path that we have to face when we wake up (unfortunately not all of us wake up), but it is what is necessary, what we have to do, what will set us free. Many of our body's illnesses have to do with the mismanagement of emotions, did you know that? And did you know that every person who comes into your life acts as a mirror for you to look at yourself and see what you like and don't like about yourself? Believe me, this path of healing is very difficult. The important thing is to recognise and find the problems, and also to accept our shadows.
Meditation, breathing, and living in the present are good for that. To understand that love starts from oneself and that if we don't love ourselves, no one else will.
My awakening began to happen when I looked back and saw repetitive patterns in terms of people coming into my life, situations related to jobs and money, attachments and many other things. The Universe makes you go through the same things over and over again to learn. It doesn't do it out of spite, it does it for your own good. Because the bottom line is that life is about evolving.
It takes study, it takes patience and it takes choices. The hardest part is letting go.
It's true, you are slow to heal because you don't know how to recognize that there is a problem going on that affects your own perception of the world and your own more than anything else.
Being happy is an attitude, but it is conditioned by your exterior, by the things you let affect you...then the day comes when you need to breathe, meditate and understand.
I tell you something: If Hive brings me something really important is that it is teaching me to meditate and to recognize wounds that had not healed but that were and are hidden, in that state in which you say to yourself: I don't think about them, they don't exist.
Then, managing and analyzing certain lines allows me to free myself from them, because I recognize that they were not my fault.
Contrary to what others might think, I am happy to talk about it.
And you are doing the same right now. ♥️
Do we have a therapy group? 😅
🌻🌻🌻
😄
I don't know. But I do know that the warrior's path is a lonely one. However, if you need me, you know where to find me.
I know, my dear, I know.
I'm around too...just in case.
🌻
Umm, @nanixxx. Su re_reflexion es muy interesante y de sabiduría anudada a a la espiritualidad trascendental.
Pero se que quien nombra al "guerrero" , ese , o esa está conectado con otra frecuencia , porque está en " el otro camino.
Y si ,el camino del guerrero es solitario , pero es el único que puede definitivamente sacar la cuestión del nivel intelectual al nivel de recorrido, sino lo demás es aprender para saber y repetir lo que se sabe. Pero a esos: Mireles la vida.
Saludos.
Hi, nice to have you here. You are right. The world is full of repeaters. That's why I don't know a therapy group, I just live and as I make mistakes I learn.
I love sunrises, sunsets, drinking tea on my patio with my only company and my pets. By the way, it seems that the energy is good because I am always surrounded by squirrels, chickens that are not mine, but that hatch their chicks in my backyard. Observation is a fundamental part of a simple life.
Saludos. 🤗
Umm. Muy bonita respuesta, pero se que hay mucha más agua para beber en ese poso.
De todas formas, gracias por la oportunidad de compartir esa paz interior que fluye desde su patio .
I also found peace when my parents separated. My father was psychologically violent. And life was hell... I was 7 years old... I never saw my father again and I am happy with that... it is better to have him away, he is too evil. My mother doesn't show any affection so I lacked that and I had too much and I needed that demonstration... as it affected me, well, quite a lot, but I found that great love and demonstration in other people and in my cats.
Thanks for telling us about your experience!💗
Finally, there are two of us, and that's the point at which the unpleasantness and traumas take you, right?
Despite all the difficult memories that marked my life, I love my parents deeply.
I imagine that your experiences must have been quite difficult, we children suffer so hard, so hard that the only life we have is not enough to remember and feel pain at the same time, but as a defense mechanism we cannot let those events continue to affect us and we must understand that we have the right to live a healthy life free of them.
My embrace always @avdesing
🌻
This awareness is fundamental to change our lives, that's right! Hug!💗
I am proud of you and me.
🌻♥️🌻
And me!💗
Congratulations @adaluna1973! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)
Your next target is to reach 60 posts.
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out our last posts:
Thanks.
You're on a quest for greatness @adaluna1973, and we have no doubt that you'll reach your new target soon!
¡En @team-mexico estamos agradecidos que formes parte de nosotros!
Contenido votado con cariño. ❤️
Graciass.
Hello there, beautiful poet.
Wow. That was an intense read and deeply beautiful. A very balanced look at an imperfect childhood (like all of them really). I think it takes great courage to do that, to look back and see your parents with kindness and compassion without denying your own suffering. :) I'm glad to have found you.
A great honor and a huge pleasure to discover that you liked some of my post...., but, I am not a poet, nor a writer, however you are, and the courtesy of your comment is extremely nice for me.
At first I found it hard to talk about some intimately familiar issues, but you know, I feel lighter and freer because writing about these things have made me remember and understand more about myself and also : forgive.
I love my parents - who are no longer on the earthly plane - with a lot of passion and respect, I did for them in life and in their last days everything a good son would do, and that gives me/us the right to recognize them as they were, and all in the name of love.
Thank you and have a beautiful week.
🌻
Shh. Take the compliment :)
Yes. I love this. It can be difficult sometimes to accept the duality of loving our parents but also accepting how they hurt us in some ways. I'm glad you found that and even more so that you found the strength to talk about it. Because I got to read it and really appreciate that. :)
I can only tell you : Thank you.
🌻
You know? Once upon a time, I would have written a post similar to yours had I participated in the dynamic. My parents also separated (nothing extraordinary, unfortunately) but the striking thing is that neither of them started a new relationship (at least a public and lasting one). They lived in the same town and many even thought they were still together. For them, apparently, it was not that simple. I don't know the details, I didn't ask questions so as not to hear answers that I might not like.
Those of our generation, we learned to grow up independent. We didn't have so much parental tutelage and that was the norm. Sure, there were times when they were needed, especially when crucial decisions had to be made or when their experience could help us build our own path. There are also traits in my character that at one time I didn't like and blamed my parents for being responsible.
At some point that changed. It must have been when I understood that I was adult enough to keep blaming others for my problems or perhaps when I became a parent and experienced firsthand what it was all about.
I do not intend to refute the fundamentals of psychology that look to the past for the answers to our behavior. The "shrinks" make good money out of that and there is some basis for it. However, I believe that more than we should, we hold others responsible for behaviors for which we alone are responsible.
I remember that in Noise.cash I wrote a post to show my disagreement with the one published by another user in which he blamed the "flip-flop" corrective: exercise of violence and the responsible for the psychological maladjustments suffered by the generation that today is their turn to be parents. However, I invited the author to overcome the trauma and try to do better. Time will tell who was right.
Anyway, my friend, I apologize for this comment. It is not my intention to provoke a debate on your particular writing. This is just my reflection on the topic you chose. I feel that I have abused, I should have written my own post, but with the virus I did not feel like doing it. I hope you can understand me.
Thank you. 🌷🧡
First of all, I hope you are doing better.
A thousand thanks for your time... yes, in our cases it took us perhaps a little longer to manage the process of "family relocation", and to blame all our internal conflicts on our parents would not be totally fair.
In my case I had two serious problems that I did not know how to recognize until today: affective need and affective dependence.
These are terms I may have just made up but I think it feels that way.
You didn't want to know what happened, and I was looking for reasons all my life until I went to live alone, and my mother understood that she needed me more than she was able to imagine... that's life.
I think we have the right to rant and to free ourselves from painful things, and more so now that I can understand them at a good distance temporarily and a little better, without needing to go see a psychologist or a psychiatrist...by the way my mom hated them, I suggested to her a few times to go so she could free herself from some things but she told me that was not necessary...maybe people before didn't externalize much and they got used to live like that.
Your comments are always very welcome here and you know it, even if you don't believe it, they help us to know each other and others to understand.
Hugs.
El traductor es una...😅
🌻🌻🌻
Hola @americaru , es un placer siempre tenerte por acá, no tengas miedo, solo deja tus impresiones sobre el tema y yo te contesto con mucho placer.
🌻
Lo sé...eres pura guerrera.
🌻