I think it's time for a personal update.
I've been getting questions if I'm ok, that I seem a little distracted since the whole Steem vs Hive battle. Right around the time of the steem hostile takeover my mom had heart pains and went to the doctor. They found blood clots in her lungs and realized she was only using 15% of her heart power to pump blood through her body. I noticed she was getting a bit to forget at times, but it wasn't anything too concerning, I figured shes 74, could just be old age. I go to visit my mom up north twice a year, usually for a total of 2 months.
She needs heart surgery, she has decompensated heart failure (DHF).
First, they needed to remove the clots. While removing the blood clots, they messed up causing a hematoma in her leg. So her heart surgery was pushed back until that healed. Each time it takes around a month to fully dissolve the clots the doctors told me. A month later they test, clots are still there. Now they add a net to catch the clots. We wait another month, all the while I watched my mom going from full conversations with her to her not knowing where she was. She is so forgetful now every time I call she thinks I am there and asked me to rub her shoulders or get her some water. I burst out in tears every time, it's so got damn hard to not be there for her to help ease her anxiety. It's hell.
So she just recently had another test a few weeks ago and the clots were still there, but there is progress. So now its a race between getting the clots removed so she can have a safe surgery, or her dying during the wait. Every day I call my mom, she has no idea where she is, she crying, scared, crying out for her children's names.
I'm a strong person, but this swept me clean of my feet. It struck at something so deep inside me it raddled my core. That's why I always tell people to take care of themselves before helping others. I've been in tough, impossible spots before where the feeling of helplessness reigns supreme. But I'm also equipped now with meditation techniques that help me get through this.
Fast forward a few weeks to today. Yesterday I found out the heart condition was not causing her memory loss but that she has later stages of Alzheimer's. The doctors are running tests to see if she will live out the year if they don't think she will they won't operate. I'm going to do everything in my power to see that she is strong enough to get that surgery, all hope is not lost yet. It has just been one crazy fucking roller coaster.
I appreciate all of the thoughts and concerns. I lost my dad when I was 21, I loved that man more than I can say with words. I feel the same with my mom, shes a good woman, she does not deserve to go out like this.
I will keep marching. Pain is a strict teacher without mercy. We either grow through the pain or break.
▶️ 3Speak
Whichever way things go, take care of yourself and your family first.
My father is now in palliative care on the other side of the world with @galenkp handling it all, which is definitely not pleasant and made worse as my father's Alzheimer's is so bad, he doesn't recognize anyone - we lost our mother in 2004 to cancer. Getting old sucks ass - but it sounds like your mother has had the kind of impact on the world that there are people who care deeply for her - that is a good way to have lived.
The best of who we are is often born from the worst of our experience.
Hello @tarazkp,
I am sorry about your father. It is a difficult situation. Each person has a particular condition, but I will dare to share the case of the mother of a friend of ours. Our friend is a chemist by profession and her mother was a nurse for much of her life, she is now 95 years old and suffers from Alzheimer's. She tried many treatments with her mother, but the last one has been almost miraculous.
She gives her mother a teaspoon of coconut oil on an empty stomach and a pill of Ginkgo Biloba with breakfast. Now her mother has improved markedly. I don't know if it will serve your father, but what they would lose by trying. Obviously, check with your brother @galenkp first and ask his treating doctor what he thinks about it.
Thank you for the tip about the coconut oil and Ginkgo Biloba... logged for future reference
You're welcome.
Sorry about it Taraz. Me and Galen talked about the situation. Stay strong bro
old age is so scary..
No be lie. Guy, it's so sad
Sincere apologies about what your father is facing.
I totally agree especially when those experiences instilled life long lessons and in that we've resolved to do better or more.
I'm so sorry to hear that about your father and @galenkp's father. You have to put yourself in God's hands above all things and take good care of your parents with patience and affection @tarazkp
I am so sorry to hear about your father ... praying for you and yours too ...
I pray that she may recover soon. Please take care of your mother. Parents are asset of our life and we realize it when they pass away.
I wish you, and especially your mom, all the best possible!
I lost my dad to Alzheimer's in 2001 and there are still times the pain is so raw it takes my breath away.
While I know that no two cases of any kind of medical issue are the same, I thought I share a little about my experience with my dad, on the off chance that something resonates for you.
He was 68 years old when he had double knee replacement surgery. He came out of the recovery room violent, to the point they had to use restraints (and this is the man who never even spanked us as kids). He was hallucinating that he was back in the Navy & had been taken hostage, and it took a good long time coming out of it. For the weeks he was hospitalized to rehab his knees, it was like he'd been hit with advance stage dementia literally overnight. I visited every day, and brought him a printed out page that told him what the date was, why he was in the hospital, his nurse's name - things like that, to help keep him centered. The nurses told me they found him constantly, clutching the page and reading it aloud, as if he was trying to memorize it.
By the end of his knee rehab, he'd recovered about 90% of his memories and almost seemed his old self again. About a half year later, I had my first baby and spending lots of time with her (my husband & I were both working for dad's alarm monitoring company, so we were around a ton), helped him focus. Then one day in November, my mom noticed him wandering around their studio apartment, and asked what was wrong - he answered, "Can you help me find my wife? I've looked everywhere and her car is outside, but I don't know where she went." Mom honestly thought he was making a bad joke, until she realized how upset he was.
By the end of the year, we'd had to have him hospitalized in the local psychiatric ward because he became violet again. Strangely (or maybe not) enough, he was only acting out at home, when he got frustrated at not remembering who we were, where he was - any time he was at the hospital surrounded by medical staff, he'd calm down, since he seemed to understand he needed care. He was always a very proud, self sufficient, old school head of the household kind of guy, so I think having us needing to care for him triggered shame, which came out as rage.
Luckily one of my older sisters was the charge nurse at a local nursing home, and we were able to get him placed despite the anger issues. While the Alzheimer's progressed quickly (he was nonverbal inside of a year), his health was the best it had been in years - he was able to walk without pain, and spent the next 6 years essentially pacing the halls of the locked ward in between visits from us. I'll skip the part where one of the last lucid things he said to me was, "You're a good shot, and you know where I keep mine. Don't let me be a burden..."
He was stubborn to the end - we got the call mid December of 2001 that he'd stopped eating and drinking, so they were going to keep him comfortable but they didn't expect he'd last much longer. Of course, this happened just as my maternal grandmother passed after a short stint in the hospital - how my mother made it through that is beyond me. However, it wasn't until the 31st, when my younger sister went to visit him (I was living an hour away at the time, and had 3 little ones by then) and not too long after she held his hand and said goodbye, he finally let go. It's like he knew she needed that moment with him, and he was waiting for her.
Speaking of my mom - she just lost her sister (my godmother) almost exactly a month ago, and because of the Covid restrictions, she wasn't able to visit her at the assisted living facility she'd been in for a few months, after the doctors gave her weeks to live (not too long after losing her daughter to cancer - never rains, right?). My sister was able to do a Skype call between them (she became Aunt Mary's daughter-by-proxy after cousin Heather asked her to take care of her mom after she was gone) and mom said it helped, but it wasn't the same. She's told me the only thing getting her through this is her grand & great grandkids.
And now I almost feel bad for writing such a long reply... 😜 To wrap it up, I will simply say that you have an extremely strong moral compass, and an incredible solid center, so I have no doubt you will weather this horrific situation (and the polite part of my brain wants to find a nicer word, but there's no way of expressing how truly awful this disease is) and come out all the stronger. Sending all the good thoughts I can muster, and know that we'll hold the fort down here while you put your oxygen mask on and breath.
All the positive energy for your mom, I hope the best for her comes out.
Mother's love has nothing to match it.
Regards.
Wow sounds horrible.....
The pain I’ve seen a loved one in pain is extremely painful.
Mostly I want to send blessings prayers and condolences.
I do have some practical contributions I think that I could make if you’re at all interested in that I’ll do that another time if you let me know otherwise..
Prayers blessings and condolences to you your family and your mother.
💫🙏🏼💫
@tipu curate
Upvoted 👌 (Mana: 0/4)
I am speechless, I lost my mother so I can completely understand this pain... I will pray for her recovery...
I can only say I wish you strength to go on in these type of times Dan, I hope with all my heart that your mums operations pulls through and everything comes out for the best. Stay strong fam!it is well!you gotta believe it!
So true. God will make a way
I understand your suffering, in recent years I have tried your same things, in November they had diagnosed a bad disease to my father, and my mother also had problems. Fortunately, the tests that lasted several months have averted more serious things and now I'm breathing a little bit. It is not easy to face certain situations especially when you live far from your parents. Everything becomes difficult and complicated. Excuse the rambling but having experienced a similar situation recently I feel very close even if the pathologies are different. I wish you the best!
A big hug!
It's a complex situation that you're in, 2020 has been difficult for many people and if you add this, it becomes an uphill battle. But I know you can use your energy and your temperament to get through this. You have the support and respect of many people, including myself.
Meditation is an excellent tool that will help you focus your strength and balance your inner self so you can keep running.
Stay strong, my friend, your family at home and your family at HIVE need you. Namaste!
God will perform the miracle, you'll see.
Amen
You are a splendid human being and I know where that comes from, dear Dan, you have many family values that make you a great person, concerned about your fellow man and of incredible nobility. It is not easy at all this time, I can only tell you to enjoy every moment with your mommy because we humans tend to forget that in the daily stress and postpone the moments to share with our loved ones. I make a vow and ask God for the health of your mother, that God wraps her in light and can overcome it with good. I send you all my good vibes, you are a great benefactor and someone who shares everything he has with his environment, your human quality is very high. I hug you from Venezuela and I will be here asking for the improvement of your mommy's health. dear @theycallmedan
I will be praying for your mother's health, have faith, your mother is a strong person who has overcome many things, she reminds me of mine, I feel moved with you because I know what that is, do not stop fighting, never lose faith and be a little calm for her who needs you, a lot of strength for you and for her. You are a good person, everything will be fine, God take care of your mummy, our mothers are the most sacred and the most precious gift we have, take care of yours very much, I completely understand your affliction.
I will pray for that
we must keep our faith
regards @theycallmedan
I understand your pain @theycallmedan. My mom is also passing through some health issues for about 6 months now. Sometimes when I look at her, tears rushed down my eyes.
I know you are a good man and you will love to push any money to make sure that she is back on her usual ways but right now, it seems money is not the issue. This is where life is bigger than us. I wish she survives this year and add more years to her years.
A good man like you deserves good news all the time. @theycallmedan, take your mom closer to you right now and shower her with that son love. She needs you more and more this period.
Don't worry sir, mom will be fine.
I wish you, all the best
Stay strong, have faith and best of luck to your mother @Theycallmedan.
I pray your mum recover from whatever sickness in her, I pray you won't loose her now that you need each other most
Its definitely a precarious situation and no one deserves to go through this. Not having her recognise where she is or being aware of situations around her can actually be saddening. I'm desperately hoping she can pull through. I lost my father when I was 20 and he went out not even knowing what he's doing. I'm hoping the doctors tests comes out positively. Be strong Dan
Take as much time as you need Dan. Life throws you curve balls and we do what we have to do.
I wish you and yours nothing but happiness bro.
I'm hoping mum can live in that house beside yours and enjoy her last days happy.
Stay strong Dan.
Meditation may be the most paramount of importance for you at this time @theycallmedan … It has always helped get me through the tougher times in life.
I'm near your mother's age and have a 'son' like you who shows me endless love... I'll go out, with a smile in my soul as a result; regardless how confused the look may be on my face.
Hope this small thought, helps 'you' and your 'mom' in some way.
Regards
wow... all i can say is i am touched
I am sorry that you are going through this situation, I will ask God for strength to your life, I hope that whatever the result you leave with new strength and strategies to continue with your career of life!
My father had an important heart operation. He is currently still alive, and now I love him more than before. Stay strong! Stay close to your mother.
Oh... this sounds really hard Dan. I sincerely hope that your mother’s situation improves and I hope that you find peace as you work to restore her health.
Take heart and take care.
Love and light Dan.
Sorry about your mum's situation. It's one of the hardest things seeing someone you care about suffer. I watched my sister slowly die in 2016 in the worst way possible and it is the most traumatic event of life. I could not even afford to get her good healthcare and live with that guilt every day.
I pray you come out of this stronger. I pray you still have some time to spend with your mum. Love and light
Right now the important thing for you is your mother's health. All the other things can wait. Three years ago I lost my father to an illness and I understand the desperate situation you are experiencing. Have faith: God is with you. This is one more battle you'll have to fight. I will pray for you and your mother, my friend! A hug from Venezuela.
It is a situation that undoubtedly touches the most sensitive thing as a person, without a doubt having a mother with some health condition is painful, and certainly destabilizes a little our world. Perhaps the most important thing of all is your support in this situation, even if it is called transmitting that love. To give back what they once did for us, with their words they healed so many wounds. I hope that your mother can free this evil, do not ever lose that hope. Many good energies for both of us
Oh noo😢😭
That's very sad. Sending you Love & Prayers in this trying times Dan. Stay Strong. It's unfortunate/unfair in life how bad things happen to some of the greatest humans. We got you.
XO <3
you ar such a strong man. you are going through this much and you are still able to put smile on people's faces. please be strong. there is hope, optimizing her should not be a problem if she can stick to her medication and diet.
I believe she will get better.
Alzheimer's is a disease of the old. My grand mother had it and she lived for more than 20 years with it.
Be strong , her health will be restored. At this point she needs you more
Greetings Dan, it is strong what you are going through, but it is important that you are well emotionally so that you can help her and be with her whenever possible and give her that encouraging love as a son, I hope that God blesses her with many more years of life, strength and faith @theycallmedan
Friend much strength and love to help her in these difficult times. Have faith and keep going don't lose hope. A fraternal and supportive hug. I love you. You are a great human being.
It really sad to hear this words from you. Mother is the best thing in the world that loved us without any reservation. They loved us even when we make biggest failure in life.
I have a good verse to share to you for this difficult time, its Philippinas 4:6-7;
I am praying for her health since you told me about this on #Twitter. Don't be trouble,
Let us Pray.Amiga mucha fuerza y amor para ayudarla en estos tiempos difíciles. Ten fe y sigue adelante, no pierdas la esperanza. Un abrazo fraterno y solidario. te quiero. Eres un gran ser humano.
Hello, it's a difficult situation, take this opportunity to tell her that you love her, make her feel special and comfort your soul and hers.
Faith must not be lacking, it can overcome this illness, my mother was also operated on her heart, it is not pleasant, I hope to overcome it soon.
God is our refuge and strength, our prompt help in tribulation.
Friend much strength and love to help her in these difficult times. Have faith and keep going don't lose hope. A fraternal and supportive hug. I love you. You are a great human being.
Hello dear friend @theycallmedan
I am very sorry for the situation you are living, it is always very painful to see our parents being sick.
Be strong, tell her how much you love her.
Hello @theycallmedan,
Many of those who write here are sincerely sensitized to your mother's situation. We hope that your health improves.
I told my wife about your mother's memory loss symptoms. She thought about it for a while and said: tell her to take a teaspoon of coconut oil on an empty stomach, and then with breakfast, take a Ginkgo Biloba capsule. This will greatly help you delay, and perhaps even reverse, the disease. However, ask your treating doctor first if they see any objections based on your current health condition.
Ask the Eternal for strength, both for you and for your mother, in these tests that both are passing.
Hi Dan! I send many blessings for you and your family. The mothers are unique, they deserve our time and attention, we understand you! Take care of yourself, I send my best energy for your mom.
Oh man that sounds really bad :( So sorry about it. However, if your mom is as much of fighter as you are, I am sure she will make it. All of the best to you both. Stay strong guys. Greetings from the Czech Republic.
Man I went trough a process of my mom dying of cancer and dragging trough hospitals for months!
The worst experience in my life! It did teach me a lesson to stay focused on what matters.
Mother-son relationship is truly special.
Wish you a positive outcome.
Stay strong!
pathetic ,Be patient, everything will be fine .😊❤
I honestly do not know what to say, the words mean nothing at this time for you, I know because over the years I have lost many loved ones, and I heard the words out of courtesy that's it, I can only tell you to be strong, do what is necessary to keep her safe, and if is necessary, leave everything behind to be with her, she deserves it, I wish you the best.
Awful awful year this one is but she sounds like a stong woman not getting Alzheimer's until tis late in life she is so lucky and also for having you as a son who cares and loves her, she will get through this im sure she will! Let the tears flow and let yourself feel all the feelings is ok that makes you stronger and lets you help her in a better way.
This really touched my heart & I am sending so much love, pixie dust & healing energy to you, your mom & everyone in your family. I never lost a parent but I have lost a spouse so I do resonate with some of the pain you are going through. It changed my world & for awhile, I wasn't the same. But then I realized I never would be. I was changed & I became stronger from it, after some time.💚
Life is tough sometimes & it is a raw deal in this case. Just remember to give yourself grace & know it's okay to have the emotions you have. Take it one day at a time & you will come through this. I hope you get to have many more special moments with her & that life is kind to you both.
If I can help in any way, just let me know. We all here for you!
Dan, I understand your distress. I haven't seen my mother for a year. We're in countries far away. We as children will always use every last resource for our parents, as they did and will continue to do for us. My prayers for you and your mother, I hope everything gets better soon. Lots of faith.💕
I'm so sorry to hear that. Parents' helth is delicate while they are getting older, and all sons and daughters wish parents were eternal. I hope she gets better. Be strong!
Ah man, I'm so sorry to hear all of this about your mum. Alzheimer's has affected my family as well and you can but just be there for her and like others have said, do your best to take care of yourself and your family.
It's 20 years ago this year,I lost my mother. Eleven months later, my father followed. I lived in the other side of the country. I might as well have been on the moon for all I could do. No-one can tell you how to deal with this. It's hard, it's painful; it's just, well, everything. Do what you need to do. For your mom and for yourself. Wishing you strength as you walk this path.