Guilt
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I don't think there is a single person in the world that can tell me that they are not accustomed to this feeling.
I don't think I'm old enough to say in my time but in my years of existence, I have experienced this feeling a number of times, maybe a little more than I should.
Another thing most of us are accustomed to is the cycle of life. The one where people come and they also go. It's funny how you could be best friends with someone one minute and in the next, you are complete strangers.
The worst part is that no matter how much we try, no matter how strongly we want to hold on, the cycle hits and we have to let go.
Letting go has always been an issue for me.
Why do I have to say goodbye to the people I love? Why do relationships have to end?
I'm blaming life because it's so much easier to blame everyone else but yourself.
Just like most cliche stories, I met a boy but our story wasn't one where they fell hopelessly in love even though I did love him.
I remember the first time I saw him. I had just started a new secondary school, he had been in that school for the longest time so he was well known.
I don't quite recall the moment we started talking but I think it was a moment after I showed just how smart I was. He was one of the smartest boys in class, so it became a competition.
A competition that I'm finally mature enough to admit that he won.
The tag on his Ipad that said "Best Student of the year" should have been enough". I, on the other hand, was given a gas cylinder for being the best in Maths. I was so upset
The immature part is speaking and it's saying he only won it because he was more outspoken than me, book wise I was still the best.
A year later, we found ourselves in the same University, different faculties but we still talked.
I have major trust issues. If you are a Nigerian reading this you would understand this better.
My trust issues came from all the shege guys showed me.
Jahakeme was the only boy I trusted. I have said it a lot of times that his house is the only house of the opposite sex that I could go and feel hundred percent comfortable because he was a good person.
He said we were not friends, that he had buddies and I was one of the closest.How much I miss the tag.
You don't find that many people that are good for you, but Jahakeme was exactly that.
He brought the energy from secondary
school and convinced me to study because I was so eager to spread my wings with the new found freedom.
Unfortunately, with the years that passed, the time brought a strain in the relationship.
Why? Because I was growing and didn't have time for the old friends anymore.
A friend in particular that had been there from day one. Someone that had stayed up all night listening to me rant about just how much dumb I was, about how hard it was transitioning from secondary school to the University.
Eventually I stopped talking to him. My parents would ask about him and the guilt would seep in.
He would text and I wouldn't even make the effort to talk to him.
On the eighth of December last year, when the unfortunate incident happened and my brother had to fight for his life, he still reached out, listened to me while I cried.
The funniest part was that all those new friends I was busy chasing and disregarded the old ones, the important ones, didn't even send a text as brief as "How is your brother doing?"
Have you ever been in a situation where you left a message without a reply and that message has been there so long. You know you want to reply but then it just seemed so late to do so?
That was exactly how I felt with Jahakeme.
I knew I wanted to fix it but I just didn't know how.
A few months back, I had to travel back to my parent's house from school, he came to the exact spot.
I felt so guilty. I tried to smile and act like everything was okay but I know it wasn't.
We sat in the bus next to each other not saying a single word.
I had so much to say, starting with I was sorry but it felt too late.
But the universe had given me something. I could text and ask if he got home safely but still I did nothing. A few days later, he reached out.
I tried to say all the apologies that needed to be said but I knew they wouldn't be enough.
Another funny fact, those new friends? I don't talk to them anymore.
My parents still ask about him. There was so much excitement in my mum's voice when I told her I ran into him. She was like, "You don't talk about him anymore. Is that Ipad he won still working? because our gas is still working."
My mother is a real case but I love her anyway.
Source
I miss him. A whole lot. I don't play chess anymore because it reminds me so much of him.
I don't know how to take it all back because in the end I asked myself, what was it all for? I couldn't come up with a valid reason.
This guilt I feel, I hope it will go away one day or I find a way to fix it.
The thing I feel most guilty about is the fact that no matter how much I pushed him away, he always came back and he was always there for me.
I guess there is only so much someone can take.
Maybe there is a chance in the future or maybe not but I learnt my lesson.
Those people that have been there with you from day one, no matter how hard it is, don't let go of the relationship over the dumbest things in life which is why @vivaebony, you and I are for life.
It's always so much easier to blame people for our mishaps but with time, we realize that we are the only ones to blame.
Eiiii😅. Your mom was definitely in on it too. But It can be so painful 😅, receiving a gas instead of an ipad.
I hope you get to speak with jahekeme soon enough, irrespective of how late it may feel. 😗
It was... Extremely painful. I went back to my seat and I was swelling.
😂😂..But at least the gas is still working..Last time I was in his house, the iPad was having issues.
More people need to realize this and maybe give life a second to breath because any small thing.
Na life cause am o😂😂💔
Even if you didn't get the best student tag, at least, your gift lasted longer😅
They are trying to suffocate life from the left, right and center 😂
But still Ipad and gas..You sef see now😂😂
It's not more I'm tired of this life. It's life is tired of all of us😂💔
As for the friendship....
I hope this is my way..I want to send this to him and see if we can fix things.
😂😂😂😂
You should totally go for it. I would be touched if I read this😅
I definitely will..And then I'll come tag you and tell you we are happily in love again 🌚
At this point, I would be terrified 😂
Old time friends are a gem. We should value them. There are friends we don't talk to often but are always there for us.
Sorry about the sheges my gender has showed you 😂
I cannot survive without you people that's the annoying part 😂
But I'm going to try to fix it.❤️
Keep trying dear, we're here together on hive and planet earth 😂
And why @vivaebony alone? Let me keep quiet on Mummy matter
😂😂😂😂...I don't understand.
I don't know how my friend became your mummy o.
You people are passing corners on this hive. Let me not talk too.
Is it your corner?
Please let the owner of the corner talk
Why are you people dragging me here?😂😂😂
And who is your mummy?🌚
Mummy, are you denying me?
Remember your teacher's child that called you Mummy too?🤣
It's this kind guilt that I'm writing in my post as well. Friend guilt. It seems like a nice
lovefriendship story. And for both your sakes, I hope things get better. And you guys can be friends again.I am sorry but I couldn't help but laugh😂😂
You could start from somewhere you know?, I have a friend like yours and just like you both we also grew apart but it took just the right words to fix everything, and I believe yours can be fixed as well !LUV
Just try to fix it now that you still have the time, all the best😊
@dianelson, @ibbtammy(2/3) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community |
HiveWiki | 
NFT | <>< daily
I don't think it's too late to repair the damage done. If you find a friend like that in this our ephemeral generation, I believe you should reach out and mend bridges cos they're scarce.
All the same, I think I should get to know your mom better and maybe @vivaebony as well
Many of us feel guilty when looking back at the circumstances that ended a close friendship, you have done well to express the dimensions of this relatable experience.
This story is nice, however by adding in some of the creative elements of fiction, it would really shine! We recommend reading our article on creative nonfiction for tips on adding these details into your stories. We hope this feedback helps! Thank you for sharing your story with us, and for your engagement with other members of the community.