You know? Once upon a time, I would have written a post similar to yours had I participated in the dynamic. My parents also separated (nothing extraordinary, unfortunately) but the striking thing is that neither of them started a new relationship (at least a public and lasting one). They lived in the same town and many even thought they were still together. For them, apparently, it was not that simple. I don't know the details, I didn't ask questions so as not to hear answers that I might not like.
Those of our generation, we learned to grow up independent. We didn't have so much parental tutelage and that was the norm. Sure, there were times when they were needed, especially when crucial decisions had to be made or when their experience could help us build our own path. There are also traits in my character that at one time I didn't like and blamed my parents for being responsible.
At some point that changed. It must have been when I understood that I was adult enough to keep blaming others for my problems or perhaps when I became a parent and experienced firsthand what it was all about.
I do not intend to refute the fundamentals of psychology that look to the past for the answers to our behavior. The "shrinks" make good money out of that and there is some basis for it. However, I believe that more than we should, we hold others responsible for behaviors for which we alone are responsible.
I remember that in Noise.cash I wrote a post to show my disagreement with the one published by another user in which he blamed the "flip-flop" corrective: exercise of violence and the responsible for the psychological maladjustments suffered by the generation that today is their turn to be parents. However, I invited the author to overcome the trauma and try to do better. Time will tell who was right.
Anyway, my friend, I apologize for this comment. It is not my intention to provoke a debate on your particular writing. This is just my reflection on the topic you chose. I feel that I have abused, I should have written my own post, but with the virus I did not feel like doing it. I hope you can understand me.
Thank you. 🌷🧡
First of all, I hope you are doing better.
A thousand thanks for your time... yes, in our cases it took us perhaps a little longer to manage the process of "family relocation", and to blame all our internal conflicts on our parents would not be totally fair.
In my case I had two serious problems that I did not know how to recognize until today: affective need and affective dependence.
These are terms I may have just made up but I think it feels that way.
You didn't want to know what happened, and I was looking for reasons all my life until I went to live alone, and my mother understood that she needed me more than she was able to imagine... that's life.
I think we have the right to rant and to free ourselves from painful things, and more so now that I can understand them at a good distance temporarily and a little better, without needing to go see a psychologist or a psychiatrist...by the way my mom hated them, I suggested to her a few times to go so she could free herself from some things but she told me that was not necessary...maybe people before didn't externalize much and they got used to live like that.
Your comments are always very welcome here and you know it, even if you don't believe it, they help us to know each other and others to understand.
Hugs.
El traductor es una...😅
🌻🌻🌻