You use this reflective monologue to good effect to show Ernesto's thought progression, reflection and subsequent change of heart from the start to the end of the story, however there is some imbalance in its presentation as it is wholly reliant on a monologue recounting of a conversation between two brothers. It needs some action and narration to develop the story further, to provide a good setting to place the characters in a space that the reader can imagine and relate to, and give the reader some insight into the background of the conflicts that underpin this jealousy between the two brothers. There are some easy grammar fixes that could also be implemented to elevate your story.
Did you know we have some great resources to help our community members develop their writing skills?
Be sure to check out our catalog of fiction writing tips which provides a list of all the helpful articles on fiction writing.
For example:
- The Action, Dialog and Narrative: The Dynamic Trio article provides great tips for developing your stories.
- The Help for the Grammatically Challenged article provides important tips on how to use Google Docs to draft your stories. It will point out errors that need to be fixed, and you can fix them by clicking on them.
These resources can help you continually improve the quality of your stories.
I highly appreciate these observations on my writing! This is the best thing of the community! I think you are right, the scenario and the presentation of the subject could have been better and nicer to the reader. However, the starting parragraph I tried to create firsts strong lines to hook the spectator all over the text. The change of point of view I understand can be misleading, I'll recheck those linked posts you suggested me and hope to get better with practice. Thanks so much! 😁
!PIZZA