This should have been uploaded two weeks ago, but you know me. Some of my travel posts took years before I even start editing the photos. It's not that I can't do something like post within the day, it's just that I love to reminisce the feeling and process my thoughts about it. It's sort of therapeutic for me, so here we are, trying to keep our emotions in check.
September 16, 2020 - The day I finally tendered my resignation from the company I worked for four years. It was not easy, but I felt I had to it or it would be difficult for me to get out if I would prolong it further. I have to admit that I really felt anxious now that I finally have a set date of unemployment. Those four years were basically filled with love-hate moments that I will surely miss.
A (Not So) Little Bit of History
To those who didn't know me, I am working in a semiconductor company here in Cebu. This is my first job after passing the Chemical Engineering Licensure Exam last May 2016. I started as a Product Engineer and I initially thought I was fit for the job. I was under a very capable supervisor who happened to be the one who established everything in our process. I was assigned at a Silver Plating Process and it was relatively new. For context, most of the silver plating processes here in the Philippines are cyanide-based. We are one of the very first companies to use organic-based solutions for silver plating.
Since everything was relatively new, the process was not that stable. I remember back in November 2016 that I experienced my first production stoppage due to the abnormality of the solution. It was exactly the first month since I was hired and I already helped in finding the root cause of the abnormality. We had to render overtime because we were given an ultimatum that the line should start its production the following week. It was Friday and I was supposed to meet my friends from college, but we stayed late doing confirmations and evaluations to replicate what happened to the plating solution. I should still be in training, but I was immediately immersed in the process.
I arrived home at 1:00 AM that day, but I had to wake up early to go back to the plant to do some testing of the replicated solution. We had to report by Monday about what really happened, but I found it strange my supervisor trusted me to find a mechanism of the abnormality. It was strange, but I obliged. I was able to make a report and we presented it to the top management. We had a clash of ideas with our Japanese counterparts, but I stood on what I presented. That was the start of how I earned the trust of my superiors.
My engineering work was fun. Of course, there were some bumps along the way, but those were the two years that set my expectations on the nature of work I like. I was given a certain level of autonomy as compared to my colleagues. I was able to explore the nature of my process into a particular depth that was impossible if I had no freedom to do what I liked to do.
I still had to align my activities to the objectives for my process, but other than that, I felt I was shielded from the true nature of the company by my supervisor. Since he was the one who established almost every parameter in the process, we can really jive into the technicalities and jargons related to the process. Also, whatever he says, no matter how ridiculous they are, the top management would listen to him.
It was very productive. We were able to minimize line stops and significantly increase the yield in our process.
And then he resigned. His reason: there's no more room for growth for him within the company. He was offered with a managerial position, but he declined the offer. He said it was time for him to leave.
He was replaced by my senior back in college, so we still get along well with my new supervisor. I still had the same level of autonomy as before and I was treated as his equal, not his subordinate. However, he also resigned after six months of being a supervisor. It turned out he had other plans that didn't align with the objectives of the company. He just wanted the position before leaving.
I was 1 year and six months in the company when I was forced to act as a supervisor. I was next in line so I had no choice, but to work directly under our manager. This was when things started to get sour to my taste. For the record, it was not because of our manager. It was because of the company culture and the constant interaction with other departments.
I already told my manager the moment he offered the position that I'm not really good at dealing with people. How much more if I would handle one whole process with engineers under me. He assured me that I would learn all those along the way. Maybe I learned a little bit on how to deal with people, but I would still choose to handle a problematic solution than to handle people.
I accepted the position after 6 months of acting as a supervisor, even if I was reluctant at first. I was thinking of maybe to stay for a year in the new position and then leave to find another job. But I stayed longer. Maybe because I was able to travel more due to the additional allowance associated with the position.
As an introvert, I had problems with delegating tasks, so I ended up doing the things that engineers should do. My workload piled up since I still have other deliverables as a supervisor. I still have to forecast the yield for the month based on the current running yield and on the actions taken by the team. I have to attend meetings, lots of meetings, that could have been discussed via email.
It became a roller coaster ride. Some days I was so productive and some days I wouldn't do anything. I thought that I should leave as soon as possible. In fairness, I was surprised I reached this far when I already thought of leaving even if I was still three months into the job. I thought maybe, just maybe, the company became a comfort zone all those years. Regardless of the love-hate relationship and the low salary considering my scope of work, I loved the idea of solving problems and seeing the impact of the actions done on the process.
Here Comes the Pandemic
I already planned my exit earlier this year, but I realized now that if there was no COVID-19, I would have stayed in the company no matter how I said I will leave. March this year, prior to the lockdown, I think that was the last straw that broke the camel's back. I was really disappointed with how the company responded to COVID-19. I can compare it with how the Philippine government handled the situation.
If my colleague didn't attempt to resign at the height of all the fears and uncertainties, I would have done it already. It was during that time I realized that employees are just replaceable parts in a company. No matter how good the image of a certain company is, when worse comes to worst, the interest of the company precedes over the welfare of its employees.
During the two months of no work, I made a promise that I won't be the same when I go back. They can't expect my full effort if they can't promise to protect their employees during emergencies. I didn't realize I carried that promise when we worked again last June. My productivity really plummeted and I hated it. At the same time, I got confused and conflicted. On one hand, I was guilty that I didn't give my all, but on the other, I was thinking they don't deserve my loyalty.
During my two months of stay at home, Hive became my source of life, both as a source of income and as a source of something to work on. Without Hive and the Hivers I talked to from all around the world, I would have gone crazy due to boredom. When I realized my rewards are enough to sustain my needs, I thought it's time to break away from a fucked up system.
I realized that what made me stay longer was because of the travels I had. When I got stressed with work, I just spent a long weekend at the beach somewhere here in Cebu or hiked to have overnight camping in the mountains. I would then go back to work the next week with renewed drive and anticipation for another travel.
When travel was restricted, I felt like a pressure cooker that's slowly heating up and building pressure inside. I don't want to snap one day because it would be a disaster. Travel was the only way for me to effectively manage my stress at work.
On the Day of Final Judgment
When I passed my resignation letter, my manager said that it was not a wise decision. He was not shocked because I already expressed my desire to resign even before all the shitstorm that happened. For me, staying in the company is not wiser. All I know is that I need to leave for my mental health.
I tweeted about it and @legendarryll immediately messaged me that he would do the same. For the same reasons: mental health. I honestly thought it was an act of self-preservation. I need to leave or else, I'll end up hurting myself or anyone who's near me.
I got a message of reassurance from @discoveringarni immediately after I tweeted that I resigned. Even before the resignation, we already talked about life and figuring out on what to do. Thank you so much Laarni for the words of encouragement. We haven't met yet, but it's good to have someone who understood what I'm going through. I'll forever be grateful to you for the times I was able to share what I feel about life.
Many expressed their awe, saying that I was so brave in resigning amidst the uncertainty. I would say it was not bravery, it was about freeing myself from the agony. I just couldn't take it anymore.
Moving Forward
I have been feeling a little bit anxious about the uncertainty lately, but there's no going back now. My official day of unemployment will be on October 19, roughly two weeks from now. I'm now starting the transition to the new in-charge.
I don't know what will happen after, but I already conditioned my parents that I won't probably be able to support them in the coming months. I will work full time in Hive though. I hope that this will open new doors for me.
I will be dipping my toes in many areas that I never explored or too afraid to explore before. One thing is for sure, the first few months will be experiments to figure out what I really want to do after. For those who supported me in my Hive journey, you know who you are, I hope that you will still support me in the things that I will probably do. I won't limit myself to travel anymore. I'll be expanding my horizons.
I am really wishing that I could be a full-time Hiver without resorting to dubious activities in desperation for money. I will be doing a self-audit, that's for sure. As an advocate of transparency and accountability, self-audit is the only way to ensure that you're still on the right track even if no one's watching.
I'll immediately stop this experiment if I can feel I'm already falling into the abyss. I value my reputation here that I don't want it to be tarnished just because of money.
I guess that's all for this post. I'm excited for what's in store for me, may it be in Hive or in the real world. See you around folks!
To those who expressed their support in this move, thank you so much! I really appreciate everything. It lifts me up.
Kim Ybañez
Welcome to Kim's small corner in Hive. He is a chemical engineer by profession, but a blogger by passion. He is a wanderlust and an adventure seeker. Join his quests as he visits secluded destinations, climbs mountains, tries new and exotic dishes, and explores his country (The Philippines) and the rest of the world even if he's still a poor corporate slave with tons of bills to pay and two siblings to support in college.
If you like his content, don't forget to upvote and leave a comment to show some love. You can also reblog if you want to. Also, don't forget to follow him to be updated with his latest posts.
"When one door closes, another opens."
It's still an act of bravery for me. And of course, an act of self-preservation. I salute you for that. Like grabe. How I wish inana ko kabrave like you. Feel lang nako ishare ako experience (FC haha) kay narealize nako jud na because desperate kay ko makawork kay eldest ko, nawala samot akoang self-confidence, and ato pod na moment nawala napod ang self-preservation. I was depressed for several months. I worked on a project sa university na ako gigraduate-tan funded by the government. Naend ang isa ka project and another project napod ang nagopen. We were told na same employees lang but some of us kay wala nadawat jud. We've waited for five months and while waiting nagfreelancer ko. Well, promises are meant to be broken jud. Days after the interview, I received a congratulatory message and magsign na ug contract this Monday. I had to travel for more than an hour and three rides pajud. When I arrived, I was told that dili pajud daw ko dawat. Everyone signed their contract except me and the other one. We had to compete for a month. Ang isa mileave after a week. So ako nabilin. Pero maskin ako lang nabilin wala pagihapon ko nakasign ug contract. Grabe ka heavy sa feeling. Like grabe. I turned down two job offers because ani na project. When I signed the contract after more than a month, narealize nako na basin gihatag ra nila ang contract because they have no choice kay wala mipadaun ang isa. Samot ko kadepressed and everytime magthink ko kay mahate nako ako self nganung mipadayon man ko and milahutay ko ug 2 years jud. Gihuman nako ang project nga naay grudges ginagmay sa mga heads. Haha ginagmay lang pero yes, I told myself dili nako mosettle anang motreat ug inana saila employees. First project was very okay, and second project, toxic kaau. Mental health is equally important to physical health jud.
I know daghan pagopportunites. Lavan japan lang jud! Rest but never stop. 😊
Not leaving because of different reasons, circumstances, or choices, is still an act of bravery. Just don't lose yourself in the process. Mao jud na ako gikahadlukan na mawala ba akong self.
Hala grabe sad ang gihatag lang ang project sa imo tungod kay wa nipadayon ang usa. Don't let one project to define your self worth. Mao jud na akong mantra pirmi. I'm so much more than what people see in me. Like wala ko pake unsa ilang tan-aw nako basta I know my worth.
Laban lang jud ta! 😂
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ENGAGEtokens.I think I can relate. I just passed mine last Friday. 😁
It's really not worth it to stay if the working environment is getting toxic and your efforts are not compensated enough.
Whut! 😱 I'm not the only one pala. Do you have another another company in mind?
For now my mouth is still zipped on my plans. I don't want to be jinxed.. Patuo2x kaayo..Hehe
😂 I understand. Mao siguro sige kajinx ako plans kay tabian kaayo ko. 🙈
Ok ra man tingali mushare..haha..Pro mgretain lang something na ikaw ra kahibalo.. para naa surprise effect. 😂
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Good luck sa experiment. I'll be inactive again and will come back sometime in November. Hope your experiment goes well. More time to blog, more time to live now.
Hopefully I'm still here when you come back. 😂 More collab in the future? 🤔
No company is perfect yet on the other hand no one is irreplaceable in a company. You are very lucky if you find a perfect company or even a line manager who appreciates your work. That said, you have to do what you feel is right for you and your family, and it sounds like your parents will understand and aren't putting any pressure on you.
It's a big decision to make under the current circumstances, but to be honest if you have no major committments in life at the moment, now is probably as good a time as ever to do it. It get's more difficult as you grow up 🙃 and have your own family. Have you considered a working holiday visa to places like Australia or NZ or even Europe/UK?
It's sad but it's true.
There's always a pressure from my family, but I already made it clear to them that it's my life we're talking about. I'm just happy they understood my decision.
Regarding visas, it's really difficult coming from the Philippines. It's in my plan, but not in the immediate future.
Thank you so much for your wisdom, Pauline! 😄
I am excited for your journey, Kim. You'll be exploring your new "frontiers" pud diay ani na season sa imuhang life. Who knows, you doing Hive full-time is the "ikigai" that you have been looking for.
I somehow envy the courage to quit and tell your parents that you can't support them for the meantime. How I wish I could do that pud soon. Haha.
Grabe jud ang life nu? It's a constant tug of war in all dimensions (x, y, z, r, theta, and time dimensions). Hahaha. Laban lang ta diring dapita.
Eventually, you have to decide for yourself, Jay. I hope it will happen to you soon. I always tell my family that I might sound so selfish, but it's my life we're talking about. I don't want to regret one day for not doing the things I wanted to do. I hope your family will understand when it's your time to decide for yourself.
😂 Wa ko kasagang sa theta and time dimensions. Hahaha. Pero laban lang!
Soon! Ampuan jud nako ni.
I am so happy for you for taking on the adventure. Thank you for sharing it with me as well and you're most welcome 🙂 I truly believe this new chapter in your life will open doors. Whatever you discover behind those doors will only lead to learning and growth. Aja, fighting 😀
I'll always be grateful to your insights. It really helped me in making critical decisions. It's different when it comes from someone who has undergone the same experience.
Looking forward to you popping down this way too. ANother adventure awaits. I think it shows real character to stick to what you honestly believe is right. Preserving your mental health is paramount.
I'm also excited to visit you there! The problem is that I don't have ID and COE anymore. 😂
I'll just go with my friends.
see you soon 😃
What a well written post. I felt every minute of that. I have been in a similar situation with companies twice; one in which I left and one in which I'm currently still pushing through(shhhhh)
I really enjoyed reading that. I hope things are less hectic in your next path. Looking forward to seeing it
Thank you! I'm happy that this post resonated in you. Let's just keep moving forward. That's what life is about after all. 😄
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I wish you well and hope everything turns out wonderfully for you. Good luck on the new chapter in your life @ybanezkim26. I guess we will be reading more of your great posts and comments in the coming weeks ahead.
Thank you so much! I hope that this will not be a regrettable decision. There's no turning back now.
Awww! If I won't get lazy, I hope I can post on a regular basis. Thank you for the support and encouragement!
You're welcome. Laziness is my affliction so I can relate to you there. Haha.
😂 This will be a constant battle against myself. I hope the productive side will always win.
Me too. Keep safe always.
keep going kim, i don't know you that much but I believe you are a great individual and mentor . You've been a consistent goal getter and hopefully hive will successfully open new doors for you. God willing! Moving onwards and upwards ra jd tang during dapita . This is just the beginning and I am so looking forward to your progress <3
Thanks Ate Rose! Laban lang jud ta ani pirmi. 😄
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SVLR😁I’m not even sure if you can still read this comment, anyhow I think theres nothing to worry although I can’t find it in your article, (as they say you’re brave) you’re an engineer and not just an ordinary engineer.
You can always find another job in the future, much better than what you just given up. Whats important is you can easily and normally breath now, such job must be very toxic as a number of your previous supervisors also resigned.
Now as I can see you’re doing good here on hive, perhaps hive can financially support you during the transition or until you’ll get another job when the time comes that you will really need one, and that time you will be able to continue to support your family. (I’m glad you are indeed helping your family) not all people thinks that way when they finished school and this is also what I am instilling in the minds of my kids, to help each other when they grow up and even when they already have a family of their own.
Good luck on your endeavor and future undertakings, I can tell you’re a good person and I know God is there looking at you up above He will be with you always.
Amping kanunay, God bless!
Thank you so much sir! It's my second to the last day of work today and this comment inspired me to finish everything before I leave the company. Thank you!
you're welcome!