"Our destination in life is usually not far, but we stop at too many places, which causes delays in our journey."
Until I understood this popular African adage during my teenage years, I always thought it was all about buses stopping at different bus stops before arriving at their destination, but I was wrong because it has nothing to do with either buses or roads. The adage is specifically about minding our path as we journey through life, avoiding unnecessary detours, traveling light, and focusing on what's truly essential.
Somehow, the saying contradicts my belief about life being a journey instead of a destination, and yet, I can't deny the fact that this is actually the situation for many people in the world today who do not just stop unnecessarily while traveling through life but also travel with more than they should.
I am definitely not one of those people who loves physical travel; I find it tiring to sit in the bus for too long, especially with the traffic and the insecurity situation on Nigerian roads, so this post has nothing to do with long or short trips.
This #travellighttuesday minimalist prompt has made me think deeply about my journey, and I'd like to share some insights on how the adage I mentioned earlier has impacted my way of life.
Growing up, I didn't have many friends—just a few to chat with—but all that changed when I became an adult. I realized that navigating through life requires having friends since my few wins in life at that time came through the few friends I had, but I failed to define the kind of friendship I wanted after making the decision.
My arms were always open to embracing people, and it wasn't long before I had lots of friends. It was difficult to cope initially but since I wanted them, adjusting was inevitable. My new friends influenced my lifestyle immediately, and I started staying up at night to reply to messages, engage in group chat, attend events that I wouldn't even think about on a normal day and so on.
I always felt bothered when the thought of why I needed that many friends crossed my mind, but somehow, I did convince myself that it was for the sake of growth, and moreover, there is another adage that says, "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."
I knew traveling alone could make the journey quicker, but what happens when the journey gets tough? What do I do when I need support while traveling? All these thoughts help me justify the habit of throwing myself out there for everyone.
Finally, I joined these groups of friends at my place of work, and one of their routines was hanging out every weekend, which wasn't a problem. I went out with them the first weekend and didn't feel cool about their spending habits because I knew how much they were earning as a salary but I still didn't want to fall out of the circle.
Honestly, I didn't spend more than what I could afford for myself because I hate being a burden, but one of them footed everyone's bill.
"What if that's not the same case next week?, I told myself, and went out with them the next weekend.
I was informed that I would be responsible for the bills, and after the hangout, I realized almost half of my salary had vanished from my wallet despite spending last then 10% of it on myself.
As I journeyed back home that day, I was forced to reflect on the kind of friends I had acquired within a short period of time. I thought about the value or positive impact they have had on me and couldn't point to anything tangible; it even became clear to me that they have taken away from me in different ways. My previous small circle didn't drag me behind, and I knew immediately that I had made a great mistake.
At that moment, traveling light became more than a goal; it was more of a priority to me, and I started cutting down on the unnecessary attachments I got myself entangled in. I was surprised that the majority of the people I called friends didn't even bother to know why I withdrew, and I didn't regret my decision.
I continued my journey with the very few who included my family because they have not only wanted the best but have always supported me as well.
The effect of cutting the extras I was traveling with appeared with immediate effect, and this further inspired me to look into other areas of my life that might be slowing me down and do the needful immediately.
If I am being honest, the journey hasn't been super fast, but I feel comfortable and happy traveling through life with just the essentials.
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Great adages there!
Yes, it's important to ensure that you and the friends you keep are on the same pace, otherwise, you will find yourself in undue stress and out of pocket.
I'm happy that you woke up and ditched some.
Letting them go did help a lot and I saw the changes immediately in different parts of my life. A few of them tried coming back when they saw how well I was doing but allowing that mistake to happen again was a no for me.
I got rid of the unnecessary ties I got myself into. I was impressed by this sentence. I'm not alone.
It's always challenging to do so but when we think deeply about how much it would help, getting rid of those unnecessary ties wouldn't be difficult.
I am glad I did, no regrets till this moment.
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Well, we definitely need the right people in our lives to take us far in life. We need to review constantly our friends to know if they help us align with our set goals.