Ever since I left the USA, more than 10 years ago, I've lost a lot of American friends simply because they don't answer their phones or return calls.
I have one particular friend that has not answered a single phone call from me for over 10 years, and it is simply because he hasn't saved my Google Hangouts number, so he thinks I'm a stranger calling.
๐ A PLAN HATCHED ๐ฃ
ย ย ย I don't know how the idea jumped into my head, but if I remember correctly, I saw a YouTube video of a guy making recycled paper fire logs, and it caused me to research how to get my hands on free paper.
ย ย ย 5 minutes in and I was on junkmail and free sample registration websites, although I lived in Cambodia, and there was no reason to be researching how I could make recycled paper logs in the USA with free junkmail.
ย ย ย Not wanting to have wasted my time down this rabbit-hole, I decided to register my friend, whose name is "C__y R__b," for about six or seven various food samples, magaziens and hygiene products.
ย ย ย Below are three of the sites I've used to sign my friend up for some free samples, magazines and junkmail.
โ๏ธ BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME ๐จโโ๏ธ
ย ย ย I should tell you I already have successfully run a fake facebook page for this friend for over 10 years as well, all with the prior of approval of his wife, whom answers her phone like a normal human being when people call her.
ย ย ย His wife is the one who shows him what he does on Facebook, like getting sick at the various fast-food restaurants around our small Indiana farmtown.
ย ย ย His wife, via her smartphone, in a weird "John Malkovich" way, is the one who shows him what he does on Facebook, like getting sick at the various fast-food restaurants around our small Indiana farm town.
ย ย ย I am getting carried away now, but his Facebook page is another classic I shall save for a future Hive post.
ย ย ย 70% of my hometown still thinks his Facebook page is the real him, and many friends and family send me new pictures of him to keep it updated. For three years he didn't even know who was running his Facebook page.
๐๏ธ ON TO THE JUNK MAIL ๐จ
ย ย ย After he discovered I ran the Facebook page, I tried to make a deal with him. In exchange for him answering my phone calls, I would delete his facebook page, but he wouldn't cave, what a horrible friend.
ย ย ย With his wife's approval, a few pieces of mail turned into a multi-year onslaught of various samples, magazines, stickers, hygiene products and more, all thanks to auto-fill and the above websites.
ย ย ย Once I had his info in auto-fill, I would just spend 5-10 minutes every day signing him up for various free things, and even got some Jehovah's Witnesses to show up at his house, all via email.
ย ย ย I've been doing this on and off for years and years, and he saves some of the junkmail highlights for me to look at on my odd trips back to the USA.
ย ย ย Below are some of the classics his wife has taken pictures of and sent to me while I've been abroad.
ย ย ย Obviously, I've experimented with various names for his junk-mail, I've even discovered you can consume quite a lot of characters for the name of the receiver.
ย ย ย The above mail is addressed to "Arcillo Griffiths," but most of the time I use "Sclay PowerPunch McRobb," and even pushed the limits once with "World's Greatest Dad - Go Kart Builder & Lasagna Enthusiast."
ย ย ย It's amazing how much you can squeeze in the name area of junk-mail, you can even use it like an SMS service, and send your friend messages like "Answer your phone and the junk-mail stops."
ย ย ย I guess I saved the best for last, but somehow I stumbled upon a sparkling wine website offering free custom bottle stickers.
ย ย ย His wife snapped a photo and let me know he really loved the prosecco wine label. It hasn't been all bad, I've sent them some really cool snacks and dog treats that they've enjoyed.
๐ DO IT TO YOUR LAZIEST FRIEND ๐ญ
ย ย ย It only takes a few minutes and then auto-fill can do the rest, so I highly recommend you junk-mail a friend of yours. Sclay PowerPunch McRobb really loves reading "Cigar Aficionado" while he's on the toilet.
ย ย ย Not only will your friend enjoy the random surpises, you get endless laughs. Seriously though, the pictures his wife has sent me of his junk-mail are among the greatest laughs I have ever had.
ย ย ย The above offer is at nextgenamerica.org/act/abortion-rights, so I've just taken a screenshot as an example of how easy this really is.
๐ THANKS FOR READING ๐
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Reminds me to answer your calls. Oh wait you don't know my address. And neither do I haha.
You are safe for now.....
Very funny! The things your friend had to put up with! Ahahhahahah! ๐ค
I don't know why it brings me great joy, but I love looking at all the treasures my friend has acquired on my behalf. Anti-abortion stickers are the easiest free things to have mailed to your door, go figure. I am a bad friend, but I did say if he ever asks the junk-mail to stop, I will do it.
Indiana? You used to hang out with them Indiana boys on those Indiana nights? Isn't that where Dr Jones came from? Lol
Can't believe you did that to him. Classic punked move. ๐
I honestly don't know if Tom Petty was from Indiana, but he certainly sang about it. I think people just try to use "Indiana" for street cred.
Bill Monroe, the "Father of Bluegrass," and Orville Redenbacher are from near my home if that gives any clue the type of area I'm from. Basically where Kentucky, Illinois and Indiana's river collide, that is where I'm from.
I just signed him up for a bunch of new lady perfume samples, hopefully they will arrive within 6 weeks.
Hahaha trolling level expert! I love that the wife is in on it
I knew I'd have to get the wife's permission if I wanted to keep this prank up for multiple years. It still goes on.....
At the moment I am trying to obtain the name of the mail carrier that usually delivers to his house. We are from a small town, so I think I can figure it out, then I'll start putting his mailcarrier's name on his junkmail to take it next level.
Apprecialoved @InnerBlocks.
You're a jerk. But I love it.
I don't generally hear a compliment after being called a jerk, thanks for balancing things out @frugalgamer.
I meant it with love. Pranking friends is all good in my opinion.
Of course, of course, those are the same words my junkmail friend calls me, but he has never asked me to stop this campaign.
Hey, by the way, what's your address? Just kidding ;)
I was about to give you one of my friends addresses ๐ ๐คฃ
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LOVE the wine sticker! ๐คฃ
Has he made any fire logs with all the junkmail yet?
I can say with 100% surety he has not made one fire log, but has thrown most of it away. I even bought a big tote bin for him to toss my goodies into, but he is too lazy to even keep my treasures for me to inspect.
I do remember him asking me why I wrote "Even the Mailman Is Tired Of This Prank, Just Answer Your Phone." I change up the name area on the mail so much I often forget what I wrote.